Sunday, June 28, 2009

The news at 10

Across the world the time ticks away. But over here, in the United Kindom the clock strikes 10. Until you have finished reading this article on the all important news your time will STOP.
No clock will tick around you.
The Daily Crumb sending news to you from around the world. We have journalists in Sydney, China, Africa, Wales, Wheels, Warrington Sales, France, Japan, Ireland, Lapland. From America to Arabia, from Ireland to Scotland.
Every news reporter is waiting for that phone call.

Two days ago we called our man in America. He was not avaliable so we left a messege. He eventually called back and told us what we were all dreading.
Michael Jackson died in Los Angeles! Our reporter was in Salt Lake city enjoying some heated up donuts!
So it has taken quite a while to get down there but we just got a fax through from our reporter, Linal Jykmax who only does this part time.
"Found the hospital. Lots of people around. Nice sunny day, loving the sun out. Twitter me."
But he did find Michael Jackson roaming the place. Which i personally find hard to believe.
"Michael, what do you have to say about your sudden death?"
"Well i have a cut in my tongue. I find it really irritating when i eat. I think i ate a mars bar too quickly, it cut through. Either that or i bit it accidently. Though i do not remember doing that. I know it sounds crazy."
Lily Allen was also at the scene crying her eyes out.
"Hi, i'm from the Daily Crumb what do you have to say about the death?"
"I think you're really mean. I think you're really mean."
A fat man was also eager to be interviewed.
"He should have gone a heroes death! Jumping out of a helicopter, rope tied to the helicopter and his leg. Suddenly the helicopter is being pulled towards him, on the side of a cliff! Bang helicopter rips open. He's just saved the lives of millions but died an epic death.
At the moment it is, "How did he die?" "I don't really know, the point is that he's dead waaaaa" I love death and this was a big chance for him. I hope this makes your British paper some juicy. "

"Linal Jykmax, Daily Crumb News, Jacksonville."

I know what you're thinking.
Not only did Linal go to the wrong place but Linal Jykmax also just wasted a minute or so of your time! WRONG
As mentioned at the beginning time stopped when you began reading this NEWS of the day/night. No time has been wasted. No worries.

Also in the news

James Roland from East Yorkshire has emailed us saying "The ice caps are melting."
Though mine is doing fine.

I love my ice cap. I used THE SECRET to get it.

Sammy the Monkey was not avaliable today but he promises an article for the next issue. I hope you have enjoyed the first installment of the new series.

Also in the news
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
By removing his batteries!

Yes this article took almost an hour to write. But will take no time at all when reading.

Now, i must give you your time back now. I do not want to become a power freak.

Your time belongs to you from

heh heh

ok yeah


- The Daily Crumb

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