Friday, January 30, 2009

Pupendai agrees to video

Today in the news Show Your Interviewer You Are Enthusiastic:

--
Also in the news
Pupendai, the lead vocalist alongside Mr. Bindy agreed to lip sync in a short, moneyless music video for 'Ekalopse can't play music'.
It was earlier rumoured that he did not want anything else to do with the 3 person band.
Here is a shot of them having a reunion.

From right:
Cournal Ekalopse (Horns), Pupendai (Lead Vocals), Mr. Bindy (Song writing, keyboard and vocals)
Pupendai had this to say:
"I left them last week. I was bored of the mix and mesh they were writing. It was utter trash. My vocals have played in part for Damon Albarn's voice in the past. This is going backwards and that is something i am not happy to do. Ekalopse was interesting at first, the mentally insane freak that Mr. bindy is these days.
too be honest i have no idea how he got popular, his voice aches my poor ears every time he speaks.
So i get a letter to meet up at the old studio. I suppose i wanted to say a worthy 'cya later' to the folks. Cournal Ekalopse made some excellent cakes."

Mr. Bindy said that: "It was wonderful to see Pupendai back. He played part in some of the earlier albums. Been with me a long time, i can see why now was his departing time. We wont be looking for another vocalist."

New video:


Edit:
Photoshoot, 'alone and hating.'

- The Daily Crumb

BackFO clips

Today in the news a knife was arrested for smuggling itself onto a plane.
The owner, James Bennet, with a criminal record said "I am shocked at this matter. I never thought he had it in him"

---
Well also in the news UFO's have been once again sighted in, i believe france and somewhere else.
Well, unfortunately i believe these fake videos need better animators.
But it has come to the point, where if a ufo really did levitate over earth and some great footage was shot of it, we would not believe it. "Dats CGI, dat is right der!"
We'd all speak like that.

The clips either show 3d saucepans or tiny black dots flying around. They are filmed like a 'live tragic' event.


Ok, so they have not 'once again' been sighted. They're being sighted all the time.

But why isnt ufo sighting big enough for the news? Especially amazing footage like that! Journalists turning around to see an army of spaceships flying towards them.
Id think that was the first sign of contact. There were about 4 there! Yet it does not make the local news, nor the country news, and not the worldwide news.

If they are really there, with that many witnesses, i want to see one of those fantastic news reporters talking about it on the BBC!

Anyway

---


Mr. Bindy did a photoshoot last weekend. Only one photo made it out alive. The rest were apparently blurred by rainbow steam.


---


On the same weekend i did a bit of a photo shoot as well. A few photos of my good sides and then they were released for the world to see.



- The Daily Crumb

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Fish and Chips in the Air

Today in the news
The old man from UP must be a relative of the new Doctor Who, Matt Smith with a chin like that.

____

In other news Mr. Bindy sent us an email:
"Earlier this year i was fired, rehired and then just sent away and told not to make any more music. It became a very depressing time for me.
Well over the new jolly years i had never experienced this.
Halfway through my LIVE recite of 'Waltzing Matilda' i had a head shock, you may be able to hear it, i heard the drums.
Ekalopse was born, i am not mentally stable at the moment. The Ekalopse Cournal, Brother and Sister have been creating music through me and i hate it.
They cannot make music for FAX. They forced me into releasing their new song,
'Ekalopse can't make music'."

video

I personally wish they'd learn how to keep in time. Must be difficult having demonic souls singing out of tune in your head.

Well it has been a while since there was a good DAILY CRUMB write up. And, well today we're going to say this, "No... too much screen writing is REVOLTING. I cannot read, it brings me out in a rash. Make sure you

seperate

the

words

so it looks like less to read.

Or, maybe you could begin at the start and go from there.

Let us start here, at point number one.
(This is POINT number one)
Man sitting down, waiting for a bus.
you"Excuse me, is this spot taken?"
"Well.. nope."
you"Why thankyou."
"No.. problem..."
you"So, whats on the menu?"
"I'm sorry?"
you"The menu, up there."
"Oh... bus times?"
you"Really, is there a special for today?"
"I dont think so."
you"Oh ok. I've got a date."
"Thats good."
you"She's beautiful, she'll be sharing the chair, do you mind?"
"Nope."
you"She likes wine."
"Thats nice."
you"So you may want to block your ears when we're served."
"Urh..."
you"Have you eaten already?"
"Sandwich before i came out."
you"Long journey was it?"
"Nope, just down the road."
you"Oh! You're not eating?"
"Do i look like i'm eating?"
you"You're a waitor!"
"No, i'm not."
you"Manager?"
"Nope."
you"What are you then?"
"A passenger. And a victim to your useless NOISE!"
you"Oh, bus is here."
"Yep, are you getting on?"
you"Nope, waiting for my date."
"Whos that?"
you"Valantines day."
"You're waiting till Valantines day to catch a bus?"
you"No, i'm waiting till Valantines day to see you again."
"bye."
you"Byyee!! mmm. I smell those Fish and Chips in the air."

You know you're in England when you open the front door to the smell of Fish and chips in the air.


- The Daily Crumb

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Breakthrough Archaeologist

Today in the news birds angry at plane going into their personal space.

and
Diamonds found in Musuem. Doctor Jennings chipped away at the walls, eventually finding many historic monuments. You can buy the journal of his travels at PJenningsJournal.com or on Amazon.

Here is a segment of his writing
"I could not believe it myself, the mona lisa! No one guessed there may have been two. But here i am, standing in front of it. Beautiful, i have a collection of diggers with me, Pete and Breks. We call him Breks because he always breaks his cereal bowls.
Actually, to be honest, it is a bit ugly. Why does she not have eyebrows? I am sure the other one had eyebrows.


I have told my crew to start digging at the wall around the picture frame. We might be able to thrust it out of the stone wall.
A red glimmer has been reported in the distance, must be a light reflection from outside the stone walls. Sirens?

Day 4
In a jail cell. Surrounding me are tall stone walls, a bucket and cobweb bed. Apparently i broke into the Louvre. I am inquiring into the idea that the Government are trying to conceal the second copy of the Mona Lisa.

Morning.
I meet up with Pete and Breks in the long dining room. Chairs scattered with theives and murderers. I dont really like to be near them myself as a respectable Archaeologist.
Porridge is served. Breks broke his bowl."


Any bookshop
Adventure story about an Archaeologist that thinks hes been wrongly accused. The story takes him from research, learning study techniques, getting arrested, digging a hole, escaping, digging a hole, escaping and then digging a hole and getting stuck in it.

"Day 2
I have been down the local library and flicked through the many historical books. Guided by a Doctor Jifna i was pointed towards a collection of books.
I found one in which was based on the amazing artwork held in the Louvre, France. This is of course, where the Mona Lisa is held well done.
Behind the book was another one, exactly the same. A duplicate copy of the other Louvre book.

Of course i raised an eyebrow and realised suddenly, no one had noticed this before. I was the first to come across a second Louvre. A possible Temple of Louvre.
Well, at first i was shocked at my excellence but soon i went on to discover it was also in France, and held such treasures as a Mona Lisa. Another copy. Extraodinary.
Of course i called the crew, my pals Pete and Breks. We call him Breks because he breaks his cereal bowls.

In one day i had discovered something no one else had ever seen. When my pals heard of the discovery they were flabbergasted and agreed to help me with the dig.
Dr Jennings signing out"

*

Have you ever fallen into a bucket of thoughts whilst trying to concentrate on something really boring?
Of course you have
Have you ever gone to do something but then forget what you were going to do?
Of course you have
Well now i know what you've got.
A disease.
It is called 'The Chattering Mind'

*

Hi Kids!
Hi Foggy!

*

Can i just have some chips please?
What do you mean some?
Just some chips
Some?
Chips.
How many?
Just a few.
But what size?
Medium.
Ok.
Could i have a pepsi as well?
We only do coca cola.
Ok I'll have a cola.
A coca cola?
Yes, a cola.
Ok, there you go.
No, sorry i meant pepsi.
You said coke.
No, i said Cola.
We dont do Pepsi
Ok i'll just have an apple juice, do you do nuggets?
We do. Do you want nuggets as well?
That would be nice. Chicken?
Yes, chicken.
You what?
Yes, chicken.
I'm not a chicken.
No! It is made of chicken!
What is??
The chicken nuggets!!
Well i dont want them then.
Here are your chips, would you like salt on them?
Sea salt?
Table salt.
Cleaned?
What?
Has the table been cleaned?

- The Daily Crumb

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Wednesday Horoscopes (With the Medium)

Today in the news Cadbrey are scouting for new chocolate ideas like 'The Credit Crunchie'.

Also
You've reached page 1 of this 1 page newspaper.
and accidently walked into the Horoscopes section.
The medium, Nathaniel Tinga's Daily Horoscope:
14th November 1973


Aries:
You may find your mind asking you to leave a point in life. It would be in your best interest to ignore that voice you hear and stay put. Home is where the fridge is. If there is a person or object you are waiting for, it will come with patience. If you're not patient, it will take longer to come.

Libra:
You have very good eyes, as in you can see tiny details. With these skills you may just save someones life this week. That, or point out something discusting on someone's food.

Taurus:
Try and twist the chatter to a better direction when speaking to friends. You realise it is getting really boring, introduce an exciting topic, like blinking lights.
Check out this website for further advice on Taurus Addiction
Http://www.I'veGotTaurusAddiction.com helps not only the Taurus, but the victim of the Taurus. So if a Taurus realises they've got Taurus they can let the people around them know about it. I've Got Taurus Addiction .com has interactive help-line-chat-rooms and guides to straightening your life out again, and hair. Dont let those sniffer dogs catch YOU.

Scorpio:
You like to explain to people, but you are really bad at it. Take a walk in the fresh air, dive down a waterfall for cooling refreshment or travel back in time to meet old stars that are long gone dead now.

Gemini:
You're finding it really hard to read people at this point in time, and books. You cannot grasp the words you are looking for.
Whilst stories are being told people seem angry at you, but they're not, they're just messed up in the head. If you're Gemini and not a woman, please see a doctor.

Sagittarius:
Thats it! they're getting at you from all sides! They keep pointing and firing arrows into your back. I say, RELAX! Take some time to yourself or one day you'll find yourself as a peach tree.
Or worse, a man horse with wings.

Cancer:
I can see Cancer is a star moving through space, i'm not really a space man myself but id say you needed to crash land. A person of this star does not normally actually float away from earth and reach the sun. But this time you are, blink twice, have a drink and realise your surroundings.

Capricorn:
You're a chef/a good chef and there is nothing wrong with that. If you are a bad chef i think advise is to learn and see how you enjoy it.
If you've had/ or have an accident in the past present or future please be aware that people are there to call the emergency number. You do not have to be scared of that as you walk around the shops.
(Play bingo LIVE with all of your friends here. (Over 80's Only)

Leo:
Your thoughts are normally the right ones, say something whether you're ignored or not. (Homework: Practice this technique with deaf person)
Send this to a friend

Aquarius:
No, i was joking go away.
You CAN spell. Everything is swirling around you, your job is to pick out the things that make you smile. Then make something of them.
Call us for FREE Psychic Reading, actual call costs though.

Virgo:
This reading always scares me, ok.. i am getting clouds. A light flow. But rather cold, it has been cold in your area. Too much icecream leads to fatness, you need to diet.

Pisces:
Everything is so fast moving, similar to Aquarius: Read up!
You do like your prawns... fast food. You love your fast food, but your money is disapearing. Maybe find some cheaper things to eat.


See you in my next movie, Nightmare on the Silver Screen.

- Nathaniel tinga, Professional Medium

Thankyou Nathaniel.


- The Daily Crumb

Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Mirror Moon Newspaper and circling helicopters

Today in the news bull sights red in appliances section.

Giant glass of wine with a face drawn on it is named Mayor of Encyclopedia.

and Fierce Cat sues bus company.

*

Also in the news lighthouse man drops brick on canoe.
"Why did you do it?"
"Why does anyone do the things that they do?"

Entire Farm shut down due to the smell attracting helicopters.

and young celebrity popstar Mildred Threwsh was fired before she became a young celebrity popstar.

*

I'm just reading an article in 'The Mirror Moon' and wondering why they even bother selling this rubbish. Listen to this.
"Apparently there has been signs of forced entry in the giant marshmellow."
How could anyone even believe that? Apart from the obvious image evidence they have on the page.
I'm going to write and complain.

"Subject: Complaint
Dear Mirror Moon writer/s.

I am just a casual reader, i do not work for another newspaper. I was just wondering why you have such terrible writers.
Just a tiny tip, fire whoever writes the articles in the section of the paper that has writing in it. You are a horrible newspaper and i hope my complaints will cause you to close down.

PS: Give me back my customers

- The Daily Crumb '

There we go.
Posted it in the old E-mail box now all i have to do is waa.. i'm just wondering. Did i put 'The Daily Crumb' at the end?... no surely not, i'm not that stupid.
Hey! I'll tell you something else that happened today! This bug was climbing up the glass window so i let him in and now he's running across my office floor. You see, here at the Daily Crumb the exciting only gets more exciting when the fish arent dancing, and they rarely do, so thats positive.
Ooo *REPLY*

"Subject: AutoMirror_Info
Dear valued Customer
I am sorry to say we get over 1 million emails a day. It may come as a surprise to you but this email has been sent 'automatically'. Meaning, no human has had any influence in it's sending.
If your questions are not answered here or here please wait a few days for your email to be answered."

Well if i had the time id go down there, knock on the door and beat the living day-lights out of the skum that work there.
But i'm a bit busy at the moment.

"Subject: RE: AutoMirror_Info

OK i'll wait. "


- The Daily Crumb

Character Options

Today in the news in is the new out.

Also
Character Options released info on their new Doctor Who toy line up.
This is crazy
I personally like them.
Although as that weeping angels been eating too many burgers?



See more here
http://www.action-figure.com/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=24238

- The Daily Crumb

Friday, January 09, 2009

Poor Margaret

Today in the news a car was juiced as it looked like an orange.
Also in the news




PART 2
A dramatic comedy thingy
Read part 1 in the post before this

--
"Oh i do love Jaffa Cakes Margaret."
"Do you?"
"Mm yes! My favourite, are there any more Margaret?"
"I'm sorry Alfred, i have not got any more."
"Aw Shambles. Well are you going to the shop soon?"
"I was not planning to."
"Oh."
"I suppose i can."
"Good Good! Get something nice for dinner as well!"
"What like?"
"I dont know! you're the one making it. Cant expect me to work my noggin over time."
"Okay Alfred. Have you seen my shoes?"
"No."
"Oh here they are
ew
They're full of poo."
"Ooh dear. You see this bloke on tv, he never ages!! It's amazing, i saw him in the original series and he looked the same!"
"I'll have to wash them now."
"Dont worry Margaret, you can go bear foot. I dont think people will stare."
"Well why.. I mean.. i guess.. no i think i have some spares in the other room."
"Margaret."
"Yes Alfred?"
"Can i get rid of this picture of Legless Larry over here? Its distracting me from the television.


Are you crying in the kitchen?"
"No... im fine.
"Ok, just dont want any tears on my pie lunch for tommorow. A taste like sour rain."
"I'm going to the shop now."
"Bye."
"Bye."

*

"Hello Margaret! How are you doing?"
"I'm fine Samuel... How are you coping after the wedding?"
"Yeah im ok, im just worried about my Grandfather, i kicked him out, have not seen him in 3 weeks."
"Oh dear."
"Yep, one baked beans left. Do you want it?"
"Oh, no i wont, Alfred dont like baked beans."
"Alfred?"
"Your Grandfather."
"What?.. well.. is he staying with you??"
"Oh, yes yes he is. Did you not know?"
"No i did not. You really should not have done that Margaret, he does not deserve the kindness you give."
"Oh thats kind Samuel. I do miss Larry so much. "
"Guess i'll take the baked beans then."
"Ok."
"So how is he?"
"He's ok, just at home watching television. Actually, i think he asked me to buy some jaffa cakes.. so i'll do that."
"You're a little bit slow arent you Margaret?"
"Sorry darling, my hearings going."
"I said i have a doll that sings and glows Margaret. "
"Oh ok. Thats lovely sweetheart. I must be getting back to your Grandfather. He'll be wondering where his Jaffa Cakes are by now."
"You know Margaret, Larry was a much friendlier person than Alfred. If you were smart you'd stick up for yourself and KICK THAT MAN OUT!"


*

"Thanks for the Jaffa Cakes Margaret."
"That is ok Alfred."
"What are you doing?"
"Sitting."
"It may look like a two seater Margaret but there is only enough room for me."
"Ok."
"Theres a nice seat just over there for you."
"Yes of course."
"Comfy?"
"Yes lovely, Alfred."
"Lovely, wheres that hot chocolate you promised me?"
"I dont remember...

Okay."


*DInG dONG*
"Oh hello Samuel! How are you doing?"
"I've come to relieve you of Alfred!"
"Oh you're so kind. Would you like a cup of tea?"
"Yes please Margaret."
"He's in the living room."
"Thankyou Margaret."

"Alright grandson?"
"Yes Grandpa."
"That Margaret's been taking care of me like a right tomato."
"I'm sure she has. Do you want to come home with me Grandfather?"
"No i'm fine boy. I'll just lay here.."
"You mean sit."
"Yeah Samuel's a good lad."
"Are you ok Alfred?"
"Absolutely."
"You're a bit green."
"2 Sugars??"
"Yes please."
"Does your grandad want one?"
"No, he dont drink tea. God, her memories as bad as yours."
"Right you are son."
"Are you sure you're ok Grandpa?"
"Absolutely, here, could you turn the television off, its loud and burning my ears if you know?"
"Grandad... it is off."
"Good lad. You're the best grandson i could ever had."
"Thanks Grandpa."
"Here, what ever happened to your father?"
"He died Grandpa... he was killed when he was swimming and an aeroplane crash landed onto the water above him."
"Oh no..."
"Grandpa.. you're crying.. heh.. you never cried when you first heard. You just said he deserved it for having a glowing red nose to call the plane towards him when he had a cold."
"I dont remember."
"Oh.. Grandfather, do you remember bringing me up?"
"I remember you when you were about 8. We went to the park."
"I remember that as well, i fell and hit my knee."
"So did i."
"Oh no, it was just you wasnt it."
"I cant... i cant remember."
"Grandpa you need a sleep. Margaret! How much sleep did he get last night?"
"I'm not sure, the television was on all night but when i came for breakfast he was fast asleep on the sofa. I think that sofa has been food for small creatures these last few days. He only eats by the TV."
"Yes i know... Grandfather, we'll go back to my house and you can have a nice nap, i'll order some pizza. You love pizza."
"I loved the times we had.. Thankyou Margaret. You made a nice... sort of.. i cant remember, some sort of soup. but i can still taste it."
"Oh.. thankyou Mr. Alfred."
"Mm"
"Come on! Stand up!"
"Ok..... oh.. i dont think i can."
"He's just being a lazy sod again, go on, stand up Grandfather."
"I really cant Samuel my boy."
"Stop it Grandpa, you're being a real nit again."
"Sorry. I cant move my legs. I cant feel them at all."
"Hm."
"I'm sorry Margaret."
"What for Alfred?"
"For pushing Larry off the side of a cliff in his wheelchair."
"You what?"
"I said for dusting Barry's Rav 4 at the Village Fair."
"I'm sorry Alfred, i dont know Barry."
"Thats ok then."
"You're going white grandfather."
"Mh. Ghost colour.. suppose i'm getting closer."
"Dont speak like that."
"I can do irish if you want."
"Heh.. you were always a bit funny grandpa."
"Thankyou.... "
"Grandfather?

Grandfather?... oh no....
his heart.... it has stopped. Wha. .but.. i .. ther............."
"Teas up! Just come and collect it on the dining table Samuel. Oh, why are you crying Samuel?"
"He's dead.... he's dead Margaret."
"Yes i know that Samuel but why are you crying?"

- The Daily Crumb

BreckFEST celebrates Kelloggsology

Today in the news BreckFEST began another months shows. If you are unaware, BreckFEST is a competition of TV script writers. Thousands send in their short episode ideas, over 20 are picked and produced into live action and animated films by Daily Crumb Films and BBC. Bringing some love into the community.
And Kelloggsology is of course the creative mind.

Also in the news man runs over sleeping policeman.
Chef becomes major artist after cutting her leg off and looking at the bloody result.
and some lines just are together randomly stuck.

Also in the news
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Adventures of ALFRED the ever so slightly old man.


"Hi old timer. How are you today?"
"Oh I'm fine. Dropped a sweet earlier, meaning to go and look for it."
"Oh, nice, i'm going to go and make some toast."
"Oh.."
"What?"
"Well, its just... nothing."
"No, what is it Grandpa?"
"Nothing, hey, you know i dropped a sweet earlier."
"Ya! haha. Funny days ay Grandpa."
"Yes I was meaning to go and look for it!"
"Haha! Well toast time i think, do you want anything Grandpa?"
"Hmph."
"What is it?"
"Nothing! Go make your toast!"
"You're grumpy Grandpa, do you want a hug?"
"No! I want my sweet!"
"OOOHHH, why didnt you just say so... oh dear Grandpa, its got all dog hair on it."
"Well buy me some more."
"Sorry Grandpa?"
"I said I've just seen a boar."
"Haha, all your stories Grandpa, you could write a book one day."
"Can you even read?"
"Silly questions Grandpa haha, i love you!"
"You are a moron, A MORON!"
"Hot chocolate tonight pa? Warm up to Coronation street ay?"
"I dont even like Coronation Street you P*Ang!"
"Grandfather! The language please!"
"How old are you , 3? No! You're 20 and you're the only one here! I CAN SAY WHAT I LIKE!"
"Oh, dont raise your voice Grandpa, you'll dribble on your suit. You dont want to mess it up before my wedding do you."
"I'm not a paper! I mean, a baby! I'm not a baby! Damn typos. Oh dear.. bit of dribble there.. why are you marrying her? Shes so ugly."
"I'll pretend i didnt hear that pa."
"Yeah, im just jealous, better looking than your Grandmother."
"Grandpa!"
"What?"
"You've gone and dribbled on your new suit."
"So what?"
"People will stare."
"Let them stare, i still have my limp."
"I suppose they'll be staring anyway. Straighten that tie Grandpa."
"You do it."
"I'm too busy with my tie pa, do it yourself. We have to leave soon."
"My arms arent moving."
"Pa? Are you feeling ok?"
"Well. I CAN'T MOVE MY ARMS!"
"Oh dear, you're right.. here, i'll do the tie for you."
"Could you pass me the cigarettes, perfect grandson?"
"Of course pa."
"Thanks."
"Hey! You just used your arm to grab the cigarettes! The cheek!"
"HAHAHAHAhahahHAHS*cough*HAHAHA*choke*hahaAH*cough*Haghrruuh ghuagry."

"Pa?"



"Pa?"


"Yes?"
"Oh PA! You frightened the living daylights out of me!"
"I want more sweets."

*

"Oh my God Alfred, i... what happened?"
"What do you mean what happened Margaret?
"You're in a wheelchair!"
"Oh this! Nothing, i was being forced to walk to the wedding so i decided to take a wheelchair from next doors garden."
"You.. what??"
"I said, i was being FORCED to WALK to the WEDDING with my FEET. So i stole a wheelchair from a leggless man."
"Yes yes.. i heard you... um.. so... what do you think of the coffee?"
"I dont drink coffee."
"But you are drinking it now."
"Oh.. well then it is terrible."
"Lovely day for it."
"What? For having a horrible taste in your mouth?"
"No Alfred! for the wedding!"
"Oooh... Well for once you're right Margaret. It is a rather delightful day. Why are you dressed in green margaret?"
"Oh, you like it? I got it for a nice price at.."
"No, i just thought it was all black at weddings."
"Oh.. what was your wedding like Alfred?"
"I cant really remember it. I know someone didnt turn up though."
"Cant have been anyone important if you cant remember it ay?"
"Nah course not! Actually it was me. Do you want this tea?"
"It's coffee."
"No, beer please."
"Right.. i'll be back in a mo."
"Goodbye Margaret."

"I'm back."
"Why?"
"I brought you your beer."
"Oh, thanks."
"Dont they look lovely together?"
"She'd be better off with me."
"Excuse me?"
"I said id rather live under the sea."
"Oh ok."
"Tell you what, this wine is terrible."
"It's beer Alfred."
"I asked for Wine."
"You said beer."
"I meant wine."
"Oh."
"Sorry Margaret."
"REALLY?"
"What What?"
"I mean.. its ok... "
"Hold on a minute, why did you get all shocked then?"
"Well... you're never normally so kind."
"Oh.. must be the whole wedding mood. It is sort of jolly. Peanuts!"
"What?"
"Someones handing them out over there."
"Oh lovely."
"So what happened to your husband Margaret?"
"I already told you, he lost his legs under a train."
"No i mean, why didnt he turn up today?"
"Someone stole his wheelchair this morning."
"Oooh Dear. Friggen kids these days dont care who they're joking around with."
"That wheelchair comfy?"
"Yes yes!"
"Would you mind, after the wedding.. if i could take it home for Larry."
"Yes! We can put him in it and roll him off a cliff! Then we can get married ay Margaret? It's that sort of jolly!...
Margaret? Oh why are you crying?
Oh it is that coffee isnt it, those darn... you know i paid for all of this! Excuse me!! EXCUSE ME!"
"Yes sir?"
"I paid for all of this."
"I heard."
"I expect better coffee."
"I am sorry sir, we will try harder."
"Thankyou."
"So that your grandson out there is it?"
"Yep! Finally a real man. We're going to the ballet after to celebrate!"
"I see, well goodbye old man."
"The cheek! I'm only 80!"


*

"How could you Grandpa?"
"Turn the heater on would you pal."
"You completely ruined my wedding!"
"You got married didnt you?"
"No! That was what ruined it!"
"Oh dont be a fat git!"
"What?"
"I said dont be a fat git!"
"WHAT?"
"FAT!..."
"Yes i get it Grandfather!"
"Good."
"How could you..."
"Stop mumbling, whats on the box?"
"The friggen TV grandad! It's A TV!"
"Alright alright! Never seen you this stressed in my long short life!"
"Why do you think i'm mad Grandfather?"
"As an old person i start to gain memory loss."
"SOME BODY ruined my wedding!"
"Oh dear! WHO?"
"SOME ONE by the name of AL..."
"Margaret?"
"No.. Alf....."
"Not Alf, i didnt know he turned up, the cheek!"
"No Grandpa, A certain Grandfather."
"Dont blame Larry! He has no legs!"
"If anyone is to blame, it is you father!"
"Actually it was Margaret, she gave me all those beers."
"You ruined my wedding BEFORE you were drunk Grandpa."
"Really? What happened then?"
"You remember."
"You mean apart from running up between you and your future wife shouting, "She deserves better!"
"You shouted it in slow motion, tipped a candle over and caused a fire in the building."
"Should get plastic candles, you know.. with the little lightbulbs in them, that'd be perfect. Why are they.."
"SHUT UP! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
"What?"
"You heard me Grandpa, the street for you. I've been taking care of you for years on end, dont think i havent heard what you call me."
"You pelicans fart flaps."
"What did you say?"
"Shooshell again Cart Snaps."
"I thought i said get out."
"I thought i said get out."
"You *********."
"Oh thankyou thankyou! I expected about 3 or 4 stars but 9! I could be up for an oscar!"
"Get the hell out that door and never come back."
"Get the phone would you."
"Ok. But when i get back you HAVE to be gone!"
"Fine."


(In other room)
"OH NO! I'm so very sorry margaret. That is very unfortunate, my thoughts go out to you. How did it happen?.... someone put him in a wheel chair and pushed him off a cliff?

Oh dear me."



"Hello Margaret! Oh darling, dont be so sad, im sure you'll get over it in a minute. Can i sit here?"
"Yes.. i suppose."
"Oh lovely, could you put the kettle on?"
"You like tea?"
"I dont."
"Why do you want the kettle on?"
"Oh is that what they are for? Well, suppose dont turn it on then.
Now, whats on the box?
Ooo Coronation Street!"




- The Daily Crumb

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Baby at Door after the news

Today in the news
Woman in camouflage gets lost in bushes

And lollypop man was caught eating his sign.

Shoes are banned in town where prize winners are expecting shoes. The town of Henssburg, America's people were forced to give in all of their shoes due to the new law.
Later on today the rule was taken away and the shoes were given back as prizes. The families were very pleased they had won such lovely gifts.

and Fat Uncle not worthy of having a name.
(More of that on page 34)

Also in the news meat eater seen eating lettace
Lettace eater seen eating apple.
And food eater seen eating a piece of wood.
All of them have been taken in for questioning.
One was let off for being a flying turtle and not apart of the human law system.

Early on in the week a flat mate realised the ceiling was too low.

Tom Hanks admitted he was the son of his father.
(More on that in the sports section)

And man switches television channel to find sound on mute.

In the news today no one was arrested for a bank robbery
&
No one was arrested for a murder
Police suspect the husband because he lived with the woman.
Police suspect teenagers of bank robbery because they are hooligans.

Bag of fish stolen at Dubai airport.

Donald Duck says he's quitting the theatre

Citizens wondering whether people they dont know are doing their jobs right.

Fisherman asking where his bag of fish has gone.

Tom Hanks father admits he does not have a son.

and man flattened in flat by lowering ceiling.

To end the news today man realised he was mute and it was not the television

*
We got some letters from the fans this week, we sure do get a lot of these babies.

"I'm leaving this baby with you Daily Crumb. I feel you will be a better mother than i'll ever be."
- Larry

"Make sure he knows his mother loved him, and risked getting her hair wet to bring him to you."
- Marianne.

"Call her Marianne, after her mother."
- Bernard

"Sorry, my husband brought the twin we wanted here when id already bought the one we didnt want to give away. Can we have it back?"
- Marianne

"Hi again, if she asks for the babies, say i never came back. Two for free, lucky you."
- Bernard

"Sorry, i meant father, not mother. I was hitting myself all week so i thought id send another letter."
- Larry



- The Daily Crumb

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Thomas the Tank Engine as the 11th Doctor

Today in the news, didnt you watch the news?

Ok, so the title is a little miss leading.
Thomas, or, Thomas the Tank Engine did not get cast as 'The 11th Doctor in Doctor Who'
But the person who WAS cast probably watches it all the time as he is the youngest Doctor to ever play the part.
I dont think it was quite the idea the original creators of the show had but over the many years the ages have varied. A younger choice every year? I was personally hoping for an older, wiser one... but at the side of Steven Moffat i am almost certain the series will be brilliant.
He does have doctor qualities about him, but until i see the series i will not be able to critique the choice of actor.

Should they really have released it so soon?
Answer: Yes, maybe. With the way the media likes to move, it would have been discovered eventually.. plus i am sure it would have been difficult to keep a secret.
But did they REALLY need to make a whole episode leading up to an end? Half hour just to keep out one piece of information.

*Kid watching the three/four next episodes of Doctor Who*
"Wow, i wonder if he'll regenerate now.. oh.. maybe he'll regenerate in the next episode."
"Why didnt he regenerate?"

Before David Tennant has even left they're giving thew new guy his own show, all about him! (Nothing against the actor)
So, if you've been reading this and have no idea what i am talking about... here
Doctor Who, The UK tv series has gone on with different actors playing the same character, The Doctor. A bit like James Bond but there is reason behind it.. sci fi reason. When he is close to death, or the actors quits or is fired the character regenerates into a new form.
They brought the series back in, i dont know.. 2006? I have no idea. But Christopher Eccleston (Fantastic! (I'm not quoting him, i'm saying he was fantastic...)) came in as the Ninth Doctor. At the end of that series he regenerated into David Tennant who has become one of the most popular Doctors yet. So taking over that role would be difficult for everyone involved.
Anyway the 11th Doctor for the 2010 series is a young MATT SMITH who has played various roles in various things in the region of variable varians with the species Vash Ta Varada.
Anyway, i'm sure it'll all be fine blah blah blah, bring on 2009 first thankyou.
Heres a picture of the odd looking Who.

--

Thomas, we love you.
Well i was recently informed by....
Well, my sister... that Thomas the Tank Engine (Thomas and Friends) appeared to be CGI last time she saw it.
Thankfully she was HALF mistaken.
TOOT TOOT
As you do, i needed to look into this straight away.
The 2008 series of Thomas and Friends was actually filmed totally with MODELS (Like the original series)
But with CGI faces animated over the trains, as well as cgi PEOPLE moving and grooving like any other kids show.
To be honest, i love the idea of mixing the two. I have always loved mixing (Aedan, Tintut, You Can't Handle).
So its not the same, but its not the new adventures of CGI Noddy at least.

I just had a quick look at one of the episodes *Make way for Noddy* and it aint that bad.
Anyway!
I am going to give you two IN THE ENDS
1. IN THE END its best to keep childrens(/any original idea) the way they always were. Take Postman Pat, the latest series only changes have been characters and animated mouthes which aint that animated anyway. Of course i wont mention the fact hes getting a helicopter in the next series.. dont they realise kids love the VAN? Or maybe it was just me.
2. IN THE END As long as a series is pulled back for todays kids... does it matter if its different? Too different views there.

Though one things for sure, Thomas need to change their theme tune back to the original.
Anyway!
I aint finished yet. The next series of Thomas will apparently be FULL CGI and narrated by Pierce Brosnan. No, not yay.
Until then we'll see.

Well this is season 12. A mixture of models and CGI people and faces (And possibly smoke)
Someone edited this song/video together


- The Daily Crumb

Friday, January 02, 2009

2009, not such a happy year. Infact, the end of the world.

Today in the news fantastic relative gives imaginary family invisible presents on Christmas Day.

Actually a word of warning for 2009. It is written in the BIG BOOK OF PIE which actually does not have any recipes in it that demonic angels will land on our planet for 009.
In 2007 it was said a british superspy would get the licence to kill. But that happened long before 007.
So, to end such tiny wormish insect stories i want to let you know of the DEMONIC year of 2009.
I have a friend, his name is Dem, he wears a red hat and likes to eat food that nobody likes. In the end, he is a creature from hell basically. Anyone with a red hat is trying to cover horns, evil horns.
He even plays the Tuba.
He came up to me at the spark of 2009 and said, "This will be the year ay!"
I know what he meant, the year we all burn under the sun flame of Demonic angels. those poor icecream vans.

I am sorry to say i have had an interview with Dem.

Hey Dem.
Right Crumb?
Yes. How are you?
Heard you guys got a Wii!
Yes
What games do you got?
Do we have. Not, do we got. Anyway, welcome to the Daily Crumb Studios.
Yeah it is lovely here. WONDERFUL hot chocolate in the machines. Best ive ever drank, i could have a baby here.
Ok, could you tell me about 2009 Dem?
Whats there to know? It's gunna be A GREAT YEAR!
And why is that? (I am shaking at this point in time)
You cold mate?
DONT THREATEN ME WITH YOUR FIREY EYES!
Hey.. calm down. I didnt mean to hadron collider you.
DONT MENTION THE END OF THE WORLD
Sorry. Whats going on?
What are your plans for this year?

Dunno, work a little harder, dont snack so much.
And...?
And... earn lots of money?
And..
Um.. and HAVE A LAUGH! yeh haha hoohoo
THERE YOU GO! YOU ADMIT IT THEN!
What?
You admit you are planning to invite too female demonic angels to burn the earth with your flame thrower eye sockets until there is nothing but ash in which you will swim in.
I...

We ended the interview there, Dem needed to pick his kids up from school.

- The Daily Crumb