Monday, June 30, 2008

Steam and Sponge

A long winding train station. Only dust in the wind. A ghost station.

French Mr. Hands had arrived at midnight last night asking for somewhere to stay. I thought that was great, an old friend.
Then he told me his story, "You left me on The Iceing Boss' space ship. It is a cosy ship, i must admit. Everything was just fine, the big bacon creature was easy to look after. But soon he realised i was using slices of bacon from his skin for my nights dinner.
Well, the only human food the ship had was baked beans. I got bored of them in two days like you do so found myself desperate.
The bacon was not very fresh but im sure i wont die. The reason The Iceing Boss was so angry was because id taken so many bits of bacon from him he'd become tiny.
He was a midget piece of pig slices.
Well i just threw him down the toilet and flushed it, i was the more powerful being now and he was just bits of meat."
"Then what is the problem?" I asked.
"Well i directed the ship towards this building, towards Penny Lane to show you my ship. But then a black hole appeared and i was sucked back to Earth. Now i'm here to tell you the ship is flying towards this very spot with no pilot.
We need to get as far from here as we possibly can."

A long winding train station. Only dust in the wind. A ghost station.
French Mr. Hands and I were sat on a red metal bench waiting for the train to appear. It soon did slowly moving along the track.
It stopped finally and a door swung open on one of the long cabins. "I'm Professor Steam! Welcome to my train."

We were sat inside a cabin, we were given plates of something that looked like Henua Glex Sponge.
Steam was standing in front of the seats clicking his fingers. He then spun on one foot and began to dance.
"This is very entertaining," said French Mr. Hands.
"Dont you think it odd we are the only people on the train?" I asked him.
"No, i dont. Now enjoy the dance."

The train was moving at last, the smoke flying past the window, the train station moving away. Steam had left to be the driver apparently.
"I have never had such delicious Henua Glex Sponge Nathan."
"Thats lovely French."
I was bored and got up from my seat, steadily walking along the cabin. Just as i came to the door Steam opened it with a frown. "Sorry, no going past here. It is forbidden. If you do..." He pulled out a shotgun. "This is what happens."
"Why, what is in there?" i asked.
"The iceing on the cake."
"Whos birthday is it?"
"Your friend, French Mr. Hands."
When Mr. Hands heard his name he jumped up and ran to where they were, "I forgot it was my birthday! Thankyou Nathan for remembering!"
He hugged me, "But i didnt... Professor Steam knew already."
"Oh... how?"
Professor Steam was gone.
I turned to French Mr. Hands, "He said this room was forbidden."
"More reason to go inside." He smiled and pushed open the door.
There in front of him was a giant tank, full of bubbling liquid. Also, inside was the floating body of The Iceing Boss, a bundle of squashed together bacon slices.
"Oh my god." French Mr. Hands said.

"I told you not to enter," Steam appeared behind us with his shotgun to French Mr. Hands' back. "The Iceing Boss told me it was your birthday, French. The perfect day for you too be murdered."
He loaded the gun.
"Hold on."
A gloomy voice came from the tank. "Let me do it."
"You're too weak Boss." Steam replied.
"Drop him in the tank."
"DO IT!"
"Yes master!"
Steam pushed the gun further into French's back. "In the tank, now!" French put his hands up and walked slowly towards the tank.

Suddenly there was a huge rumble, the earth shook. I glared out of the window to watch a giant explosion ripping open the sky in the distance.
The ship had crashed, he could see the trees collapsing like a mexican wave and getting closer to where he stood.
A louder shake of earth and the cabin flipped onto its side falling off of the track. I imagined the whole train toppling over as i flew into a table splashing the Henua Glex into the air. The side windows smashed as they hit the grass ground.

When it all quietened down i pulled myself up, arm bleeding. I took some small pieces of glass out of my skin and then made my way towards the side ways doorway.
Inside was a steamy mist but i could clearly see what had happened. The giant tank had slid sideways and hit French Mr. Hands on its way down.
Once pushing him down the floor it crashed into the wall exploding into glass, 80% of the glass into French Mr. Hands.
The soggy dribbling, bacon body of The Iceing Boss was laying on the wooden side breathing heavy.
Professor Steam got up, ear bleeding and moved fast to hold The Iceing Boss. "It's going to be fine Iceing, its going to...."
The Iceing Boss's pig-splat body exploded in seconds firing rotten bacon bits across the cabin walls.
Grease drooped from Steams face along with some tears.
RIP my old friend and second father, French Mr. Hands.

So the eruption of earth was the ship falling and crashing on top of Penny Lane. In the end French had saved me from dieing, but died in the process.

I'm going on another holiday now. And im going to be a long time.
I'm taking a trip to Perth Australia.
Hopefully no one around me will be haunted with death. It must be a fact now, anyone who is involved with The Daily Crumb, will die.
Sennheiser will be greatly missed, as well as Vector (Before he was a Gwerm) and the great French Mr. Hands.

- The Daily Crumb

1 comment:

  1. The fact that you still talk about me in your blog posts both flatters and worries me.