Saturday, February 10, 2007

WAR on the Crumb part 3: Undercover work.

boo! Just thought id scare the lot of you.

Today in the news a man who wore a pink jumper was stoned to death.

Also in the news a boat has sunk in the coldest of seas, luckily one member of the crew was rescued, another froze to death in the waters. He said, "It was like shoving my head into my freazer, when it's turned to the coldest temperature."
"Have you any idea how you survived and your friend didnt?"
"I just told you how! i've practiced shoving my head in the freazer since i was five years old with my papa."
- The Daily Crumb
"Got chicken?"
Nathans log:
So, i'm stuck under a table with nothing but a laptop which i must add is going to run out of battery very soon.

I did hear the celing collapse earlier but it seems this desk is keeping me from harm.
I just cant escape, even if i do leap out to safety ill either be burnt, crushed or eaten by Sue's. It's a lose-lose situation.

The Police: "Ok, we've sent some highly professional torch people into the building, they all have camera's strapped to their helmets so we can see inside as well. They are also wearing protective gear.
This is inside the office at the moment."

"Any sign of life?"
"The fire looks alive."
"Yeh... you stay away from that"
"Got steak?"
Nathan's log:
Ok, i've made my decision, i'm going to put the laptop in my bag and run from there, right out the back and try and escape this madness.
ITV news:
"Well they say that there is no buisness like show buisness. Well, i think what people are saying today is. 'Die Daily Crumb.'
There has been many reports of people saying Nathan Viney snuck out of the back, but none of them truthful until now. One person called in at the exact time on CCTV footage an unidentified man ran out of the burning building.
The Police: "Did you see anyone run past or by you guys?"
Torch professionals: "Yes! Shot past me, burnt me leg off and now im on fire. It hurts, but im a professional."
The Police: "O...k, no Nathan then?"
Torch professionals: "Nope, but one of our men just ran off, i tried to call him back but he didnt."
The Police: "That may have been him."
Torch professionals: "Who?"
*hangs up*
Someone near the Daily Crumb disaster actually took a picture of the man running. We've examined it and yes, it is Nathan Viney. It looks like he's made a safe escape, NOW FIND HIM! He was last sighted on Rouy Tale Street, BRING YOUR PITCH FORKS! WITH FLAMING MARSHMELLOWS ON EACH POINT!

dot dot dot

*screen* "The madness has died down now. The building, burnt down, both police and army were called to the street where Nathan was last seen.
He was not found. The screaming mob of sues have evacuated the area and have gone home to give some cooking apples a bath. Non sign of Nathan since the incident, the police are sure he escaped though if they are wrong they are afraid they'll find his body whilst cleaning up the mess."
OK! listen up! Not many of you are reading the daily crumb lately because they dont think i've been writing it. BUT! My faithful fans though i am, you out there! I will be selling the Crumb daily on Union street DAILY and every day for only fourteen pound! Turn up to get your paper amazement illegally next to someone selling a big issue!

No one turned up.

- Nathan (munch) Viney

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