Friday, June 06, 2008

The Elephant and the Theme Park

Today in the news

"Can we really leave it at that?
Shut up Sennheiser! You dont have permission to speak after running off to Disneyland like you did!
"It wasnt my fault, this loss of blood is making me lose my memory. I really need a leg"
Isnt your fault.. whos the one that climbed down the falling apart mine in the first place?
"Me... but you said it would be fun, like a rollercoaster"
Rollercoasters have faults, how do you think i lost my ear?
"You have an ear."
Well they gave it back didnt they, these theme parks are busy places but their lost and found is very strong. Oh that was an incident with a waterslide.
"Who found your ear?"
Well that is an interesting story actually, you see all they said was that a man dressed as an elephant came. He said that he treasured ears and couldnt think of someone without one.
You know Sennheiser this world is full of such weird and wonderful things. You for example, you have a terrible name, a terrible past and now a terrible future. I havent had the greatest time working for a company that exports lies across the world but what ya gunna do.
"What would you rather my name?"
Dunno, Vector... that could work. Going to have to get a bigger brain for you though if you're going to take his place.
"I dont want to take anyones place. My father always said, the only place i should fill is a tiny dark cell."
I just remembered something Sennheiser. That dark creature Goobus was frightened of elephants. Maybe it was a real elephant, protecting the theme park from the dreadful Goobus.
"What can you remember?"
.... that the dark creature Goobus was frightened of elephants..
"I mean, about the day. Anything suspicious?"
Well.. now that you mention it. I did keep getting stuck in the water slide.
"No thats because you're fat"
You're fired.
You're lucky i am not one of those people that take that sort of comment seriously.
"So i am not fired?"
No, you're still fired. On your bike, use the walky talky if you die of starvation.
"Ok sir, sorry sir."

So next thing i knew old Sennheiser was contacting me with the walky talky from a bus stop.
"I am at a bus stop boss."
Good good, make your way to somewhere and dont bother me again.
I then threw the walky talky away.

So it is raining, late into the night. Once again back to my old lonely self sitting inside my office. What to do what to do, might do that thing i did ages ago. Related words. I will begin.
dead man at desk
hold on... i thought i heard something outside. one second.

OH MY GOLDEN SYRUP ITS GOOBUS, HE HAS SMASHED OPEN MY FRONT DOOR. He is standing there, dark cloak moving closer towards me only glaring. No blinks, no emotions apart from a really big smile... and... oh no.
"Hello mr Nathan. Finally i can watch you burn." He held up a match, flame on the end.
Why dont you just SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!
Worth a shot i guess. Look, what do you want from me exactly? What have i ever done to you?
"Dont you remember that day at the theme park?"
Remind me.
"So there i was, blocked about three hundred children in a swimming pool with an electric fort. Then big fat you fly out of the waterslide behind me, hit me down into the water and then land on me almost drowning me! the whole plan was ruined."
Behind my back id changed the desktop of the computer to a picture of a pink elephant. LOOK GOOBUS, LOOK!
"Nice try, its only a picture. We're in the middle of nowhere Nathan, there isnt going to be an elephant around here. "
"STOP!" Suddenly a figure appeared in the doorway. It was an elephant, standing, hands on hips. Goobus turned, his face began to turn red. Inside he screamed but outside he just shook, his insides moved upwards.
He then disapeared into a black cloud of smoke and was gone. I was breathing loudly then.
"Who was that boss?" said the elephant.
..... Sennheiser?...
"What? but i am right here."
You are the elephant?
"Why yes! You see i was talking to this nice scary man at the bus stop called Goobus. He said he wanted to kill someone but has not had the chance, he told me it was all because of something that happened at a theme park. Then i remembered!
I went to that very same theme park dressed as an elephant. I then remembered finding that ear you were talking about floating in the pool after this fat kid fell and hit the side of the wall. Well anyway i went back to the theme park, went to the lost and found, told them i was the elephant that came many years ago
and would you believe it...

You just saved me from Goobus, the only ghoul allergic to elephants.
"That was Goobus? You should have asked him if he got to Nathans house"
You gave him my address?
"W.... well he said he was an old friend..."
So in the end you didnt really save me you just brought him here then got rid of him. But then again you did save my ear.
"No that was a fat kids ear." He had the nerve to smile.
You're fired.
You're lucky i am not one of those people that take that sort of comment seriously.
"So i am not fired?"
No, you're still fired. On your bike, use the walky talky if you die of starvation.
"Ok sir, sorry sir."

- The Daily Crumb

1 comment:

  1. You're fired! hahahaha!

    Random but really fun clever use of comedy repeat!