Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Memory Loss

Today in the news some regular, shot a mine goat into the sky with some fireworks.
But back to the subject:
Sennheiser is back with me now, sitting in the office counting his cuts and trying to glue his leg back on. I gave him some pretty useless glue just to pay him back. He really has got some nerve you know, getting stuck in a mine and then cheating on his wife.
Oh i forgot to mention, Halt got completely crushed by the ceiling just as Sennheiser escaped. May she rest in peace.
Who can get 'completely crushed'? I dont know, only that Halt.
So everything is pretty quiet at the moment. You may be wondering why there hasnt been much news from the outside world lately.
This is due to the fact we are in the middle of no where, Sammy the dead monkeys mobile dont work. Us as humans, are completely out of range.
"Sir..look. This glue you gave me isnt working."
Right, ok sorry. I have accidently given you mayonaise. One moment readers.

Would you look at that. He sure has got a nerve wasting all my mayonaise, what am i going to have on my dead bug dish tonight?
"I am so sorry sir, i did not realise."
You should be more careful next time. God. Look the readers dont want to 'read' about you grinding your leg back into place they want to know about the news. Have you had any luck with the mobile?
"Sorry sir, i may have dropped the mobile when you sent me on that journey to the shed. You know, to lock the door before the wolves went at it. "
Ok. Right. Well lets go outside and you retrace your steps.
"Sir... i cannot exactly walk..."
Oh, a lazy corn mantis is all you are! I'll go then. Keep in touch with the walky talky ok?
"Yes sir."

So i made my way outside, it was actually quite dark... and scary. Along the way was my shed. Small metal box, rather like a normal shed. you know, the kind that you see in peoples backyards.
Thats when i saw it, the door was unlocked. I was sure i told Sennheiser and he told me that he'd locked it. To keep the wolves out.
Then i heard the pounding fast steps of the wolves getting closer.
I ran back inside as fast as i could.
Sennheiser was now slicing a ruler through his knee. "Sorry sir, i just realised i couldnt have done that, i am missing a leg. I remember i went to Disney land instead"
Then where is the mobile??
The front door was banging, louder and louder i could hear the wolves trying to break in. Suddenly a nose broke through, teeth sparkling with blood.
And i shouted in my heroic voice. ISNT IT ABOUT TIME YOU WENT BACK TO YOUR MOTHER?
The wolves paused and backed off. Then suddenly i heard the ringtone of the mobile, it sounded like it was behind a wall somewhere.
One of the wolves started choking and spat out a liquid covered mobile phone. I smiled and picked it up. Then i gave it to Sennheiser to wipe the goo off. Where did you find this mr wolf?
"I picked it up when we were at Disney Land. Now would you give my heart back?"
It's... not a heart. It's just a mobile phone Mr. Wolf.
"No, the doctor said it replaced my heart, pushed it to the side as it were. Now you need to return it before i die."
If it was your heart wouldnt you have died alrea... oh he's dead..... oh and now the rest of the wolves are looking rather angry.
I closed the door and locked it. OH MY GOD! THE SHED. It has all my trophys in it! Damn you Sennheiser not locking the door!
"So sorry sir."
No, sorry isnt good enough you go do it RIGHT NOW MR!
"Ok ok.."
So as Sennheiser wasnt so good at walking with his one leg and nothing to hold him up one of the wolves helped him. "Whats your name poor human?"
"Sennheiser, from a family of twenty three. And yours?"
"Names Plop. Family of.. well three now but used to be four. Where are you heading?"
"I dont know.. i have sort of forgotten with all the pain. I must be going the same way as you."
"Yeah must be! We're off on a family vacation to Disney land. Of course you're totally welcome!"
"Well if you say so!... although what will Nathan say?"
"My boss."
"Well have you got a mobile to call him?"
Sennheiser looked in his pocket.

- The Daily Crumb

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