Saturday, June 27, 2009

The End of the Daily Crumb

Today in the news i do suppose every article needs a head-line, a big title. A title that pulls in the readers.
We got an email in today asking that we play Eminem's new single 'Something about my mumma in a cupboard'. When i replied that the Daily Crumb was no longer doing a radio show they cried in text form *Crying*
They asked us if we'd keep their name hidden as they were ashamed of what their family might say about contacting us.
Apparently across the planet parents are banning their children from reading The Daily Crumb.
A poll taken by a fine arts university in Wales said, "Pathetic online newspapers like The Daily Crumb are only read by those that are forced. Like you."

As Sammy the Monkey seems to be drinking more coffee than writing his novel we sent him over to Wales to find out more.

Sammy: "So does anyone stumble by and become attached to it's weekly mayhem?"
Professor Eastwood of Fine Arts and Poll Delivery Settlements spoke: "No. If anyone WERE to stumble past and like what they read they would be drunk and never return."
"And those that are forced?"
Professor Eastwood of Fine Arts spoke: "Well there is a hated system named BlogSend Address. The makers, YOU, like any spambot steal email addresses and stick them in this BlogSend box. Then, any article you release gets sent right to them.
Unsuspecting readers get a dose of The Daily Crumb, enough to make them cringe."

Before i go on here is a picture of Professor Eastwood

He was not smiling when our Sammy turned up in his kitchen.

Eastwood is quite a leader in education and has persuaded parents across the world to ban their children from the lies of our newspaper.
"Children's brains are the most important things in the world. They are always learning new important things. Common daily lies and things do not help the children of the world to learn things. It is like biting at a living creature, whether human or animal. When they die you've lost a mind to teach and the thing is dead."
Not sure what he was talking about then.

His face was more like this

Yes, he did turn black and white. It was quite amazing.

"Ongoing stupid pathetic lies about the world, abstract stupid pathetic ongoing crud filling the minds of our children and elders.
For this reason i want The Daily Crumb banned from every family home as well as from the internet."

Professor Eastwood recently sent a letter to the God of internet asking whether our website could be cut off.

Bad news folks. They agreed with the wonderful Professor David Eastwood and The Daily Crumb will go offline this monday.
It has been nice knowing you all. Well not knowing any of you, you're all victims of
'The Daily Crumb BlogSendVirus.'

Goodbye from us

- The Daily Crumb

I'm just joking

1 comment:

  1. That title scared me for a mo! :D
    Yeah play eminem's song 'i locked my momma in a cupboard' and then play his new song 'I sell children drugs'
    I think children should read the daily crumb :)
    Full of facts, useless facts but still facts all the same :)