Today in the news four men were arrested after attempting to save a mans life from mafia gunfire.
The BBC got an exclusive interview with one of the men, and we stole it.
"We knew he was in the way of gunfire so we asked him if he'd like to come and get some icecream instead of visiting his father."
"What did he say?"
"He refused, called the police and then went and got shot."
"A tragic story from George Patterson here."
"Absolutely. I'd also like to say i was nothing to do with the issue but i'd be lieing. At first i thought that man did not deserve to die. But after he called the police i re-thought that and wanted to shoot him myself. But all i was armed with was an icecream, i didnt have the courage to throw it at him. I also dont believe in wasteing good food. Although i didnt pay for it, my brother did i still dont believe. It's just something ive grown up to abide by."
The Daily Crumb visited the victim in hospital.
"What made you go to the police?"
"They were commiting an offense, they were going against the law. They deserved to be locked up."
"I.. honestly didnt know there was a law against saving someones life."
"Well there isnt, i said they'd attempted to mug and murder me. But the BBC eventually found out i was lieing. This was because they poured alcohol into my wound and i became a bit tipsy."
"Right... so have the police realised that this is a lie?"
"Yes, but havnt let the four guys know. It seems those guys have been taken in so many times they're never surprised when they get arrested."
"I'm.. still listening. Could you tell me more about the people that shot you?"
"It was my Dad. Yeah, he shot me just below the heart, funny story actually"
"Sorry, thats all we have time for. Some people have real news."
Also in the news
Cartoon characters all over the world are continuously being locked up.
Dennis the Menace went a little insane whilst stuck away for most of yesterday.
Also today famous blogs such as Project Insanity are looking down on the Crumb saying immature things like "We're so much better than you."
Thanks Laurajs for this picture! :D
- Nathan (?) Viney