Today in the news

Today in the news a toaster replaced a iron when it was turned upside down but now the clothes have crumbs all over them. They are rethinking the whole thing.

Tramp Snatcher should be out soon enough but untill then let us enjoy the grace the news has brought us since october 2006

From October 30 to december the 5th

And today in the news someone was found with a packet of chewing gum.

Today in the news protests and issues are evolving on the issue of germs are gods creatures too. The crowds are planning to sue up to three companies for advertising about the deaths of 3d animated germs dieing after touching a blob of cleaning fluid.
In other news a man has built a replica of Postman Pats mail van. He says it’s attracting wild cats.

Today in the news the president of the United States was replaced by a plank of wood. I firmly agree to this change of position as i believe George W Bush was verbally impaired.Also on the headlines of most newspapers today a man choked to death on a chocolate button in a cinema whilst sharing popcorn with his imaginary friend.Head of parliment said in a press conference, "I'm personally glad the man's dead, chocolate buttons are discusting."This has brought across many riots on 10 downing street. The priminister found a midget with a giant firework strapped to his back inside Tony Blaire's clothes cupboard. A few hours later a rumour spread the internet and the BBC news, even going across to America and Australia that there was a packet of chocolate buttons in the Priminister's front pocket. He denies the whole thing.

Headline in the news today my light bulbs gone out so I’ve stolen someone else’s.
In the news today an Elephant named Pete was found stuck/sunk in a giant puddle of mud. Visitors including children are paying three pounds to have a ride if they are a certain height. And weight

In the news today a man miss read his script on a live show saying, "Whats that on the road? A head?" When it actually read "Whats that on the road ahead?"

In the news today a manager of a football team keeps slipping due to the fact the players keep dribbling..

Today in the news a man in Ireland kept tripping over an invisable block in the street. Only after thousands of investigations and news reports did they tell us the man was a Mime.

Today in the news a small man entered a library only to walk into the biggest trouble he’d ever come across. A bookshelf.

Today in the news it is said that stepping in a puddle can cause an earthquake in the sea, although scientists deny this theory the voodoo believers are all for it.

Today in the news it has been reported that Britian is the most spyed upon country with thousands of cameras spreading it. They think its due to all of the surveliance that celebrities have, i think we should get rid of them all.

Today in the news a man with two legs attempted hopping over a large fallen tree. He failed and stubbed his toe.

In the news today a man was frightened to find out he'd have to have his finger taken off after it got stuck between two keys on his keyboard. He was trying to reach some biscuit crumbs as his wife told him not to eat by the computer.

Today in the news a baby swallowed a five pound note; the doctors say it will pass through without any harm. So far, there’s been no change.

In the news today a Computer monitor is concidered a fire hazard... well done Dell.

Today in the news a man with no head was seen walking suspiciously into a carpark. People are calling him the "Man Chicken."The fan club spokesmen... spoke: "Goodwheetabix. Today we read from chapter thirty two of the Man Chicken Gospel. He rose again, and walked towards the freedom of his mighty Pod. The lights were overwelming, releasing all stress from the butter and bread around him. The aliens energy transformed him into a bottle of wine and his three followers drunk.Let's remember him for that. And the fact he still walks with us is astonishing."More news on that laterAlso in the news the comic strip creators of Asterix are sueing Microsoft. *_*

In the news today a swan was accidently stepped on as a child thought it was a stepping stone. He was colour blind, the swan jumped into a frantic attack and took the childs eyes out.His parents said, "It was lucky the voilent creature took something that wasen't any use to him."

In the news today someone called me up and asked if they'd called the right number.

In the news today people making a film on doing a news report were sighted somewhere near my desk.

In the news today a giant shoe landed in the centre of London, people are still wondering who could have tied such big lases.

In the news today a man was to pick up a phone to find, not only a dialing tone, but a person saying, "Hello?"

Today in the news 'all boys' schools across the planet are organising get togethers on the matter of, 'Do girls exist?'. Please contact them if you have any evidence or proof on the matter.

In the news today a man poured scolding hot tomato soup on his face. He anounced it was very tasty, this was after the surgery.

In the news today a hedgehog was seen biting a whales tail.

oh.. oh oh... is that the sound of a bird scraping his beak along the washing machine lid?

In the news today a block of flats fell over when the lift started to work.

In the news today a monitored started to flicker and that ruined christmas for everyone.

In the news today a mars bar attacked an old women, the women commented that she didnt take a bite but the chocolate disagrees.Also in the news a turtle was seen acting like a tortoise, it is a crime to steal someone elses ID.

In the news today a teapot fell out of the sky, luckily the water was frozen? What on earth? A teapot!

In the news today a man with two hats wore both them in memory of his father, the hairy hat man who recently passed away

Today in the news christmas comes early when a drunk man dressed as santa speaks on a local radio station.

In the news today a big hat IS worth wearing.

Today in the news a man skidded down his roof and collapsed on top of his car after trying to reach the clouds. His wife told the press she had told him he couldnt see them anymore


- Nathan (munch) Viney