Sennheiser's stomach is ticking away in the corner. Now i can look at my watch, which is exciting for me. It has been four days without a walming tick on my wrist.
After my clock was used to replace Sennheiser's insides the only choice was to rip it out which would kill him or just go and buy a watch or new clock that was less bloody. So i decided on the one that wouldnt give me mental brain damage till i die of suicide poisoning.
6 AM Wednesday Morning 25th June 1998
That was todays date, in 1998. The day it first struck me.
I was eight and playing in the garden. And like all eight year olds, i dug.
A hole in my friends foot. A circular well of flesh through the middle of his foot, it was not the nicest of sights but i got over it fast digging even further downwards.
My friend was named "Tech" but we just called him "Tec" to annoy him. (Which included me and my other imaginary friend Lard. Lard was a friendly soal that always seemed to follow the modern fashions. When the latest hi fi system and 400 gb usb stick came out, he'd have it! He was the first person to ever have an ipod.
I heard in later years he tried to sue Apple. But no one could work out who created the ipod first. No one knew.
I dug and dug. My feet fell through the soil and i collapsed into a pitch black tunnel (Apart from the very sunny sunlight seeping through the big hole above me.)
It was amazing for an eight year old, a tunnel! A real secret agents tunnel.
I realized suddenly that Lard was down here as well eating the tails of rats. I waved him a solo bell but he just glanced with tiny eyes and continued sipping the blood from the flesh mug he'd created out of the rat.
My bell crashed and tumbled as i had lost a friend to the evil rats below.
All around me i could feel the seeping eyes closing in on me.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I shouted, i screamed. Why were the rats coming for me? Then i realized suddenly, these things were not rats, but Blubbet Babies.
The Blubbet Babies of the south sea and rare claustrophobic tunnels. They gather in packs to kill the enemy, children.
They looked rather like rats, but i knew different.
In seconds i stomped my big eight year old shoes at their big eight year old head crushing one instantly.
Then one landed on my shoulder, and another my head. I screamed but i could not escape. Suddenly too hands grabbed onto me and pulled me out of the dark place.
I was suddenly free and breathing what felt like air again.
I hammered a shot gun from the sky into one of the Blubbets faces but did not fire. The puppy eyes glimmered at me. What a cute little Blubbet.
"It's a rat son, stand back."
The man above me pushed me aside violently and kicked the rat over the security fence. I could no longer see it. "But.. it was different. I felt a connection."
The man couldnt watch my tears and just stoked my head. "Dinners ready son. Dinners ready."
"Yes mum." I said noticing it was my mother standing over me and not a man of honour.
So now, on the exact same date when i walked into the Village Clock Shop i remembered that dreadful time in battle, when i was eight.
You ask what reminded me of this time? A small probably eight year old boy was standing in the clock shop with his mother. I walked to the counter and asked for a watch.
The man mentioned money, i said it was fine. He sighed and grasped the watch i desired. Beside me i shot a glace at the kid. "Have you met the Blubbets? HAVE YOU?"
The mother stared over.
The boy turned. "I did mister. It was only yesterday that i was in my garden when one exploded out of the soil and said "Hello""
I was surprised. "They.. have learnt speech? I do suppose it has been a few years... What did they say?"
"Lead us to Nathan, he is loved by the Blubbets."
"I............ i am Nathan. Take me to your garden!"
The mother pulled the boy out of the shop. "Come on Nathan, me must leave now."
I called out after the boy. "Your name is Nathan? They thought you were Nathan???"
There was a flash of light and outside of the shop the boy turned into a rat-like creature. Suddenly his mum shrieked and kicked him over the security fence.
I stood depressed for days. Until the shopkeeper asked me to leave which was a few hours later. I got my watch, but i will never forget what happened with the Blubbets. If you ever meet one, dont mention my name.
I was sat back in the office a little earlier and noticed on the news a boy named Lard was shot dead after a court case by a team of Apple spys.
I changed the channel and noticed old Tech (Tec) had got himself his own cooking show in America. He was a right celebrity now, and gay.
And i am sat here in a falling apart cabin in the desert writing stories of my days. With staff made of clocks who rarely move a muscle sitting in the other room.
and Today in the news
- The Daily Crumb