Friday, January 09, 2009

BreckFEST celebrates Kelloggsology

Today in the news BreckFEST began another months shows. If you are unaware, BreckFEST is a competition of TV script writers. Thousands send in their short episode ideas, over 20 are picked and produced into live action and animated films by Daily Crumb Films and BBC. Bringing some love into the community.
And Kelloggsology is of course the creative mind.

Also in the news man runs over sleeping policeman.
Chef becomes major artist after cutting her leg off and looking at the bloody result.
and some lines just are together randomly stuck.

Also in the news
The Adventures of ALFRED the ever so slightly old man.

"Hi old timer. How are you today?"
"Oh I'm fine. Dropped a sweet earlier, meaning to go and look for it."
"Oh, nice, i'm going to go and make some toast."
"Well, its just... nothing."
"No, what is it Grandpa?"
"Nothing, hey, you know i dropped a sweet earlier."
"Ya! haha. Funny days ay Grandpa."
"Yes I was meaning to go and look for it!"
"Haha! Well toast time i think, do you want anything Grandpa?"
"What is it?"
"Nothing! Go make your toast!"
"You're grumpy Grandpa, do you want a hug?"
"No! I want my sweet!"
"OOOHHH, why didnt you just say so... oh dear Grandpa, its got all dog hair on it."
"Well buy me some more."
"Sorry Grandpa?"
"I said I've just seen a boar."
"Haha, all your stories Grandpa, you could write a book one day."
"Can you even read?"
"Silly questions Grandpa haha, i love you!"
"You are a moron, A MORON!"
"Hot chocolate tonight pa? Warm up to Coronation street ay?"
"I dont even like Coronation Street you P*Ang!"
"Grandfather! The language please!"
"How old are you , 3? No! You're 20 and you're the only one here! I CAN SAY WHAT I LIKE!"
"Oh, dont raise your voice Grandpa, you'll dribble on your suit. You dont want to mess it up before my wedding do you."
"I'm not a paper! I mean, a baby! I'm not a baby! Damn typos. Oh dear.. bit of dribble there.. why are you marrying her? Shes so ugly."
"I'll pretend i didnt hear that pa."
"Yeah, im just jealous, better looking than your Grandmother."
"You've gone and dribbled on your new suit."
"So what?"
"People will stare."
"Let them stare, i still have my limp."
"I suppose they'll be staring anyway. Straighten that tie Grandpa."
"You do it."
"I'm too busy with my tie pa, do it yourself. We have to leave soon."
"My arms arent moving."
"Pa? Are you feeling ok?"
"Oh dear, you're right.. here, i'll do the tie for you."
"Could you pass me the cigarettes, perfect grandson?"
"Of course pa."
"Hey! You just used your arm to grab the cigarettes! The cheek!"
"HAHAHAHAhahahHAHS*cough*HAHAHA*choke*hahaAH*cough*Haghrruuh ghuagry."



"Oh PA! You frightened the living daylights out of me!"
"I want more sweets."


"Oh my God Alfred, i... what happened?"
"What do you mean what happened Margaret?
"You're in a wheelchair!"
"Oh this! Nothing, i was being forced to walk to the wedding so i decided to take a wheelchair from next doors garden."
"You.. what??"
"I said, i was being FORCED to WALK to the WEDDING with my FEET. So i stole a wheelchair from a leggless man."
"Yes yes.. i heard you... um.. so... what do you think of the coffee?"
"I dont drink coffee."
"But you are drinking it now."
"Oh.. well then it is terrible."
"Lovely day for it."
"What? For having a horrible taste in your mouth?"
"No Alfred! for the wedding!"
"Oooh... Well for once you're right Margaret. It is a rather delightful day. Why are you dressed in green margaret?"
"Oh, you like it? I got it for a nice price at.."
"No, i just thought it was all black at weddings."
"Oh.. what was your wedding like Alfred?"
"I cant really remember it. I know someone didnt turn up though."
"Cant have been anyone important if you cant remember it ay?"
"Nah course not! Actually it was me. Do you want this tea?"
"It's coffee."
"No, beer please."
"Right.. i'll be back in a mo."
"Goodbye Margaret."

"I'm back."
"I brought you your beer."
"Oh, thanks."
"Dont they look lovely together?"
"She'd be better off with me."
"Excuse me?"
"I said id rather live under the sea."
"Oh ok."
"Tell you what, this wine is terrible."
"It's beer Alfred."
"I asked for Wine."
"You said beer."
"I meant wine."
"Sorry Margaret."
"What What?"
"I mean.. its ok... "
"Hold on a minute, why did you get all shocked then?"
"Well... you're never normally so kind."
"Oh.. must be the whole wedding mood. It is sort of jolly. Peanuts!"
"Someones handing them out over there."
"Oh lovely."
"So what happened to your husband Margaret?"
"I already told you, he lost his legs under a train."
"No i mean, why didnt he turn up today?"
"Someone stole his wheelchair this morning."
"Oooh Dear. Friggen kids these days dont care who they're joking around with."
"That wheelchair comfy?"
"Yes yes!"
"Would you mind, after the wedding.. if i could take it home for Larry."
"Yes! We can put him in it and roll him off a cliff! Then we can get married ay Margaret? It's that sort of jolly!...
Margaret? Oh why are you crying?
Oh it is that coffee isnt it, those darn... you know i paid for all of this! Excuse me!! EXCUSE ME!"
"Yes sir?"
"I paid for all of this."
"I heard."
"I expect better coffee."
"I am sorry sir, we will try harder."
"So that your grandson out there is it?"
"Yep! Finally a real man. We're going to the ballet after to celebrate!"
"I see, well goodbye old man."
"The cheek! I'm only 80!"


"How could you Grandpa?"
"Turn the heater on would you pal."
"You completely ruined my wedding!"
"You got married didnt you?"
"No! That was what ruined it!"
"Oh dont be a fat git!"
"I said dont be a fat git!"
"Yes i get it Grandfather!"
"How could you..."
"Stop mumbling, whats on the box?"
"The friggen TV grandad! It's A TV!"
"Alright alright! Never seen you this stressed in my long short life!"
"Why do you think i'm mad Grandfather?"
"As an old person i start to gain memory loss."
"SOME BODY ruined my wedding!"
"Oh dear! WHO?"
"SOME ONE by the name of AL..."
"No.. Alf....."
"Not Alf, i didnt know he turned up, the cheek!"
"No Grandpa, A certain Grandfather."
"Dont blame Larry! He has no legs!"
"If anyone is to blame, it is you father!"
"Actually it was Margaret, she gave me all those beers."
"You ruined my wedding BEFORE you were drunk Grandpa."
"Really? What happened then?"
"You remember."
"You mean apart from running up between you and your future wife shouting, "She deserves better!"
"You shouted it in slow motion, tipped a candle over and caused a fire in the building."
"Should get plastic candles, you know.. with the little lightbulbs in them, that'd be perfect. Why are they.."
"You heard me Grandpa, the street for you. I've been taking care of you for years on end, dont think i havent heard what you call me."
"You pelicans fart flaps."
"What did you say?"
"Shooshell again Cart Snaps."
"I thought i said get out."
"I thought i said get out."
"You *********."
"Oh thankyou thankyou! I expected about 3 or 4 stars but 9! I could be up for an oscar!"
"Get the hell out that door and never come back."
"Get the phone would you."
"Ok. But when i get back you HAVE to be gone!"

(In other room)
"OH NO! I'm so very sorry margaret. That is very unfortunate, my thoughts go out to you. How did it happen?.... someone put him in a wheel chair and pushed him off a cliff?

Oh dear me."

"Hello Margaret! Oh darling, dont be so sad, im sure you'll get over it in a minute. Can i sit here?"
"Yes.. i suppose."
"Oh lovely, could you put the kettle on?"
"You like tea?"
"I dont."
"Why do you want the kettle on?"
"Oh is that what they are for? Well, suppose dont turn it on then.
Now, whats on the box?
Ooo Coronation Street!"

- The Daily Crumb

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