TODAY IN THE NEWS Do you go to the country? It isnt very far. There are people there who will hurt you, because of who you are.
"You dont drink coffee whilst watching a TV?"
No i dont Karn, now can we get this saving the world over and done with?
"Yes certainly, but it said in the history books that you like coffee."
I think you're getting confused with Vanilla Coke.
Or just coca-cola.
"Never heard of it."
What? You're never heard of just coca-cola?
"Nope, Vanilla Coke rules the world in the future. With Ribeana at its side."
Woow... quick! get this thing started!
Hello readers! I have brought my laptop along, i'm sitting now in a futuristic flying car! It sucks, not even a cd player.
"CD player? I'm sorry to be a little old fashioned but what is that?"
Mate, it is impossible for you too be 'a little old fashioned.' CD's can have games and music on them, swapped with dvd's in your time? Technology disapears very fast. It was only a year ago floppy discs were used all the time, over a night they went missing and everyone forgot about them.
"Wow! That is so odd, Floppy Discs come back! Their awesome look got old apple thinking, they've brought them back as "IF Discs." It is very exciting really! In a weeks time they are releasing a iIF Disc. "
Right, microsoft still around?
"..... dont mention that name. Hold on..."
And he started the engine. I heard a bubbling sound and the space car shot off with me buckled down inside.
"Too be continued," Karn said.
oi! It's too early Karn.
"But Crumb..... you have NO readers. This is the 8th of june 2008, there are NO readers, your only three left after reading yesterdays story."
But..... my stats, they say i have 30 a day.
"In a months time statcounter.com will release the information, that they were all ghost viewers. Added there to make you feel good about yourself. i am so sorry."
It's not.............. it cant be true.
"Well it is. Here we are my friend, THE FUTURE!"
And the car landed safely in a giant city, flying cars. You know, go watch doctor Who or back to the future for reference.
The only difference is...
under these high buildings sat billions apon billions of icecream vans. it was STUFFED.
What has... happened?
"I told you, once you died the whole world went down hill, journalists all started seeing dead lost ones. they couldnt live on without your writings.
I thought you said i only had three readers.
"Well you do but... after... hold on. I still remember all of this. i shouldnt remember all of this, once i save you from dieing the writing should have stopped. Are you writing now?"
Yep i am, readers. I dont see what the problem is, if you know whats going to happen then that means you've saved me right? I've lived another day.
"Well yes that is all well and good... but why is the world still icecream vans?"
Maybe it was nothing to do with me stopping writing after all.
"You're right! IT WAS BILL GATES! i must return to your time and stop him from going underground to build that brain washing machine right away!"
What about me?
"I'll drop you off on the way, its ok for you to die now. It's that good, you said you wanted to die."
NO I DONT!
So he threw me into the time car and shot me back to this very date.
He left, Sennheiser dead on the floor and just then i heard a bang outside. Most likely the Vector Gang.
Oh, here we go. Doors broken down again, how many times have i had to fix that door huh? Ruddy door.
Vector? Is that you?
aiming a gun at my forehead?
"Yes Nathan. It is."
Too be continued
"Why continue? We all know the ending. You're going to die, shot in the head .. and WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WRITING EVERYTHING I SAY DOWN?"
For... the history books.
"You killed me."
You dropped a box on yourself.
"On your property, that makes it YOUR fault!"
Suddenly Vector started to slowly walk out of the room. Then i noitced in the corner the last glimpse of the broken clock coming back together and slotting back into Sennheisers stomach. By now the Vector gang had walked backwards over the hill and far away.
And Karn was standing at the door.
"I said id bring your friend back to life didnt i. Next time you see a clock going a little bit faster than usuel ill arrive. Now ill fast forward to before i arrived shall i?"
Actually no.... I have a better idea. i said.
Cover up that clock in your stomach would you Sennheiser, people might think you're a clock.
So we have booby trapped the front door with left over rockets, vectors gang are going to be fired to the moon when they arrive.
"Stop Bill Gates! I will kill you before you turn everyone into icecream people with that machine!"
"Ok, but could you wait a bit, it seems to have frozen."
- The Daily Crumb