Today in the news
i remember the day we were asked to produce a pixillation, a human animation. The three of us, Matt, Mud and I shot ideas into the air hoping for some of them to clash.
Luckily one did, the time travelling, action packed, mobile theif.
Our very first film, the first with Matthew Menhenick and the first in the UK.
Enjoy
- The Daily Crumb
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Gold Snap!
I just watched a great dvd, film called Golf Snap. It has David Tennant and Timothy Dalton in it!
It is so hilarious, i recommend
It did not seem like a very interesting theme but the films antics brightened up our day for sure! The scene with the windmill and the money basket inspired us to watch more.
It is so hilarious, i recommend
It did not seem like a very interesting theme but the films antics brightened up our day for sure! The scene with the windmill and the money basket inspired us to watch more.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
A Bug's Life vs ANTZ . The full story
Today in the news it is 1998.
And in the ring today is A bug's life and ANTZ. ANTZ throws the first punch with capital letters. A bug's life pulls himself up and throws in a hit with character design.
ANTZ hits back hard. A Bug's Life feels a swollen nose but soon swings in with animation. Before ANTZ can say anymore it is stomped on with the power of storyline. Or is it? ANTZ holds A bug's life's foot in place, and then shoves his opponent onto the floor.
Standing over A bug's life ANTZ wipes sweat from his forhead with a giant Z. A bug's life is up again still strong ready for another slice. But before anything can be done ANTZ swipes a punch with celebrity voice actors.
A bug's life is down!
A BUG'S LIFE IS UP! A heavy hit into ANTZ' face with 91% Rotten Tomatoes reviews! Oh no, ANTZ shakes head in a 95% review-like fashion.
Is this the end for Bugs? Lying on the floor, beaten by Antz? Surely not!
ANTZ stares down spitting out some more celebrity voice actors.
The ring goes quiet.
A bug's life has pulled himself up in a cheesy end of movie- like fashion, with the power of LOVE. ANTZ is DOWN! and missing a head!.?....Ouch.
The referee has run in to count down beside ANTZ. As the numbers flow it looks like we know our winner, A bug's life!
ANTZ is up! What a surprise. Normally the power of love wins the battle. ANTZ has grabbed a knife! He's going for A bug's life!!!
OHNO
Unfortunatley A bug's life passed away... but you can still collect it on dvd. ANTZ lost, the stabbing was counted as cheating. He was soon arrested but died in jail.
- Our Daily Crumb.
And in the ring today is A bug's life and ANTZ. ANTZ throws the first punch with capital letters. A bug's life pulls himself up and throws in a hit with character design.
ANTZ hits back hard. A Bug's Life feels a swollen nose but soon swings in with animation. Before ANTZ can say anymore it is stomped on with the power of storyline. Or is it? ANTZ holds A bug's life's foot in place, and then shoves his opponent onto the floor.
Standing over A bug's life ANTZ wipes sweat from his forhead with a giant Z. A bug's life is up again still strong ready for another slice. But before anything can be done ANTZ swipes a punch with celebrity voice actors.
A bug's life is down!
A BUG'S LIFE IS UP! A heavy hit into ANTZ' face with 91% Rotten Tomatoes reviews! Oh no, ANTZ shakes head in a 95% review-like fashion.
Is this the end for Bugs? Lying on the floor, beaten by Antz? Surely not!
ANTZ stares down spitting out some more celebrity voice actors.
The ring goes quiet.
A bug's life has pulled himself up in a cheesy end of movie- like fashion, with the power of LOVE. ANTZ is DOWN! and missing a head!.?....Ouch.
The referee has run in to count down beside ANTZ. As the numbers flow it looks like we know our winner, A bug's life!
ANTZ is up! What a surprise. Normally the power of love wins the battle. ANTZ has grabbed a knife! He's going for A bug's life!!!
OHNO
Unfortunatley A bug's life passed away... but you can still collect it on dvd. ANTZ lost, the stabbing was counted as cheating. He was soon arrested but died in jail.
- Our Daily Crumb.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Parents and Teachers
Today in the news the Pottery channel on FOX and SKY television has had a complaint:
"What are my children watching? These people are teaching our kids that little men live in their heads! Today my son was trying to put tables and chairs in his ear. They were dolls house ones of course. But his younger sister was not happy with the ear waxed coffee table she found in her living room.
My son was going to walk out of the house with a musical note tie on today! If he went out like that he'd be shot for sure! By the way, i'm in America!
These channels are not safe for learning kids. We do not want them to grow up extremely dumb do we?
Please reply soon Mr. or Mrs. Government.
- Margaret Remeson
________________
This is a real letter. NO JOKE
It is a joke.
Also in the news as BreskFEST draws to a triangular hault one man HAS SOMETHING TO SAY.
"Good morning class my name is Mr. Jacobs. Could you repeat that?"
"..."
"Class?"
"Good morning class my name is Mr. Jacobs. Could you repeat that"
"no, just the Mr. Jacobs please."
"Mr. Jacobs please."
"Ok, typical... unoriginal... lousy. I've got you all in a bottle and i know what you will be like. Drunken losers pregnant with alien grandchildren on the streets of some build replica set of Hollywood."
"Are you going to do the names sir?"
"Yes i suppose. No point in learning any of your names though, you'll all be nobodies by the time you leave this school. Gosh, you're nobodies already, i dont know your names!"
"My name is Ben sir."
"No, did i ask for a name? ONE! If you were important i'd know your name already and TWO what the hell kind of stage name is Ben? Mr. Jacobs, now that is memorable. Here, have two dollars."
"Dollars?"
"It's Australian."
"Australian?"
"Oh my god. Dont tell me, locked in your rooms playing game boys until you're pulled out of the house in your dressing gowns by a metal claw, milk down your front from messy cereal and then sat by your classroom desk?"
"?"
"No it is fine, you dont need to say anything you SKUM! What does your normal teacher TEACH you? I imagine she finds it hard to cope with your terrible behaviour."
"Crayon drawings."
"Smart boy are you ******?"
"MR. JACOBS!"
"What what? i am so sorry headmaster.. i was.... the language slipped out. They are fantastic children really. They have not made one little sound, and.... yes. Best class i've EVER HAD! Arent you class? I am serious.. honestly... no really.. wow! They are silent arent they?"
"Yes they are Mr. Jacobs... One of them has said you have been whipping the children."
"I.. uh .. what?"
"The police are waiting to have a little chat in the corridor"
"I.. NEVER! I HAVE NEVER!... in my days! done anything like that! WHO TOLD YOU THIS?"
"A very reliable source."
"A STUDENT? That is not a reliable source! THEY ARE SKUM!"
"I rest my case Mr. Jacobs. you are fired."
"But my mother left me alone in a cold room! The roof had a leak! LEAVE ME BE, ME NEED MONEY."
"And a Therapist."
- The Daily Crumb
- The Daily Crumb
- The Daily Crumb
ERROR
"What are my children watching? These people are teaching our kids that little men live in their heads! Today my son was trying to put tables and chairs in his ear. They were dolls house ones of course. But his younger sister was not happy with the ear waxed coffee table she found in her living room.
My son was going to walk out of the house with a musical note tie on today! If he went out like that he'd be shot for sure! By the way, i'm in America!
These channels are not safe for learning kids. We do not want them to grow up extremely dumb do we?
Please reply soon Mr. or Mrs. Government.
- Margaret Remeson
________________
This is a real letter. NO JOKE
It is a joke.
Also in the news as BreskFEST draws to a triangular hault one man HAS SOMETHING TO SAY.
"Good morning class my name is Mr. Jacobs. Could you repeat that?"
"..."
"Class?"
"Good morning class my name is Mr. Jacobs. Could you repeat that"
"no, just the Mr. Jacobs please."
"Mr. Jacobs please."
"Ok, typical... unoriginal... lousy. I've got you all in a bottle and i know what you will be like. Drunken losers pregnant with alien grandchildren on the streets of some build replica set of Hollywood."
"Are you going to do the names sir?"
"Yes i suppose. No point in learning any of your names though, you'll all be nobodies by the time you leave this school. Gosh, you're nobodies already, i dont know your names!"
"My name is Ben sir."
"No, did i ask for a name? ONE! If you were important i'd know your name already and TWO what the hell kind of stage name is Ben? Mr. Jacobs, now that is memorable. Here, have two dollars."
"Dollars?"
"It's Australian."
"Australian?"
"Oh my god. Dont tell me, locked in your rooms playing game boys until you're pulled out of the house in your dressing gowns by a metal claw, milk down your front from messy cereal and then sat by your classroom desk?"
"?"
"No it is fine, you dont need to say anything you SKUM! What does your normal teacher TEACH you? I imagine she finds it hard to cope with your terrible behaviour."
"Crayon drawings."
"Smart boy are you ******?"
"MR. JACOBS!"
"What what? i am so sorry headmaster.. i was.... the language slipped out. They are fantastic children really. They have not made one little sound, and.... yes. Best class i've EVER HAD! Arent you class? I am serious.. honestly... no really.. wow! They are silent arent they?"
"Yes they are Mr. Jacobs... One of them has said you have been whipping the children."
"I.. uh .. what?"
"The police are waiting to have a little chat in the corridor"
"I.. NEVER! I HAVE NEVER!... in my days! done anything like that! WHO TOLD YOU THIS?"
"A very reliable source."
"A STUDENT? That is not a reliable source! THEY ARE SKUM!"
"I rest my case Mr. Jacobs. you are fired."
"But my mother left me alone in a cold room! The roof had a leak! LEAVE ME BE, ME NEED MONEY."
"And a Therapist."
- The Daily Crumb
- The Daily Crumb
- The Daily Crumb
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Village Survey (Short video)
Today in the news you may notice the words i speak were written down a little earlier in the week.
- The Daily Crumb
- The Daily Crumb
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Crawling with compost (another Pre- Silver Screen)
Today in the news the weird couple in 'Walkhampton Stores' have been fined after leaving out too much rubbish.
This is what they had to say, "Well it aint our fault we got a lot of useless stock .We eat and eat until we can't get out."
Mr. Clapton walked passed with his clipboard and knocked on the door.
"Hello! Village survey!."
("Oh look! You've cut me arm off now!"
"Sorreeee")
Clapton turned and began back down the street past the pub and up to the red telephone box.
"Old beauty you are int ya?"
Telepone box: "Oh yes. I am older than anything else in the village."
"Would you like to do the village survey?"
Telepone box: "Oh sure."
"What did you think of the vegetable competition turn out?"
Telepone box: "Oh... i could not make it to that one."
"Ok. No worries. Next question, what do you think of the pub?"
Telepone box: "Well it looks good from the outside... but never been in."
"Oh.. no that is fine. Next, will you be attending the fair?"
Telepone box: "No."
"You say you're the oldest but you dont seem to have the village spirit."
Telepone box: "I am a phone box.. "
"Still. Last question, any family?"
Telepone box: "Yes actually"
"Oh really, and where are they?"
Telepone box: "Scattered across the United Kingdom."
"Oh dear me... right... well. No comments from me! Have a nice day sir."
Telepone box: "You too..."
*ring*
Matt: "Yes?"
"Hello! My name is Mr. Clapton. I see you are staying at the village hotel."
Matt: "It is basically a cave."
"Fine fine! So! Tell me about yourself, friends?"
Matt: "Well the medium murdered my boss in the city and i dont know anyone in the village."
"AGH! You're a bog then."
Matt: "A what?"
"It is what we like to call outsiders of the village. Have a nice day sir."
Matt: "Wait, dont you want to survey me?"
"Only villagers are surveyed. So long!"
Matt: "Oh, if you see the medium, DONT TELL HIM WHERE I AM!"
"Okeydoke."
- The Daily Crumb
This is what they had to say, "Well it aint our fault we got a lot of useless stock .We eat and eat until we can't get out."
Mr. Clapton walked passed with his clipboard and knocked on the door.
"Hello! Village survey!."
("Oh look! You've cut me arm off now!"
"Sorreeee")
Clapton turned and began back down the street past the pub and up to the red telephone box.
"Old beauty you are int ya?"
Telepone box: "Oh yes. I am older than anything else in the village."
"Would you like to do the village survey?"
Telepone box: "Oh sure."
"What did you think of the vegetable competition turn out?"
Telepone box: "Oh... i could not make it to that one."
"Ok. No worries. Next question, what do you think of the pub?"
Telepone box: "Well it looks good from the outside... but never been in."
"Oh.. no that is fine. Next, will you be attending the fair?"
Telepone box: "No."
"You say you're the oldest but you dont seem to have the village spirit."
Telepone box: "I am a phone box.. "
"Still. Last question, any family?"
Telepone box: "Yes actually"
"Oh really, and where are they?"
Telepone box: "Scattered across the United Kingdom."
"Oh dear me... right... well. No comments from me! Have a nice day sir."
Telepone box: "You too..."
*ring*
Matt: "Yes?"
"Hello! My name is Mr. Clapton. I see you are staying at the village hotel."
Matt: "It is basically a cave."
"Fine fine! So! Tell me about yourself, friends?"
Matt: "Well the medium murdered my boss in the city and i dont know anyone in the village."
"AGH! You're a bog then."
Matt: "A what?"
"It is what we like to call outsiders of the village. Have a nice day sir."
Matt: "Wait, dont you want to survey me?"
"Only villagers are surveyed. So long!"
Matt: "Oh, if you see the medium, DONT TELL HIM WHERE I AM!"
"Okeydoke."
- The Daily Crumb
Pre Silver Screen
Today in the news Lemington Fat was walking down the main street of Walkhampton. The creepy folk in the shop mumbled as he went past.
"Morning Matt."
Matt: "Morning Lemington Fat."
"Nice day for it."
Matt: "For what?
"Just... for walking... "
Matt: "Oh, well yes. Bit gloomy, heard it is going to rain this afternoon."
"Oh excellent.Will i see you at the village fair?"
Matt: "Oh.. no.. no i dont think i'll go."
"Afraid of that medium trying to get that knife again are we?"
Matt: "Sort of.. yeah. Anyway, you have a nice time."
"I'll have a drink for ya!"
Matt: "Yeah.. whatever.............. bye"
Lemington Fat came across the village real estate and mayor, Mr. mood. "Ello there Mr. Mood!"
"Morning Lemy! Nice day for it!"
Mr. Mood: "Oh yes. Amazing! Alright?"
"Yes yes!"
Mr. Mood: "You alright?"
"Yes yes."
Mr. Mood: "That's goood. Will i be seeing you at the village fair then?"
"Oh, yes yes. Cannot wait!"
Mr. Mood: "Going to help out with the hot dog stand are we?"
"Yes yes yes!!"
Mr. Mood: "Good Fatty! And what about the pizza throwing competition?"
"Yes of course!"
Mr. Mood: "And the model airoplane display?"
"Yes yes yessy! YES!"
Mr. Mood: "The dog competiton and the bouncy castles?"
"Yes of course Mr. Mood, of course!"
Mr. Mood: "Fantastic! Thats every job filled!"
"Yes yes yessy yes yesums... how much will i be paid?"
Mr. Mood: "Paid?"
"Oh, sorry. Was just asking, it dosent matter. I dont need to be paid, of course! Yes! Fine and Dandy!"
Mr. Mood: "Good good. You will have to pay at the door though."
"Oh."
Mr. Mood: "Do you know if that new bog will be coming?"
"Who?"
Mr. Mood: "That outsider, Mr. Matthews."
"Oooh No, Matt wont be coming Mr. Mood. He is afraid of that medium getting that magical knife again!"
Mr. Mood: "HaHA! What a filthy shame for the boy. Like anyone would want a silly... knife................ "
"*Magical knife Mr. Mood... magical."
Mr. Mood: "Magical....."
- The Daily Crumb
"Morning Matt."
Matt: "Morning Lemington Fat."
"Nice day for it."
Matt: "For what?
"Just... for walking... "
Matt: "Oh, well yes. Bit gloomy, heard it is going to rain this afternoon."
"Oh excellent.Will i see you at the village fair?"
Matt: "Oh.. no.. no i dont think i'll go."
"Afraid of that medium trying to get that knife again are we?"
Matt: "Sort of.. yeah. Anyway, you have a nice time."
"I'll have a drink for ya!"
Matt: "Yeah.. whatever.............. bye"
Lemington Fat came across the village real estate and mayor, Mr. mood. "Ello there Mr. Mood!"
"Morning Lemy! Nice day for it!"
Mr. Mood: "Oh yes. Amazing! Alright?"
"Yes yes!"
Mr. Mood: "You alright?"
"Yes yes."
Mr. Mood: "That's goood. Will i be seeing you at the village fair then?"
"Oh, yes yes. Cannot wait!"
Mr. Mood: "Going to help out with the hot dog stand are we?"
"Yes yes yes!!"
Mr. Mood: "Good Fatty! And what about the pizza throwing competition?"
"Yes of course!"
Mr. Mood: "And the model airoplane display?"
"Yes yes yessy! YES!"
Mr. Mood: "The dog competiton and the bouncy castles?"
"Yes of course Mr. Mood, of course!"
Mr. Mood: "Fantastic! Thats every job filled!"
"Yes yes yessy yes yesums... how much will i be paid?"
Mr. Mood: "Paid?"
"Oh, sorry. Was just asking, it dosent matter. I dont need to be paid, of course! Yes! Fine and Dandy!"
Mr. Mood: "Good good. You will have to pay at the door though."
"Oh."
Mr. Mood: "Do you know if that new bog will be coming?"
"Who?"
Mr. Mood: "That outsider, Mr. Matthews."
"Oooh No, Matt wont be coming Mr. Mood. He is afraid of that medium getting that magical knife again!"
Mr. Mood: "HaHA! What a filthy shame for the boy. Like anyone would want a silly... knife................ "
"*Magical knife Mr. Mood... magical."
Mr. Mood: "Magical....."
- The Daily Crumb
The End
Today in the news the small man was counted.
In less important news as you may already know today is the end of the world.
I have collected a helmet and a beach chair. I will hold on tightly as the planet is sucked into it's own black hole.
Mr. Marsens is on the line, "We have tried to hold them back up until now but time has run out. They are going to go ahead with it.
It dosent matter in the long run, we will not have any memories of it. But incase we do zap into a different dimension please shower and dress formal.
The most likely possibility is that a black hole will appear and a little blue man with jump out. That is right, a smurf.
This smurf (as already organised) will give us the cure for cancer and maggot rash. (Maggot rash has not yet happened but we'll be ready)
It is in the hands of the minds of the scientists."
That was Mr. Brevron Marsens. We have sent reporter, 'me' up to the labs. (We really need to hire some more people.... Although i suppose it does not matter if this is the end of the world.)
I am standing next to the switch. It is about to be pulled. The man is grinning, a golden tooth in his smile.
5
4
"STOP"
"What are we to do professor?"
"I dont know, what do you want to do?"
"No, i mean about the problems."
"What problems? i dont even know what this thing is called. You deal with it."
"All calculations say the chance of sucking the planet into its own black hole are getting higher."
"That is good technology you have there, keep up the good work."
"But sir..."
"Just watch will you! I will let you dine on flaming oil when you are in hell. You can be my right hand man."
"Sir?"
"Yes that is right! I AM SATAN! And this my friends, is the end of Earth itself."
(Background: "5..4...3...2...")
"No you cant! This is Satans work!"
("1.")
BZZaaaaapp!
"It is over... and the human race have not accomplished anything."
"Damn it! Where is my end of the world?"
"Be quiet Satan."
WANTED:
Smurf
Last sighted: Somewhere in Geneva.
- Crumbs
We know it wont happen but why do people care? They wont be there to moan about anyway :D
In less important news as you may already know today is the end of the world.
I have collected a helmet and a beach chair. I will hold on tightly as the planet is sucked into it's own black hole.
Mr. Marsens is on the line, "We have tried to hold them back up until now but time has run out. They are going to go ahead with it.
It dosent matter in the long run, we will not have any memories of it. But incase we do zap into a different dimension please shower and dress formal.
The most likely possibility is that a black hole will appear and a little blue man with jump out. That is right, a smurf.
This smurf (as already organised) will give us the cure for cancer and maggot rash. (Maggot rash has not yet happened but we'll be ready)
It is in the hands of the minds of the scientists."
That was Mr. Brevron Marsens. We have sent reporter, 'me' up to the labs. (We really need to hire some more people.... Although i suppose it does not matter if this is the end of the world.)
I am standing next to the switch. It is about to be pulled. The man is grinning, a golden tooth in his smile.
5
4
"STOP"
"What are we to do professor?"
"I dont know, what do you want to do?"
"No, i mean about the problems."
"What problems? i dont even know what this thing is called. You deal with it."
"All calculations say the chance of sucking the planet into its own black hole are getting higher."
"That is good technology you have there, keep up the good work."
"But sir..."
"Just watch will you! I will let you dine on flaming oil when you are in hell. You can be my right hand man."
"Sir?"
"Yes that is right! I AM SATAN! And this my friends, is the end of Earth itself."
(Background: "5..4...3...2...")
"No you cant! This is Satans work!"
("1.")
BZZaaaaapp!
"It is over... and the human race have not accomplished anything."
"Damn it! Where is my end of the world?"
"Be quiet Satan."
WANTED:
Smurf
Last sighted: Somewhere in Geneva.
- Crumbs
We know it wont happen but why do people care? They wont be there to moan about anyway :D
Monday, September 08, 2008
Noahs Ark
Today in the news Moses said to Noah. "Let me on that ark."
But Noah said, "No, it not for you mcnugget. It be for me int these 2 of every kind animals gottit? Oh, and dee wife, we onlee got nuff rooms for us and da pets. So shove off or ill put dat voodoo doll i has of u into a bucket of water."
Moses replied, "It does not matter, i will drown if i am not saved anyway."
Noah: "I knowz, that is why me is saying it."
Moses: "Oh... well fart it be better if i was to move with you? I could feed and hug the animals."
Noah: "No, you iz bad to God like well dat iz what he is tellin me."
Moses: "You are mistaken. The burning bush told me to come here, travel with you and then let my people go!"
Noah: "Hold on.. yeah that iz what he iz saying. You fink all mighty watery God iz gunna set a tree on fire, fire is satans workz.
Satan wants you to come on the boat and let yal people go, throwing uz and the animals back into the sea so only you will live."
Moses: "No, that cannot be right."
Burning Bush: "Yes, it is true. I am sorry Moses. I have these mood swings you see. Anyway, your next job is to hold me up so you drown and i LIVE!"
Moses: "NO GEORGE BUSH! I WILL NOT DO AS YOU WUSH!"
Burning Bush: "G-George? Anyway! Of course you shall! What else is there to do? The ark has left without you!"
Moses: "No it ha.... oh it has."
Noah: "Byyyeee............"
Moses: "Darn you tree!"
Tree: "Hey!"
Moses: "Oh ... sorry."
Burning Bush: "It is all over now. We shall just wait to get washed away."
Tree: "Hey, do you guys have a knife or something?"
Burning Bush: "NO! NOW HUSH WHILST I WATCH EVERYONE DROWN!"
Tree: "Well it is just i wanted to paint my creation before i drowned it. But i cannot open my cans of coloured paints!"
Moses: "Oh God... here, let me help!"
Tree: "Oh thankyou kind sir."
Moses: "Wait, your creation?"
And before Moses had run out of air he pulled the paint cans open firing an amazing ark of coloured lines across the sky.
Noah sent out a dove, it returned with a plant. "There iz still der life out thatta way oh deary! Let us shiver onfast!"
So the ark moved forward and came across a lonely tree sitting on a rock, below it was only water... and a frozen hand gripping onto the stone.
The dove sat on top of the tree.
Tree: "Well done Noah. You did a fine job saving those animals. We got rid of all those nasty things earth had to offer when we washed it."
Noah: "What happened to zat Moses Innit?"
Tree: "Twas meant to die a hero. That's his hand there."
Noah: "Ew."
God ended the story with an advertisement:
Follow the Daily Crumb by clicking here, good luck!
http://www.blogger.com/follow-blog.g?blogID=36711502&blogTitle=%C2%B0+The+Daily+Crumb+(This+year,+in+a+world+unlike+our+own.+You'll+get+the+news)&loginTemplateDirectory=FOLLOWING
- The Daily Crumb
But Noah said, "No, it not for you mcnugget. It be for me int these 2 of every kind animals gottit? Oh, and dee wife, we onlee got nuff rooms for us and da pets. So shove off or ill put dat voodoo doll i has of u into a bucket of water."
Moses replied, "It does not matter, i will drown if i am not saved anyway."
Noah: "I knowz, that is why me is saying it."
Moses: "Oh... well fart it be better if i was to move with you? I could feed and hug the animals."
Noah: "No, you iz bad to God like well dat iz what he is tellin me."
Moses: "You are mistaken. The burning bush told me to come here, travel with you and then let my people go!"
Noah: "Hold on.. yeah that iz what he iz saying. You fink all mighty watery God iz gunna set a tree on fire, fire is satans workz.
Satan wants you to come on the boat and let yal people go, throwing uz and the animals back into the sea so only you will live."
Moses: "No, that cannot be right."
Burning Bush: "Yes, it is true. I am sorry Moses. I have these mood swings you see. Anyway, your next job is to hold me up so you drown and i LIVE!"
Moses: "NO GEORGE BUSH! I WILL NOT DO AS YOU WUSH!"
Burning Bush: "G-George? Anyway! Of course you shall! What else is there to do? The ark has left without you!"
Moses: "No it ha.... oh it has."
Noah: "Byyyeee............"
Moses: "Darn you tree!"
Tree: "Hey!"
Moses: "Oh ... sorry."
Burning Bush: "It is all over now. We shall just wait to get washed away."
Tree: "Hey, do you guys have a knife or something?"
Burning Bush: "NO! NOW HUSH WHILST I WATCH EVERYONE DROWN!"
Tree: "Well it is just i wanted to paint my creation before i drowned it. But i cannot open my cans of coloured paints!"
Moses: "Oh God... here, let me help!"
Tree: "Oh thankyou kind sir."
Moses: "Wait, your creation?"
And before Moses had run out of air he pulled the paint cans open firing an amazing ark of coloured lines across the sky.
Noah sent out a dove, it returned with a plant. "There iz still der life out thatta way oh deary! Let us shiver onfast!"
So the ark moved forward and came across a lonely tree sitting on a rock, below it was only water... and a frozen hand gripping onto the stone.
The dove sat on top of the tree.
Tree: "Well done Noah. You did a fine job saving those animals. We got rid of all those nasty things earth had to offer when we washed it."
Noah: "What happened to zat Moses Innit?"
Tree: "Twas meant to die a hero. That's his hand there."
Noah: "Ew."
God ended the story with an advertisement:
Follow the Daily Crumb by clicking here, good luck!
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- The Daily Crumb
Mrs. Crumpet Introduces you to her shop.
Today in the news everyone involved in yesterdays little incident have had their minds wiped.
Also, Mrs. Crumpet, the woman that owns the kingdom bakery would like to say hello and welcome.
"Good mornings my locks and key cars. This is my warm, cosy bakery. Over here is the corner of the shop, there is nothing here at the moment but i am sure something will grow over time. If you follow me to the centre you will walk into two or three tables, so i advise against it. You see, i am a spirit. I died a baker and could not leave my shop, so i still work here even now.
This corner has a mini bookshelf and sofa set, this is where i read to the pixies of the kingdom. (People say they're not fead literature by their parents). The children get plastic knifes and forks. This is because there was an incident a few weeks ago where a evil little cow pixie stabbed a metal knife into the heart of a baker here. It was me!
The regulars say i point out the obvious a lot of the time and i am a little repetitive. This may be due to my age of course.
This is the counter in which i stand and write down the orders. Mr Kennedy is the first to dingle through in the morning asking for a good dash of lemonander fredge and a light scoop of terryice paste to fill. He also buys a newspaper from me, The Daily Crumb obviously. I do not sell any other such crud fools.
Mrs. Vegetarian comes in next, dont be fooled by her title of course. She orders a large slab of human flesh with a coca-cola on the side. Nice woman, good to our workers.
They are the regulars. I was asked not to tell you this but Princess Artistic sometimes comes in here with Benjamin Biscuitboy. (It aint no rumour sunshine) Seen it with me only grime eyes. They eat the pasta experimenta' together. Very romantic you see, although Benjamin continued to make biscuits whilst she speaks to him. Never stops that boy, he worked here once, didnt last, got stuck in our oven.
Oh, gosh. That is what you're here for isnt it? It is rumoured Mrs. Crumpet's oven is the largest oven in the kingdom! I am so sorry for dragging you on with all this babble."
No... we just wanted to sidetrack readers from yesterdays..... thing.
"Oh right... well ill tel you one thing my deary. This morning we had fuff up Queen get ya head out of those clouds an' hoolahoop come in."
Queen get your head out of the clouds. Really? How did that go down?
"In those words, very well. She fell down a hole into the dungeon. They are electing a new Queen right now!"
OH MY GOU! WHY ARENT WE OVER THERE?
COME ON DAILY CRUMB! LETS MOVE!
- The Daily Crumb
Also, Mrs. Crumpet, the woman that owns the kingdom bakery would like to say hello and welcome.
"Good mornings my locks and key cars. This is my warm, cosy bakery. Over here is the corner of the shop, there is nothing here at the moment but i am sure something will grow over time. If you follow me to the centre you will walk into two or three tables, so i advise against it. You see, i am a spirit. I died a baker and could not leave my shop, so i still work here even now.
This corner has a mini bookshelf and sofa set, this is where i read to the pixies of the kingdom. (People say they're not fead literature by their parents). The children get plastic knifes and forks. This is because there was an incident a few weeks ago where a evil little cow pixie stabbed a metal knife into the heart of a baker here. It was me!
The regulars say i point out the obvious a lot of the time and i am a little repetitive. This may be due to my age of course.
This is the counter in which i stand and write down the orders. Mr Kennedy is the first to dingle through in the morning asking for a good dash of lemonander fredge and a light scoop of terryice paste to fill. He also buys a newspaper from me, The Daily Crumb obviously. I do not sell any other such crud fools.
Mrs. Vegetarian comes in next, dont be fooled by her title of course. She orders a large slab of human flesh with a coca-cola on the side. Nice woman, good to our workers.
They are the regulars. I was asked not to tell you this but Princess Artistic sometimes comes in here with Benjamin Biscuitboy. (It aint no rumour sunshine) Seen it with me only grime eyes. They eat the pasta experimenta' together. Very romantic you see, although Benjamin continued to make biscuits whilst she speaks to him. Never stops that boy, he worked here once, didnt last, got stuck in our oven.
Oh, gosh. That is what you're here for isnt it? It is rumoured Mrs. Crumpet's oven is the largest oven in the kingdom! I am so sorry for dragging you on with all this babble."
No... we just wanted to sidetrack readers from yesterdays..... thing.
"Oh right... well ill tel you one thing my deary. This morning we had fuff up Queen get ya head out of those clouds an' hoolahoop come in."
Queen get your head out of the clouds. Really? How did that go down?
"In those words, very well. She fell down a hole into the dungeon. They are electing a new Queen right now!"
OH MY GOU! WHY ARENT WE OVER THERE?
COME ON DAILY CRUMB! LETS MOVE!
- The Daily Crumb
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Demand, the truth about fiction
Today in the news a gardener was strangled by his gardener with a hose pipe.
The police are investigating why the incident occured. The gardener said, "I am innocent."
Due to the fact both of them are gardeners no one can be blamed at the present time. Apart from one is dead.
Also in the news as BreckFEST continues we at The Daily Crumb, meaning me. Actually, off subject: Today i was doing a morning walk, over a heard of evil cows.
... we at The Daily Crumb are celebrating BreckFEST by cooking up some lovely warm mud in mugs and broadcasting it on BBC three. (The reason for this is because we live in a hole in the desert. Our home was hit by a spaceship a few months back. No one could visit us to celebrate.)
We also await the live speech from Princess Artistic on the television. She is going to say some memorable words to the world.
There she is, everyone in the stadium bows down.
"Good morning travellers, humans and those watching illegally over the internet," She spoke. "I need to tell you some urgent news! IT IS ALL A LIE! EVERYTHING IS A LIE! QUEEN GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS LIES TO US ALL!
WE ARE ONLY FICTION. WE ARE ONLY WRITING ON A PAGE! Nathan! If you are watching this, nothing you write is real, it is all made up!"
JUST-IN (is back from his holiday) Princess Artistic was shot in the eye off screen. The camera moved to a fat man eating his belly.
Well, i hope the Nathan she was speaking too understood her messege.
Come back tommorow for some more news.
Benjamin Biscuitboy has just walked onto the stadium stage, "I'm here to offer... biscuits......... she's dead. Princess Artistic is dead..."
Princess Artistic has gotten up! "Did you forget what i taught you Benjamin my love? Everyone is fiction. We can make it up as we go along! As long as the writer, NATHAN VINEY is feeling generous. Look, i will grow a dragons tale."
Princess Artistic has just grown a DRAGONS TALE!!?!?!
Well thats not very attractive.
Nathan Viney? thats me? I'm a writer.
"Yes a writer of The Daily Crumb. I can hear you through the tv..."
How?
"It is fiction. Nothing is real, all these terrible things you have gone through are not real! Aghh! Would you stop shooting me in the eye? Ok, Nathan, sorry about that. The writer is Nathan Viney. You are a character version of him, and we are other characters. You dont write The Daily Crumb Nathan! YOU ARE THE WRITING IN THE DAILY CRUMB! As are we! I can prove it! Just go to, dailybloog.blogtoenails."
I dont think that is a real address Princess Artistic.
"Of course it is, now type it in!"
Nope, it did not work.
"Read it back to me."
Dailybloog.blogtoenails.
"Darn it! He has put a filter on the website! We cannot speak its name! Toenails you Nathan!"
Watch your language Princess, you're LIVE on BreckFEST tv.
"No i am not you fool. There is no one in the stadium, because they have not been mentioned in so long they have faded into a blur. Only me, you and Benjamin my love are here!"
What about Queen get your head out of the clouds?
"Oh yeah... her as well."
So wait, what do we do to escape?
"Well i read in the history books the magic word to escape the fictional world is Burpn'Starter."
Sorry, i didnt catch that. I wrote down burp....
"Toenails."
What?
"Toenails."
It is toenails is it?
"OH NO IT IS THAT FILTER AGAIN! A FILTER ON LIFE! Now, you have burp. The end bit is n'Starter. OK?"
I got n' is it? nnnnnn?
"yes, toenails."
And... starter?
"toenails."
Am i wrong... or what?
"toenails."
um...
"toenails."
toenails
"toenails"
toenails
Today in the news i was just reading a newspaper and a lizard jumped out and ate away my face! how fun filled!
- The Daily Crumb
"Benjamin Biscuitboy here! Every word Princess Artisic or Nathan says has been filtered. It is up to you to save us. All you little children say, Burpn'Starter! And we will be free from the fictional world all together!"
It wont work little Benjamin.
"The writer?"
Yes, i am Nathan. You were my favourite character Benjy, i brought you in to be a bit cute, making biscuits for all those of the kingdom with Princess Artistic. Now you have stabbed me in the back.
You forget we have no readers Benjamin, so no one is going to say those words....
why dont you try fall into a John Hutch vlog instead? They get more views.
"You monster. LET US OUT OF HERE!"
No, all of you are going to stay in there until i die of neck poisoning.
"What then?"
You'll only exist in fictional memories. These online articles... that is of course, until Blogger closes down....
"Oh.."
So be nice.
- The Daily Crumb
The police are investigating why the incident occured. The gardener said, "I am innocent."
Due to the fact both of them are gardeners no one can be blamed at the present time. Apart from one is dead.
Also in the news as BreckFEST continues we at The Daily Crumb, meaning me. Actually, off subject: Today i was doing a morning walk, over a heard of evil cows.
... we at The Daily Crumb are celebrating BreckFEST by cooking up some lovely warm mud in mugs and broadcasting it on BBC three. (The reason for this is because we live in a hole in the desert. Our home was hit by a spaceship a few months back. No one could visit us to celebrate.)
We also await the live speech from Princess Artistic on the television. She is going to say some memorable words to the world.
There she is, everyone in the stadium bows down.
"Good morning travellers, humans and those watching illegally over the internet," She spoke. "I need to tell you some urgent news! IT IS ALL A LIE! EVERYTHING IS A LIE! QUEEN GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS LIES TO US ALL!
WE ARE ONLY FICTION. WE ARE ONLY WRITING ON A PAGE! Nathan! If you are watching this, nothing you write is real, it is all made up!"
JUST-IN (is back from his holiday) Princess Artistic was shot in the eye off screen. The camera moved to a fat man eating his belly.
Well, i hope the Nathan she was speaking too understood her messege.
Come back tommorow for some more news.
Benjamin Biscuitboy has just walked onto the stadium stage, "I'm here to offer... biscuits......... she's dead. Princess Artistic is dead..."
Princess Artistic has gotten up! "Did you forget what i taught you Benjamin my love? Everyone is fiction. We can make it up as we go along! As long as the writer, NATHAN VINEY is feeling generous. Look, i will grow a dragons tale."
Princess Artistic has just grown a DRAGONS TALE!!?!?!
Well thats not very attractive.
Nathan Viney? thats me? I'm a writer.
"Yes a writer of The Daily Crumb. I can hear you through the tv..."
How?
"It is fiction. Nothing is real, all these terrible things you have gone through are not real! Aghh! Would you stop shooting me in the eye? Ok, Nathan, sorry about that. The writer is Nathan Viney. You are a character version of him, and we are other characters. You dont write The Daily Crumb Nathan! YOU ARE THE WRITING IN THE DAILY CRUMB! As are we! I can prove it! Just go to, dailybloog.blogtoenails."
I dont think that is a real address Princess Artistic.
"Of course it is, now type it in!"
Nope, it did not work.
"Read it back to me."
Dailybloog.blogtoenails.
"Darn it! He has put a filter on the website! We cannot speak its name! Toenails you Nathan!"
Watch your language Princess, you're LIVE on BreckFEST tv.
"No i am not you fool. There is no one in the stadium, because they have not been mentioned in so long they have faded into a blur. Only me, you and Benjamin my love are here!"
What about Queen get your head out of the clouds?
"Oh yeah... her as well."
So wait, what do we do to escape?
"Well i read in the history books the magic word to escape the fictional world is Burpn'Starter."
Sorry, i didnt catch that. I wrote down burp....
"Toenails."
What?
"Toenails."
It is toenails is it?
"OH NO IT IS THAT FILTER AGAIN! A FILTER ON LIFE! Now, you have burp. The end bit is n'Starter. OK?"
I got n' is it? nnnnnn?
"yes, toenails."
And... starter?
"toenails."
Am i wrong... or what?
"toenails."
um...
"toenails."
toenails
"toenails"
toenails
Today in the news i was just reading a newspaper and a lizard jumped out and ate away my face! how fun filled!
- The Daily Crumb
"Benjamin Biscuitboy here! Every word Princess Artisic or Nathan says has been filtered. It is up to you to save us. All you little children say, Burpn'Starter! And we will be free from the fictional world all together!"
It wont work little Benjamin.
"The writer?"
Yes, i am Nathan. You were my favourite character Benjy, i brought you in to be a bit cute, making biscuits for all those of the kingdom with Princess Artistic. Now you have stabbed me in the back.
You forget we have no readers Benjamin, so no one is going to say those words....
why dont you try fall into a John Hutch vlog instead? They get more views.
"You monster. LET US OUT OF HERE!"
No, all of you are going to stay in there until i die of neck poisoning.
"What then?"
You'll only exist in fictional memories. These online articles... that is of course, until Blogger closes down....
"Oh.."
So be nice.
- The Daily Crumb
Saturday, September 06, 2008
A messege from the Wavey Folk
Today in the news 'always head first'. A memorable line from the late Captain Giggilan Tans taken from the writings of author, Berton Scouts. Berton Scouts was known for re-writing books by Arthur Hazelnut and James Mcdilly Peterson, as well as Kram A. Seasoree the french brilliance.
Kram brought green to France.
But Kram Ankan Seasoree actually stole the idea of green from Martin Green in the small island of Impekabliss and claimed it his own creation in France.
They both died of neck poisoning.
Also as BreckFEST continues we have Queen Get your Head Out of the Clouds standing high and mighty on the stadium floor.
"I am happy to open the games, the awards and everything else TODAY!"
She was late for yesterdays award ceremony so BreckFEST was reopened today.
The 10 greatest people in the world are still winners.
Though everyone from 1 to 9 were shot dead today by a masked man wearing a bitey shirt.
I suppose this leaves Adam Phillips (Number 10) in first place.
We interviewed him about it, he said this: "I didnt say that."
More activities and ceremonies are still to come over the next week.
These include:
The greatest and most informative online newspaper award.
- The Daily Crumb
Kram brought green to France.
But Kram Ankan Seasoree actually stole the idea of green from Martin Green in the small island of Impekabliss and claimed it his own creation in France.
They both died of neck poisoning.
Also as BreckFEST continues we have Queen Get your Head Out of the Clouds standing high and mighty on the stadium floor.
"I am happy to open the games, the awards and everything else TODAY!"
She was late for yesterdays award ceremony so BreckFEST was reopened today.
The 10 greatest people in the world are still winners.
Though everyone from 1 to 9 were shot dead today by a masked man wearing a bitey shirt.
I suppose this leaves Adam Phillips (Number 10) in first place.
We interviewed him about it, he said this: "I didnt say that."
More activities and ceremonies are still to come over the next week.
These include:
The greatest and most informative online newspaper award.
- The Daily Crumb
Friday, September 05, 2008
Top 10 People of the World
Today in the news his shoulder ran away with the spoon.
Also: It is difficult to pinpoint the greatest 10 people in the world. There are so many categories, actors, plumbers, animators, science teachers, game designers, homeless people, fat people, football coaches, coach drivers, audiences, passengers, historic names, grave diggers, musicians and Reubens.
But in the end we needed to decide for this weeks:
TOP 10 PEOPLE OF THE WORLD awards
for BreckFEST LIVE
1. Andy Shrimpkin: Artist of logos and painting on horses. A historic name, a great family man.
2. Goliath Kal Giddy: A small man with a large heart. Earlier winner of the midget awards.
3. Graham Gothenstine: Scientist and inventor of the Gothenstine Mctelescope. Another great.
3. Lenny Ethans: Musician that touched the world. Once he reached space he performed his lead song, "All in god time" standing on the moon. He then reached out and got a photo taken of him holding earth between his fingers.
4. Braven Kidenfrill Heartbug: RIP a great chef to the world.
5. Mrs. Hurushamama: Japanese fat lord.
6. Ham Stove: Ham Stove was a plumber and vegetation advisor to all of the people above. He is known for crushing food and renaming it, "Mushy". (Inventor of mushy peas and mushy chicken pieces." Ham Stove also moved on to create plastic chicken pieces for KFC.
7. Number Seven: A fantastic train designed by Mr. Bernard Harrisons and built by the "Co-op & Op-shop building co-op and co."
8. Honey Beach: Inventor of the Honey Beach (Honey spread on the bottom of your feet like butter on toast. This would stop sand sticking to your feet after exiting the water. Once finished on the sand simply rip the honey layer off and your feet are clean as a whistle.) , and multi award winning actress of popular soap opera, "Eastenders Apocalypse 3 part."
9. Getting closer to the end now. Berry Scroll: Game designer of such games as, "Burn that zombie.", "Jump little dragon!" and "Burn those little dragons!" as well as the "Brains are blood stained" game series for PC.
10: The last on the list, and i suppose the less important. Adam Phillips: Creator of the Brackenwood series.
- The Daily Crumb
Also: It is difficult to pinpoint the greatest 10 people in the world. There are so many categories, actors, plumbers, animators, science teachers, game designers, homeless people, fat people, football coaches, coach drivers, audiences, passengers, historic names, grave diggers, musicians and Reubens.
But in the end we needed to decide for this weeks:
TOP 10 PEOPLE OF THE WORLD awards
for BreckFEST LIVE
1. Andy Shrimpkin: Artist of logos and painting on horses. A historic name, a great family man.
2. Goliath Kal Giddy: A small man with a large heart. Earlier winner of the midget awards.
3. Graham Gothenstine: Scientist and inventor of the Gothenstine Mctelescope. Another great.
3. Lenny Ethans: Musician that touched the world. Once he reached space he performed his lead song, "All in god time" standing on the moon. He then reached out and got a photo taken of him holding earth between his fingers.
4. Braven Kidenfrill Heartbug: RIP a great chef to the world.
5. Mrs. Hurushamama: Japanese fat lord.
6. Ham Stove: Ham Stove was a plumber and vegetation advisor to all of the people above. He is known for crushing food and renaming it, "Mushy". (Inventor of mushy peas and mushy chicken pieces." Ham Stove also moved on to create plastic chicken pieces for KFC.
7. Number Seven: A fantastic train designed by Mr. Bernard Harrisons and built by the "Co-op & Op-shop building co-op and co."
8. Honey Beach: Inventor of the Honey Beach (Honey spread on the bottom of your feet like butter on toast. This would stop sand sticking to your feet after exiting the water. Once finished on the sand simply rip the honey layer off and your feet are clean as a whistle.) , and multi award winning actress of popular soap opera, "Eastenders Apocalypse 3 part."
9. Getting closer to the end now. Berry Scroll: Game designer of such games as, "Burn that zombie.", "Jump little dragon!" and "Burn those little dragons!" as well as the "Brains are blood stained" game series for PC.
10: The last on the list, and i suppose the less important. Adam Phillips: Creator of the Brackenwood series.
- The Daily Crumb
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Snow Day
Today in the news a hooligan was hitting a wheel until it popped and melted causing a cloud to turn into strawberry icecream.
----------------------
Snow Day
That snow head is sure heavy. A great short animation by Lauren Andersson experimenting weight (lifting) i believe.
I also like the character designs.
http://laurenanderssonart.blogspot.com/
- The Daily Crumb
----------------------
Snow Day
That snow head is sure heavy. A great short animation by Lauren Andersson experimenting weight (lifting) i believe.
I also like the character designs.
http://laurenanderssonart.blogspot.com/
- The Daily Crumb
RIP Claudius Macaroni and sweet little Problem
Today in the sad sad news the room ceiling light was pulled out and replaced with a disco ball. As the colourful circles lit up the room we saw the stood up body of dear Claudius Macaroni.
The first man on earth to put a full baby pig into a bottle full of alcohol and watch the pig grow up over time.
I remember going to one of his LIVE shows at BreckFEST Stadium. He said, "Why is there such thing as fiction? Do we not like the world as it is? Why do we create something that is not real when we have the world to enjoy? Everyone who writes fake articles and tells stories should really be shot for denying what nature has given us."
Later that day he was mugged, shot in the arm and hit by a motorbike. When he got home he wrote a little story about how he killed the mugger and the driver of the motorbike.
He continued his show at BreckFEST with his pig in a bottle waving to the audience. He named the pig 'Problem' and bought him his own flat.
On september 1 Claudius opened the flat door to find the bottle smashed on the floor, alcohol leaking into the carpet and the window open.
He shrieked and looked out of the window, wind on his face. He was relieved to see his baby had not fallen out of the window.
In the kitchen the fully grown pig was eating a large wooden chair angrily dribbling on the tiles. He turned to Claudius, "You know... *burp* you know i love you Daddy dont ya?" Problem said moving around the room extremely drunk.
"You're not my Problem," Claudius said, a tear in his eye.
"I is yal problem fatso!"
"I'M NOT THAT FAT!"
Claudius cut the pig in two and ate him with eggs. He then attempted to squeeze himself into a bottle of alcohol.
He succeeded.
Claudius drowned in the bottle, but not after having a tasty bacon and egg breakfast.
Bacon & Eggs
The only way to start your day
- The Daily Crumb
The first man on earth to put a full baby pig into a bottle full of alcohol and watch the pig grow up over time.
I remember going to one of his LIVE shows at BreckFEST Stadium. He said, "Why is there such thing as fiction? Do we not like the world as it is? Why do we create something that is not real when we have the world to enjoy? Everyone who writes fake articles and tells stories should really be shot for denying what nature has given us."
Later that day he was mugged, shot in the arm and hit by a motorbike. When he got home he wrote a little story about how he killed the mugger and the driver of the motorbike.
He continued his show at BreckFEST with his pig in a bottle waving to the audience. He named the pig 'Problem' and bought him his own flat.
On september 1 Claudius opened the flat door to find the bottle smashed on the floor, alcohol leaking into the carpet and the window open.
He shrieked and looked out of the window, wind on his face. He was relieved to see his baby had not fallen out of the window.
In the kitchen the fully grown pig was eating a large wooden chair angrily dribbling on the tiles. He turned to Claudius, "You know... *burp* you know i love you Daddy dont ya?" Problem said moving around the room extremely drunk.
"You're not my Problem," Claudius said, a tear in his eye.
"I is yal problem fatso!"
"I'M NOT THAT FAT!"
Claudius cut the pig in two and ate him with eggs. He then attempted to squeeze himself into a bottle of alcohol.
He succeeded.
Claudius drowned in the bottle, but not after having a tasty bacon and egg breakfast.
Bacon & Eggs
The only way to start your day
- The Daily Crumb
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
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