Monday, June 30, 2008

Ink, Gwerms and Torvec

Ink, Gwerms and Torvec

Some people have heard of the dark Gwerms in the woods.
Today in the news something rare and extraordinary occured.
Halt called up in the middle of the night asking for Sennheiser. (Halt, being Sennheisers ex wife, who he met down a mine shaft.)
She told him she had won some tickets to a camping trip with a group called Torvec C.S. She wondered if we'd like to go along.
We went down there in the afternoon, at the exact time she said to meet her there. But she made no appearence.
Soon enough the Torvec group appeared and surrounded Sennheiser and I.
"Good morning! You must be the prize winners!" The tallest man, smart green scout uniform and huge backpack.
I responded, "Well actually, we were meant to meet my friend heres ex wife. Halt?"
"Oh..." The man fell silent. "I am sorry, but Mistress Halt passed away last night."
I could sense depression from Sennheiser.
The main scout began setting up a tent, he pointed to the others to begin setting up theirs. I looked towards the campfire, just still white sticks.
"May i ask how she died?," asked Sennheiser.
The man looked up, "She was swallowed by a Gwerm." I was shocked at the mans response.
"Are you saying there are Gwerms HERE?"
Sennheiser looked at me, "What are Gwerms?"
"Glowing, worms that bleed from the eyes. Apparently they slurp the skin until it rips away. Like a vacuum cleaner." I told him stories of my childhood.
"Vacuum cleaners can do that?"
"...then they keep sucking until it is your bones and then there is nothing left."
"They did that to Halt?"
I nodded at Sennheiser and then began to set up my tent.
Whilst setting up Sennheiser paused, "They must have came for her straight after she called me."
"Yes Sennheiser... she must have."

Later on we all ended up sitting around the camp fire.
The head scout spoke, "So how are you likeing the place so far?"
"Listen, i heard Halt phoned you last night." He burst in while i was speaking. Sennheiser spoke now. "Well yes she did."
"... did she mention us? Our name?"
"Yes, Torvec."
There was silence apart from the crackling of the fire.

They passed us some pots of black ink. "What are these?" I asked.
A smaller scout responded, "Hiking Inks, created to sooth you. Helps you sleep calmly. Good for camping, newcomers are always scared of the sounds. The sounds of the night."
Sennheiser laughed, "I can believe that." He then sipped his Hiking Ink.

I remember exactly what happened next. It was 7:00 and i was having trouble falling asleep. The Hiking Ink i was given i accidently spilt, so replaced it with coke so I didn't seem rude.
Then i heard the rustle in the night, through the tent texture i could see the bright light of fire getting closer.
I ran out wondering what it was.
The Torvec gang were standing in half a circle around our tents with flaming planks of wood in their hands.
"GUH! The Hiking Ink did not work on him??"
I answered trying to keep my polite status. "No, it was just.... these things dont work so well on me."
"I suppose he has worked us out then."
"Worked.... you out?" i was confused.
"Torvec............. what is that backwards Nathan?"
"Erh... Cev Rot?"
There was some mumbling, "Why didnt we call ourselves that??"
"NO!" The head scout shocked me. "Torvec is an anagram of your GREATEST ENEMY!"
"Sennheiser?... Goobus?"
"NO! VECTOR!!!!"
"No.... Vector was my best friend. He died, and then returned because he got crushed by a box. Oh my god.... i know who you are."
"You are The Vector Gang."
"I thought he would put a comedy line in there. But we were lucky."
"You are out to kill me... because when Vector died, he was on my property."
"Not just us. You see, some time ago Vector was eaten."
"By what?"
"A Gwerm. A giant, fat Gwerm swallowed our great and brainy master. Instead of crushing Vectors body into pieces Vectors brain took over the Gwerms insides. He BECAME the Gwerm."
There was a rustle in the bushes.
I was literally scared and ran to wake up Sennheiser. I shook him but he would not answer.
"He's dead isnt he." I said in a saddened voice.
"No... we were about to collect him... the Hiking Ink made him dizzy and weak and now we are going to feed him to the Gwerms."
"NO!!!!! My friendship bell is broken, i will never gain another pal." Heroic and depressed scream of mine.
"That dosent matter, you're going to be crushed as well."

The Gwerm emerged from the trees.
One stood out the most, it had a huge head glowing as it slid towards the Vector Gang. "It is him, we finally meet again." It was the Vector Gwerm.
I shouted, "Listen Vector, it was your fault i asked you to carry a box that was too heavy for you so you got crushed. You lived didnt you?"
"Yes. But, i still hate you."
"Then this story is worth nothing."
"I dont care." Vector Gwerms voice was deap and echoey. Dribble dropped from his long mouth. He continued, "Halt was working for us, we found a connection to you Nathan and went for it. She was oh so happy to help us but then we killed her because she didnt put her clothes in the washing backet."

The Vector Gang were dragging Sennheisers body along the ground towards one of the giant Gwerms. I felt a tear fall down my cheek as they threw Sennheisers body in with the teeth.
As Sennheiser slept the Gwerm sucked his flesh away, then his bones and insides. There were crumbs left, but nothing glass caseable. Or even pictureframeable.
This was the day Sennheiser died.

At the corner of my eye i saw a huge jar of Hiking Ink, i ran to grab it. Picked it up and threw it towards the Vector Gwerm. "I'm sorry old friend."
The liquid of the Ink splashed over the Vector Gwerms skin.
And his flesh bubbled, it became so slimey it drifted onto the other Gwerms and caused them to start bubbling.
In seconds every Gwerm exploded into thousands of slimey pieces, bones, blood and human body parts.
The Vector Gang knew their plan had failed and sprinted off into the distance. But one stayed behind, the head was holding a piece of drooping Gwerm. "I'll find a way for you to return. I promise. If it is the last thing i do."

So now i am at home and regretting writing my day in real story format because of the length. But that was my day, RIP Sennheiser, once again.
This time he wont be coming back. It is a very sad loss i know, but that is life, and life is crumbs.

I just got a phone call, it's French Mr. Hands! He's returning to Earth!

The end
- The Daily Crumb

Broadcast broken, Broadcast day before Broadcast

No comments:

Post a Comment