Now some very important news in the news today. The news is that news has become so extra new that news reporters have found the new news hard to news report. The news is, news may have become the new ipod. The news department of New South Wales have employed a new news specialist to inquire into the new news ways of the spoken news reports.
News reporter Nelson Mews spoke about the new never ending news report due to be released on the new year. Muse and the BBC new news report team associated with New South Wales and the great Mount Current Affair company knocked down the news reporters union of news and related news. News reporter Noola Newz knows the news but does not feel it is news worthy as it includes the news.
More news on this later.
Showing posts with label Today in the news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Today in the news. Show all posts
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
Today in the news 2
Today in the news something so new it will build a hut around you, lock the straw door and call it a 'chained up falcon'.
Also: When?
Today in the news i am going to attempt to reach back far into the hole of two thousand and... SIX
and grab as many 'rather odd 'Today in the news' as i can find. You can check out the earlier version in the 'Today in the news section'.
Lets begin.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the news today a mammoth sized mammoth did a marathon and won a toy mammoth, the size of a giant mammoth.
----------
In the news today people are still trying to find out, who exactly invented the chinese. This question came abouts when people started realising everything had been made in china.
The Crumb has researched into this and found that the fortune cookie was actually an American creation. This leads to the fact China was built by the US.
But the US are pretty dumb in themselves, they were invented by the British who are smelly and made of pollution.
So the end result is, Australia invented the world.
----------
In the news today, mobile phones are said to be sucking your brain out of your ear, more on that later.
----------
Bortle Berry Bortacus Blout Bear your Bottom so we can all shout!
In the news today Bortle Berry Bortacus Blout was arrested for public nudity.
----------
In the news today a camera swallowed a man whole when he pressed the ‘Eat me’ button?
----------
In the news today toilet roll is necassary when you use the loo for a number 2, people are wondering if there is such thing as a 2.5 or possibly a 3 because they think they've done it and they are surprisingly discusted and wonderous at the same time.
----------
In the news today thousands of people have bought pens with their own names on them. People have started to complain that they cant pronounce them.
----------
In the news today someone placed a glass of water on top of a ladder and tried to balance it whilst holding it over his head. May he rest in peace.
----------
Today in the news four MILLION is a big number. Protesters say, "Maybe, its just TOO big."
This argument begun a few years ago, it then faded away so it was lesser known. Until a maths teacher was brutally murdered in Manchester, UK. The protesters believe it was the number four million that murdered the man. The police believe it was the protesters. The media believe it was Madeleine's mother.
----------
Today in the news, "Warning, don't quote this."
----------
Today in the news
----------
Today in the news 2 wise men realized one was missing.
----------
Today in the news chocolate is best when its bitey
----------
Today in the news listen to the symphony of crackle.
----------
Today in the news people sited a horse with lumps on its back. Vets are examining it now.
----------
In the news today a puppet theatre burnt down when a puppet CAME ALIVE.. and scared his owner who held a candle.
----------
In the news today a man with a spade saw an alien sighting. The man with a spade complained that the news team interviewing him said 'spade' when he "claimed" he was holding a shovel not a spade like he was really holding.
----------
In the news today a man posed for a photo, he hasent been seen since.
----------
Today in the news i man went bullet time.
----------
In the news today Scientists at the head of the UK have classed Oxygen as an illegal drug and are beginning to get rid of it.
Just in! The Scientists are dead, along with the rest of earths population.
----------
Today in the news America have created a Video burning day, where everyone in the country throws their videos into a town bonfire. This is saying, "We look forward to the future." (Meaning DVD's)
People are worried Video burning day wont last many years as they will have burnt all of the video's.
It has been sorted thousands more Video's are being made and sold just for this day, bringing some big companies back into buisness.
----------
In the news today a bald man called himself a lier. More on that later.
----------
Today in the news someone very important said "quack" in a conference.
----------
Today in the news a tree dressed itself, it was then burnt for giving people bad luck.
----------
Today in the news a man with a stick conducted an orchestra. The stick has been confiscated.
----------
Today in the news a man woke up to find his face had been molded into a teapot
----------
Today in the news
Beans beans
they make you smoke
the more you eat
the more you choke
Samurai man
on his way
hopping along
to save the day
grease monster
he loves chips
but sauce man comes
and grease man dips
Pie man comes
eating meat
little bit of ale
on his feet
Dribbling ghoul
Wet grass
dribbles on you
Get a flask
Fat bat
cant fly
his fangs
you die
Space dragon
swoops around
Satellite falls
hits the ground
Mr Figg
step outside
A train Mr Figg
We're all gonna die
Mr Figg
step outside
A plane Mr. Figg
We're all gonna die
Old woman
Mrs. Monk
Got in the pool
She just sunk
What a fool
Painted bull
All those fumes
Melts my shoe
Meteorite
Turn and spin
Space dragon
dosent do anything
Boar in bed
Vomit in bowl
Rotten head
A broken soul
Italian man
makes nice pasta
Bought a van
serves it faster
Italian man
makes nice pizza
lost his touch
went to master
Master was gone
Seagull dead
Man went home
put it in bread
Germ creature
leaks around
Morbid creature
Kills the ground
Skin peals off
as it roam
flesh so soft
a bit like foam
Master stabbed a cat
with a sandal
he then sat
lit a candle
Italian man on Figg's foot
"I keep dieing"
"And i cant cook."
"Well listen here you nasty three."
"You're so small you are a flee"
Samurai man
enters the room
Doors swing open
loud boom.
"I have one leg, this is why i hop."
"Oh shut up, you just stop."
"Master please help us."
"AND YOU STOP MAKING A FUSS"
Mr Figg
step outside
A space dragon
We're all gonna die
"A wounded wing on a space machine"
"Human built?"
"Why are you helping him?"
King Kong enters with an ice cream
Pie man attacks
Is this all just a dream?
Dribbling ghoul and Fat bat
All sat
Oh drat, killed the cat
"You leave now you killed my cat!"
"But master we only just sat."
Germ creature bites some beans
begins to smoke, dancing to folk
continues to choke until
Walls cave in, roof falls down
Water crashing through
Fat bat drowns
Samurai crushed
by a big rock
Germ creature suffocated
by a sock.
Master dies a heroes death
head chopped off, his final breath
Dragon crushed
by brick and stone
Italian man collapsed
just like Rome
Mr Figg rides on the painted bull
Old woman dead you know
Boar in bed
Boar is dead
Bull dies
Figg crys
Aeroplane is landing
Figgs the last one standing
----------
Today in the news Mr. Meadowgrave the gardener found a dead body in my backyard.
----------
Today in the news someone hidden in crops rode a mosquito aeroplane.
----------
Today in the news a mime was arrested for finger painting.
----------
Today in the news Tony Blair has been arrested for illegally feeding a pigeon
to a wild lion.
----------
Today in the news a bus stop decided to take the bus itself, three people were crushed to death.
Thats all i could bothered to write. Read the Daily Crumb... in the past to find more!
- The Daily Crumb
Also: When?
Today in the news i am going to attempt to reach back far into the hole of two thousand and... SIX
and grab as many 'rather odd 'Today in the news' as i can find. You can check out the earlier version in the 'Today in the news section'.
Lets begin.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the news today a mammoth sized mammoth did a marathon and won a toy mammoth, the size of a giant mammoth.
----------
In the news today people are still trying to find out, who exactly invented the chinese. This question came abouts when people started realising everything had been made in china.
The Crumb has researched into this and found that the fortune cookie was actually an American creation. This leads to the fact China was built by the US.
But the US are pretty dumb in themselves, they were invented by the British who are smelly and made of pollution.
So the end result is, Australia invented the world.
----------
In the news today, mobile phones are said to be sucking your brain out of your ear, more on that later.
----------
Bortle Berry Bortacus Blout Bear your Bottom so we can all shout!
In the news today Bortle Berry Bortacus Blout was arrested for public nudity.
----------
In the news today a camera swallowed a man whole when he pressed the ‘Eat me’ button?
----------
In the news today toilet roll is necassary when you use the loo for a number 2, people are wondering if there is such thing as a 2.5 or possibly a 3 because they think they've done it and they are surprisingly discusted and wonderous at the same time.
----------
In the news today thousands of people have bought pens with their own names on them. People have started to complain that they cant pronounce them.
----------
In the news today someone placed a glass of water on top of a ladder and tried to balance it whilst holding it over his head. May he rest in peace.
----------
Today in the news four MILLION is a big number. Protesters say, "Maybe, its just TOO big."
This argument begun a few years ago, it then faded away so it was lesser known. Until a maths teacher was brutally murdered in Manchester, UK. The protesters believe it was the number four million that murdered the man. The police believe it was the protesters. The media believe it was Madeleine's mother.
----------
Today in the news, "Warning, don't quote this."
----------
Today in the news
----------
Today in the news 2 wise men realized one was missing.
----------
Today in the news chocolate is best when its bitey
----------
Today in the news listen to the symphony of crackle.
----------
Today in the news people sited a horse with lumps on its back. Vets are examining it now.
----------
In the news today a puppet theatre burnt down when a puppet CAME ALIVE.. and scared his owner who held a candle.
----------
In the news today a man with a spade saw an alien sighting. The man with a spade complained that the news team interviewing him said 'spade' when he "claimed" he was holding a shovel not a spade like he was really holding.
----------
In the news today a man posed for a photo, he hasent been seen since.
----------
Today in the news i man went bullet time.
----------
In the news today Scientists at the head of the UK have classed Oxygen as an illegal drug and are beginning to get rid of it.
Just in! The Scientists are dead, along with the rest of earths population.
----------
Today in the news America have created a Video burning day, where everyone in the country throws their videos into a town bonfire. This is saying, "We look forward to the future." (Meaning DVD's)
People are worried Video burning day wont last many years as they will have burnt all of the video's.
It has been sorted thousands more Video's are being made and sold just for this day, bringing some big companies back into buisness.
----------
In the news today a bald man called himself a lier. More on that later.
----------
Today in the news someone very important said "quack" in a conference.
----------
Today in the news a tree dressed itself, it was then burnt for giving people bad luck.
----------
Today in the news a man with a stick conducted an orchestra. The stick has been confiscated.
----------
Today in the news a man woke up to find his face had been molded into a teapot
----------
Today in the news
Beans beans
they make you smoke
the more you eat
the more you choke
Samurai man
on his way
hopping along
to save the day
grease monster
he loves chips
but sauce man comes
and grease man dips
Pie man comes
eating meat
little bit of ale
on his feet
Dribbling ghoul
Wet grass
dribbles on you
Get a flask
Fat bat
cant fly
his fangs
you die
Space dragon
swoops around
Satellite falls
hits the ground
Mr Figg
step outside
A train Mr Figg
We're all gonna die
Mr Figg
step outside
A plane Mr. Figg
We're all gonna die
Old woman
Mrs. Monk
Got in the pool
She just sunk
What a fool
Painted bull
All those fumes
Melts my shoe
Meteorite
Turn and spin
Space dragon
dosent do anything
Boar in bed
Vomit in bowl
Rotten head
A broken soul
Italian man
makes nice pasta
Bought a van
serves it faster
Italian man
makes nice pizza
lost his touch
went to master
Master was gone
Seagull dead
Man went home
put it in bread
Germ creature
leaks around
Morbid creature
Kills the ground
Skin peals off
as it roam
flesh so soft
a bit like foam
Master stabbed a cat
with a sandal
he then sat
lit a candle
Italian man on Figg's foot
"I keep dieing"
"And i cant cook."
"Well listen here you nasty three."
"You're so small you are a flee"
Samurai man
enters the room
Doors swing open
loud boom.
"I have one leg, this is why i hop."
"Oh shut up, you just stop."
"Master please help us."
"AND YOU STOP MAKING A FUSS"
Mr Figg
step outside
A space dragon
We're all gonna die
"A wounded wing on a space machine"
"Human built?"
"Why are you helping him?"
King Kong enters with an ice cream
Pie man attacks
Is this all just a dream?
Dribbling ghoul and Fat bat
All sat
Oh drat, killed the cat
"You leave now you killed my cat!"
"But master we only just sat."
Germ creature bites some beans
begins to smoke, dancing to folk
continues to choke until
Walls cave in, roof falls down
Water crashing through
Fat bat drowns
Samurai crushed
by a big rock
Germ creature suffocated
by a sock.
Master dies a heroes death
head chopped off, his final breath
Dragon crushed
by brick and stone
Italian man collapsed
just like Rome
Mr Figg rides on the painted bull
Old woman dead you know
Boar in bed
Boar is dead
Bull dies
Figg crys
Aeroplane is landing
Figgs the last one standing
----------
Today in the news Mr. Meadowgrave the gardener found a dead body in my backyard.
----------
Today in the news someone hidden in crops rode a mosquito aeroplane.
----------
Today in the news a mime was arrested for finger painting.
----------
Today in the news Tony Blair has been arrested for illegally feeding a pigeon
to a wild lion.
----------
Today in the news a bus stop decided to take the bus itself, three people were crushed to death.
Thats all i could bothered to write. Read the Daily Crumb... in the past to find more!
- The Daily Crumb
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Today in the news
Today in the news a toaster replaced a iron when it was turned upside down but now the clothes have crumbs all over them. They are rethinking the whole thing.
Tramp Snatcher should be out soon enough but untill then let us enjoy the grace the news has brought us since october 2006
From October 30 to december the 5th
And today in the news someone was found with a packet of chewing gum.
Today in the news protests and issues are evolving on the issue of germs are gods creatures too. The crowds are planning to sue up to three companies for advertising about the deaths of 3d animated germs dieing after touching a blob of cleaning fluid.
In other news a man has built a replica of Postman Pats mail van. He says it’s attracting wild cats.
Today in the news the president of the United States was replaced by a plank of wood. I firmly agree to this change of position as i believe George W Bush was verbally impaired.Also on the headlines of most newspapers today a man choked to death on a chocolate button in a cinema whilst sharing popcorn with his imaginary friend.Head of parliment said in a press conference, "I'm personally glad the man's dead, chocolate buttons are discusting."This has brought across many riots on 10 downing street. The priminister found a midget with a giant firework strapped to his back inside Tony Blaire's clothes cupboard. A few hours later a rumour spread the internet and the BBC news, even going across to America and Australia that there was a packet of chocolate buttons in the Priminister's front pocket. He denies the whole thing.
Headline in the news today my light bulbs gone out so I’ve stolen someone else’s.
In the news today an Elephant named Pete was found stuck/sunk in a giant puddle of mud. Visitors including children are paying three pounds to have a ride if they are a certain height. And weight
In the news today a man miss read his script on a live show saying, "Whats that on the road? A head?" When it actually read "Whats that on the road ahead?"
In the news today a manager of a football team keeps slipping due to the fact the players keep dribbling..
Today in the news a man in Ireland kept tripping over an invisable block in the street. Only after thousands of investigations and news reports did they tell us the man was a Mime.
Today in the news a small man entered a library only to walk into the biggest trouble he’d ever come across. A bookshelf.
Today in the news it is said that stepping in a puddle can cause an earthquake in the sea, although scientists deny this theory the voodoo believers are all for it.
Today in the news it has been reported that Britian is the most spyed upon country with thousands of cameras spreading it. They think its due to all of the surveliance that celebrities have, i think we should get rid of them all.
Today in the news a man with two legs attempted hopping over a large fallen tree. He failed and stubbed his toe.
In the news today a man was frightened to find out he'd have to have his finger taken off after it got stuck between two keys on his keyboard. He was trying to reach some biscuit crumbs as his wife told him not to eat by the computer.
Today in the news a baby swallowed a five pound note; the doctors say it will pass through without any harm. So far, there’s been no change.
In the news today a Computer monitor is concidered a fire hazard... well done Dell.
Today in the news a man with no head was seen walking suspiciously into a carpark. People are calling him the "Man Chicken."The fan club spokesmen... spoke: "Goodwheetabix. Today we read from chapter thirty two of the Man Chicken Gospel. He rose again, and walked towards the freedom of his mighty Pod. The lights were overwelming, releasing all stress from the butter and bread around him. The aliens energy transformed him into a bottle of wine and his three followers drunk.Let's remember him for that. And the fact he still walks with us is astonishing."More news on that laterAlso in the news the comic strip creators of Asterix are sueing Microsoft. *_*
In the news today a swan was accidently stepped on as a child thought it was a stepping stone. He was colour blind, the swan jumped into a frantic attack and took the childs eyes out.His parents said, "It was lucky the voilent creature took something that wasen't any use to him."
In the news today someone called me up and asked if they'd called the right number.
In the news today people making a film on doing a news report were sighted somewhere near my desk.
In the news today a giant shoe landed in the centre of London, people are still wondering who could have tied such big lases.
In the news today a man was to pick up a phone to find, not only a dialing tone, but a person saying, "Hello?"
Today in the news 'all boys' schools across the planet are organising get togethers on the matter of, 'Do girls exist?'. Please contact them if you have any evidence or proof on the matter.
In the news today a man poured scolding hot tomato soup on his face. He anounced it was very tasty, this was after the surgery.
In the news today a hedgehog was seen biting a whales tail.
oh.. oh oh... is that the sound of a bird scraping his beak along the washing machine lid?
In the news today a block of flats fell over when the lift started to work.
In the news today a monitored started to flicker and that ruined christmas for everyone.
In the news today a mars bar attacked an old women, the women commented that she didnt take a bite but the chocolate disagrees.Also in the news a turtle was seen acting like a tortoise, it is a crime to steal someone elses ID.
In the news today a teapot fell out of the sky, luckily the water was frozen? What on earth? A teapot!
In the news today a man with two hats wore both them in memory of his father, the hairy hat man who recently passed away
Today in the news christmas comes early when a drunk man dressed as santa speaks on a local radio station.
In the news today a big hat IS worth wearing.
Today in the news a man skidded down his roof and collapsed on top of his car after trying to reach the clouds. His wife told the press she had told him he couldnt see them anymore
- Nathan (munch) Viney
Tramp Snatcher should be out soon enough but untill then let us enjoy the grace the news has brought us since october 2006
From October 30 to december the 5th
And today in the news someone was found with a packet of chewing gum.
Today in the news protests and issues are evolving on the issue of germs are gods creatures too. The crowds are planning to sue up to three companies for advertising about the deaths of 3d animated germs dieing after touching a blob of cleaning fluid.
In other news a man has built a replica of Postman Pats mail van. He says it’s attracting wild cats.
Today in the news the president of the United States was replaced by a plank of wood. I firmly agree to this change of position as i believe George W Bush was verbally impaired.Also on the headlines of most newspapers today a man choked to death on a chocolate button in a cinema whilst sharing popcorn with his imaginary friend.Head of parliment said in a press conference, "I'm personally glad the man's dead, chocolate buttons are discusting."This has brought across many riots on 10 downing street. The priminister found a midget with a giant firework strapped to his back inside Tony Blaire's clothes cupboard. A few hours later a rumour spread the internet and the BBC news, even going across to America and Australia that there was a packet of chocolate buttons in the Priminister's front pocket. He denies the whole thing.
Headline in the news today my light bulbs gone out so I’ve stolen someone else’s.
In the news today an Elephant named Pete was found stuck/sunk in a giant puddle of mud. Visitors including children are paying three pounds to have a ride if they are a certain height. And weight
In the news today a man miss read his script on a live show saying, "Whats that on the road? A head?" When it actually read "Whats that on the road ahead?"
In the news today a manager of a football team keeps slipping due to the fact the players keep dribbling..
Today in the news a man in Ireland kept tripping over an invisable block in the street. Only after thousands of investigations and news reports did they tell us the man was a Mime.
Today in the news a small man entered a library only to walk into the biggest trouble he’d ever come across. A bookshelf.
Today in the news it is said that stepping in a puddle can cause an earthquake in the sea, although scientists deny this theory the voodoo believers are all for it.
Today in the news it has been reported that Britian is the most spyed upon country with thousands of cameras spreading it. They think its due to all of the surveliance that celebrities have, i think we should get rid of them all.
Today in the news a man with two legs attempted hopping over a large fallen tree. He failed and stubbed his toe.
In the news today a man was frightened to find out he'd have to have his finger taken off after it got stuck between two keys on his keyboard. He was trying to reach some biscuit crumbs as his wife told him not to eat by the computer.
Today in the news a baby swallowed a five pound note; the doctors say it will pass through without any harm. So far, there’s been no change.
In the news today a Computer monitor is concidered a fire hazard... well done Dell.
Today in the news a man with no head was seen walking suspiciously into a carpark. People are calling him the "Man Chicken."The fan club spokesmen... spoke: "Goodwheetabix. Today we read from chapter thirty two of the Man Chicken Gospel. He rose again, and walked towards the freedom of his mighty Pod. The lights were overwelming, releasing all stress from the butter and bread around him. The aliens energy transformed him into a bottle of wine and his three followers drunk.Let's remember him for that. And the fact he still walks with us is astonishing."More news on that laterAlso in the news the comic strip creators of Asterix are sueing Microsoft. *_*
In the news today a swan was accidently stepped on as a child thought it was a stepping stone. He was colour blind, the swan jumped into a frantic attack and took the childs eyes out.His parents said, "It was lucky the voilent creature took something that wasen't any use to him."
In the news today someone called me up and asked if they'd called the right number.
In the news today people making a film on doing a news report were sighted somewhere near my desk.
In the news today a giant shoe landed in the centre of London, people are still wondering who could have tied such big lases.
In the news today a man was to pick up a phone to find, not only a dialing tone, but a person saying, "Hello?"
Today in the news 'all boys' schools across the planet are organising get togethers on the matter of, 'Do girls exist?'. Please contact them if you have any evidence or proof on the matter.
In the news today a man poured scolding hot tomato soup on his face. He anounced it was very tasty, this was after the surgery.
In the news today a hedgehog was seen biting a whales tail.
oh.. oh oh... is that the sound of a bird scraping his beak along the washing machine lid?
In the news today a block of flats fell over when the lift started to work.
In the news today a monitored started to flicker and that ruined christmas for everyone.
In the news today a mars bar attacked an old women, the women commented that she didnt take a bite but the chocolate disagrees.Also in the news a turtle was seen acting like a tortoise, it is a crime to steal someone elses ID.
In the news today a teapot fell out of the sky, luckily the water was frozen? What on earth? A teapot!
In the news today a man with two hats wore both them in memory of his father, the hairy hat man who recently passed away
Today in the news christmas comes early when a drunk man dressed as santa speaks on a local radio station.
In the news today a big hat IS worth wearing.
Today in the news a man skidded down his roof and collapsed on top of his car after trying to reach the clouds. His wife told the press she had told him he couldnt see them anymore
- Nathan (munch) Viney
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)