Friday, January 09, 2009

Poor Margaret

Today in the news a car was juiced as it looked like an orange.
Also in the news

A dramatic comedy thingy
Read part 1 in the post before this

"Oh i do love Jaffa Cakes Margaret."
"Do you?"
"Mm yes! My favourite, are there any more Margaret?"
"I'm sorry Alfred, i have not got any more."
"Aw Shambles. Well are you going to the shop soon?"
"I was not planning to."
"I suppose i can."
"Good Good! Get something nice for dinner as well!"
"What like?"
"I dont know! you're the one making it. Cant expect me to work my noggin over time."
"Okay Alfred. Have you seen my shoes?"
"Oh here they are
They're full of poo."
"Ooh dear. You see this bloke on tv, he never ages!! It's amazing, i saw him in the original series and he looked the same!"
"I'll have to wash them now."
"Dont worry Margaret, you can go bear foot. I dont think people will stare."
"Well why.. I mean.. i guess.. no i think i have some spares in the other room."
"Yes Alfred?"
"Can i get rid of this picture of Legless Larry over here? Its distracting me from the television.

Are you crying in the kitchen?"
"No... im fine.
"Ok, just dont want any tears on my pie lunch for tommorow. A taste like sour rain."
"I'm going to the shop now."


"Hello Margaret! How are you doing?"
"I'm fine Samuel... How are you coping after the wedding?"
"Yeah im ok, im just worried about my Grandfather, i kicked him out, have not seen him in 3 weeks."
"Oh dear."
"Yep, one baked beans left. Do you want it?"
"Oh, no i wont, Alfred dont like baked beans."
"Your Grandfather."
"What?.. well.. is he staying with you??"
"Oh, yes yes he is. Did you not know?"
"No i did not. You really should not have done that Margaret, he does not deserve the kindness you give."
"Oh thats kind Samuel. I do miss Larry so much. "
"Guess i'll take the baked beans then."
"So how is he?"
"He's ok, just at home watching television. Actually, i think he asked me to buy some jaffa cakes.. so i'll do that."
"You're a little bit slow arent you Margaret?"
"Sorry darling, my hearings going."
"I said i have a doll that sings and glows Margaret. "
"Oh ok. Thats lovely sweetheart. I must be getting back to your Grandfather. He'll be wondering where his Jaffa Cakes are by now."
"You know Margaret, Larry was a much friendlier person than Alfred. If you were smart you'd stick up for yourself and KICK THAT MAN OUT!"


"Thanks for the Jaffa Cakes Margaret."
"That is ok Alfred."
"What are you doing?"
"It may look like a two seater Margaret but there is only enough room for me."
"Theres a nice seat just over there for you."
"Yes of course."
"Yes lovely, Alfred."
"Lovely, wheres that hot chocolate you promised me?"
"I dont remember...


"Oh hello Samuel! How are you doing?"
"I've come to relieve you of Alfred!"
"Oh you're so kind. Would you like a cup of tea?"
"Yes please Margaret."
"He's in the living room."
"Thankyou Margaret."

"Alright grandson?"
"Yes Grandpa."
"That Margaret's been taking care of me like a right tomato."
"I'm sure she has. Do you want to come home with me Grandfather?"
"No i'm fine boy. I'll just lay here.."
"You mean sit."
"Yeah Samuel's a good lad."
"Are you ok Alfred?"
"You're a bit green."
"2 Sugars??"
"Yes please."
"Does your grandad want one?"
"No, he dont drink tea. God, her memories as bad as yours."
"Right you are son."
"Are you sure you're ok Grandpa?"
"Absolutely, here, could you turn the television off, its loud and burning my ears if you know?"
"Grandad... it is off."
"Good lad. You're the best grandson i could ever had."
"Thanks Grandpa."
"Here, what ever happened to your father?"
"He died Grandpa... he was killed when he was swimming and an aeroplane crash landed onto the water above him."
"Oh no..."
"Grandpa.. you're crying.. heh.. you never cried when you first heard. You just said he deserved it for having a glowing red nose to call the plane towards him when he had a cold."
"I dont remember."
"Oh.. Grandfather, do you remember bringing me up?"
"I remember you when you were about 8. We went to the park."
"I remember that as well, i fell and hit my knee."
"So did i."
"Oh no, it was just you wasnt it."
"I cant... i cant remember."
"Grandpa you need a sleep. Margaret! How much sleep did he get last night?"
"I'm not sure, the television was on all night but when i came for breakfast he was fast asleep on the sofa. I think that sofa has been food for small creatures these last few days. He only eats by the TV."
"Yes i know... Grandfather, we'll go back to my house and you can have a nice nap, i'll order some pizza. You love pizza."
"I loved the times we had.. Thankyou Margaret. You made a nice... sort of.. i cant remember, some sort of soup. but i can still taste it."
"Oh.. thankyou Mr. Alfred."
"Come on! Stand up!"
"Ok..... oh.. i dont think i can."
"He's just being a lazy sod again, go on, stand up Grandfather."
"I really cant Samuel my boy."
"Stop it Grandpa, you're being a real nit again."
"Sorry. I cant move my legs. I cant feel them at all."
"I'm sorry Margaret."
"What for Alfred?"
"For pushing Larry off the side of a cliff in his wheelchair."
"You what?"
"I said for dusting Barry's Rav 4 at the Village Fair."
"I'm sorry Alfred, i dont know Barry."
"Thats ok then."
"You're going white grandfather."
"Mh. Ghost colour.. suppose i'm getting closer."
"Dont speak like that."
"I can do irish if you want."
"Heh.. you were always a bit funny grandpa."
"Thankyou.... "

Grandfather?... oh no....
his heart.... it has stopped. Wha. .but.. i .. ther............."
"Teas up! Just come and collect it on the dining table Samuel. Oh, why are you crying Samuel?"
"He's dead.... he's dead Margaret."
"Yes i know that Samuel but why are you crying?"

- The Daily Crumb

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