Today in the news i am stuck under a desk and the only word that has popped into my head is "DUCK!"
A duck was seen crossing a road today, he was then shot by a lethal maniac chicken. More on that later.
BBC Current Affairs reports on the happenings of The Daily Crumb studio disaster:
"Hi, we're going to eat some bread so when we talk crumbs fall out of our mouths. This has nothing to do with the news today. Yesterday The Daily Crumb Studios (News reporters) were ambushed by a huge gang of rioters with human fire.
We interviewed one of them:
"Gastly, idiots. This was all my idea you know! THEY LIED ABOUT ME! I WAS NEVER EATEN BY A RAPTOR!THEY NEVER DID INTERVIEW ME! AND THEY WERE AGAINST PEOPLE WITH WHEEL CHAIRS! THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN LET THEM LIVE NOW! ALMOST EVERYONE HERE HAS BEEN HURT!"
"What about him?"
"No, Jem just likes to pick fights."
The man we were interviewing was arrested shortly after. Still at this time no one has come into contact with the owner, Nathan Viney.
If he is inside, then it is possible this may be an almost death experience. Some people are saying they saw him run out of the back or escape somehow, no cctv has confirmed that. Nathan will not be arrested, the police are just trying to protect him.
We interviewed a policemen at the scene to confirm this
"THAT ******* STUCK A PENCIL IN MY BRAIN!"
Nathan's Monkey Log:
Its been at least two hours now, Adam actually went to the loo half an hour ago and never returned. In the time he was here though, he taught me how to spell. Ok, so the battle is rising, i think the best thing possible is to stay RIGHT HERE! and DO NOT move. Then in the end it'll be fine.
See, last time i said in the Crumb that there was a bomb in the building, now its obvious no one actually reads the Crumb because no ones responded to that comment.
JUST IN! Researcher viewers on sight are saying there is a 90% chance the whole building will collapse soon enough, encourageing all rioters and services to evacuate the area.
KEEPING TO DATE WITH THE SITUATION:
The back of the Crumb offices has already collapsed in itself.
Tony Blair was found with a monkey on his shoulder near the sight.
"I was over for a pizza and a warm cup of mud and suddenly i had the terrible erge to go to the loobert. Soon enough id sat down and was honking a smell one out and then an angry monkey opened the door. I was like, "AGHH!"
Monkey: "He screamed like a girl he did."
Tony: "Impossible, im not a girl."
Monkey: "Then suddenly the room fell off of the building bursting a pipe or something throwing us into the air. I would love to do it again."
Both Tony Blair and the monkey were taken by the RSPCA.
A man named Adam Phillips was found surfing the most pit of rioters he said, "I went to the loo, fell through and then found myself surfing an audience. It was magic, one of them will have got my backside fall-out dump though. My heart goes out to them"
"Nathan Viney found dead"- The Sun.
(The idiots! They are paid to lie. Stupid morans hahahahahahaha)
THE MAIN OFFICE CEILING WHERE NATHAN VINEY WAS THOUGHT TO BE HIDING HAS JUST COLLAPSED IN ON ITSELF.
"A tear goes out to the bit of the brain i owned, i left it there, i'll never forgive myself." - Daniel (Vector) Kerr. This man was one of the only people the Daily Crumb team ever actually made good of. Since the Daily Crumb named him "The Smartest Man in the World" Daniel has has thousands of interviews all of the world.
"No, they aint done nuthin for me."
"OMG NATHAN HAS STILL BEEN POSTING THE DAILY CRUMB WHILE HE'S BEEN IN THERE! HE SAYS THERE IS A BOMB IN THE BUILDING! EVERYBODY RUN!"
(And... now... it takes effect. Thanks alot)
Daniel: "I read that ages ago, but as everyone here is protesting that everything the Crumb says is a lie i suspected this was too."
*The rioters left the scene and escorted their way back home.*
The Police: "If there really was a bomb in there, it would have exploded when the ceiling fell in, unless he's still alive inside."
The Police (band): It is possible, Roxaaanne."
Also in the news a bird was made bankrupt, but more on that later.
Nathan: "This desk should keep me a bit safe, that is untill something really heavy falls through."