NEWS TODAY: Current

Today in the news a man asked for a return ticket to the city, he was ripped off.
Also in the news John Howard announced the reason hes been away the past days, he has been setting up a Cannibal camping trip with pm, Tony Blair. They leave tonight and are going to report everything that happens in notebooks.
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"Hahah IM PM!"
"NO I AM!"
*crunch*
"MY SHOULDER!"
"mm haam..."
*splat*
"GET THAT FORK OUT OF ME!"
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And in slightly less disturbing news George Bush was depressed he wasnt a cannibal and was determined to become one. George was recently stopped whilst trying to slice an old mans arm off. He only got half way, George found the taste addictive and has been taken into care.
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People with red and black hair are said to be dumber due to the fact gothicness effects the brain. Also scientists have found out recently that being a goth can attract lethal flesh eating mutant birds. These are said to peck through your skull and suck up your brain killing you instantly.
If you are a goth: Look on the bright side.. no dont look there... actually.
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"Hey, wanna taste my icecream?"
"Only if you havent licked it."
"Yes."
"Yes what?"
"I havent licked it."
"Oh.. ok, *lick*"
"Ok.. wait, i cant eat it now..."
*punch* *blood* *crash* *snap*
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The man sat there, staring at the monitor, suddenly, out of the darkness crept a giant DONKEY!
"MAN MAKE FIRE! MAN SHOULD BURN IN FIRE!"
"ok."
*grabs lighter*
Donkey: "How do you use this thing anyway?"
"You just.. kinda.. click it sort of.. and then a flame should appear."
"ok.. ok good."
*flame appears*
"BURN BURN!"
"AGHGHH!"
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THE NEWS:
BBC: "RIP Nathan Viney."
Nathan: "What do you use for food down here tramp man?"
Tramp: "I usually grab myself bits of rat and mud splodges and nibble on them a bit. Tasty and delicious."
Nathan: "How... did you become homeless?"
Tramp: "Well i was born in a lonely train carriage left in the sand planes, my life got better from there."
Nathan: "Sweet. Just a sec, keep talking but ill probably be ignoring you while i write this Daily Crumb article."
Tramp: "Ok."
*Writes*
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If you have been either mentally or physically effected by Todays Daily Crumb please resort to depression.
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*dances to memorable tune*


- Nathan (munch) Viney
of the Daily Crumb