“The boy cursed with a beard”
Written by Andrew Denton and Alfred Dirt
"Gday I’m Andrew Denton, today on Enough Rope we have Alfred Dirt."
Alfred Dirt was sat in an armchair in front of Andrew scratching away at his beard. "Tell us Alfred, about your earlier life."
Alfred began to cry, smiling as he did.
"If this is a touchy subject we don’t even have to worry about it mate."
Alfred wiped tears from his eyes and spoke, "No, it's ok lets talk about it." He picked up his glass of beer and had a sip.
______________________________
Alfred Dirt, seven years old, year one.
Originally Named: Barney Ostridge.
You all know Alfred Dirt as a brilliant musician and outgoing character. Known for his emotional lyrics and unique changes to the music world.
Well now we will look at how it all began.
My name is Andrew Denton; I have gone out of my way to interview various members of Alfred's life.
He does not know I am writing this but I have nothing to worry about due to the fact that he cannot read.
Barney Ostridge, aged seven, with a beard.
He began at Grand Heights primary school and lived in a block of flats with his family of three. All his childhood his mother, Lolley Ostridge told him that no matter what anyone said his beard would always be special to her.
His first day of school began. Apparently by this age Barney had not yet learnt English. He spoke to strangers with a slight mumble and no emotion.
A young girl in his class constantly followed Barney, anxious of a friendship. Her name was Flippa Empire and she clearly had a crush on the bearded seven year old.
She carried books as she walked, wore spectacles and braces. Barney was oblivious of this; he continued to live his daily school life without speech or friendship.
As friendships formed around him, the bullies appeared from the class, from the school. Children of any age would physically beat him.
As they did, Barney just mumbled in shock.
One break:
Flippa sat beside Barney on the stone wall. They did not speak to each other, and Barney's eyes were lost behind his beard. His beard grew down to his chest and ended with a point. His parents had tried to shave it off, but it blunted the shaver. It blunted any sharp object that went near it.
No matter what, they said they would always love him.
Burkus Breakfast: The head bully
Alfred did not speak, Flippa only turned her head. Burkus frowned and threw his hand towards the beard. He tugged, "It's fake, right?" He pulled harder and Barney shrieked.
As Burkus continued to step back pulling the beard it started to get longer, stretch.
Flippa held her books over her eyes.
Burkus finally let go firing Barney backwards off of the wall. He fell into a pool of mud. As he sat, upside down he felt a tear emerge. His beard was covered in mud, along with his uniform.
Similar events occurred over the next months.
One afternoon his beard was placed between the bread of his sandwich and shoved into his mouth.
Barney choked for the first time; luckily he escaped when Flippa hit Burkus with a book.
After continuous bullying Barney was becoming deeply depressed. To escape from reality he smeared his clothes with tomato sauce and scrambled eggs. He thought it would make him invisible.
It may not have made him invisible, but it freaked the bullies out enough to keep them away.
Over the next weeks Barney began to learn some English, listening to conversations and teachings.
His first word; was 'Beer' (Hearing it constantly from teachers, Burkus and Barney's father.)
After half a year of sitting by Barney's side Flippa Empire finally spoke. "Barney."
She paused, "Barney." Her squeaky voice repeated.
"Barney."
"BEER" A deep voice bellowed out of the seven year olds mouth.
The next day they met up at the playground with their parents for a polite meal. Taking turns down the slide Alfred got stuck, the beard had caught onto the rough sides.
As the sun went down eventually a fire engine was called to get him untangled. Flippa’s parents eventually took the seven year old back to her warm home.
After Alfred was finally released he was disappointed to see his love had deserted him.
He continued to cry for many nights.
Flippa never appeared at school again.
Alfred drank some of his father’s beer to get over the matter.
Seven years past.
Barney moved into the realms of smoking.
Towards him crept high school. His beard down to his stomach, which was now a little fatter. He was fourteen but looked close to thirty.
His life was deserted. He attended Golden Star College and sat lonely once again scratching his beard.
Barney showed his first and last smile when he noticed Burcus Breakfast being bullied by a taller student. Burcus had not grown since year one so was an easy target.
The taller bully hung Burcus from the balcony and threatened to drop him. In the corner, on another stone wall, Barney Ostridge sipped his beer and laughed manically.
The bully opened his hand and dropped Burcus three stories downwards. Burcus broke his neck and split open his head. He was killed instantly.
This is why the Principle of Golden Star College, Richard Gold left to open up his own pub.
The staff of the college also went their separate ways and Barney’s education disappeared.
Barney ended up content in his room, smoking and drinking.
Over time the walls turned yellow and a baby was born.
Lolley Ostridge and his father Feedthe Ostridge came home with a baby boy. Barney’s brother was named Smelly after being threatened with Barney’s beard and drunken attitude.
“Barney! Do you want to invite your friends around for your 18th tomorrow?” Feedthe called up the stairs.
Barney sat in his room finishing off another bottle.
He never answered.
That afternoon he was called downstairs.
The family, Lolley, Feedthe and Smelly were set out in the kitchen. Lolley pointed to a big present sitting in the corner. It was the shape of a guitar, his very first guitar.
“Barney!”
Lolley stopped Barney from setting Smelly on fire.
“Here Barney, I just finished baking your cake. Happy Birthday my love.”
The cake was a beer bottle shaped sponge cake. Stuck into the icing was 18 candles all lit with a glowing flame.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday…….” “Dear Barney, happy birthday to you.”
Barney stood silent with no emotion.
“Well blow out your candles Barney.” Lolley was smiling lovingly towards him. With no facial change Barney leant forward and attempted to blow. Unfortunately his beard set fire.
He moaned as the heat reached his skin. As this happened the bright light of flame spread along the kitchen table.
Suddenly there was spitting fire, burps of specs and flame. As Barney’s father held baby Smelly tightly Lolley reached to pour a bucket of water over Barney.
The beard was saved, but the block of flats was not.
That night they stood by the large pile of ash and debris that used to be their home and two other families.
Barney was standing with his tearful family, holding his guitar in his arms.
______________________________________
The new house was wide and echoed. Expensive sofas and kitchen ware. His room seemed almost the same as his older room.
It was small, yellow and piled in broken CDs, empty beer bottles and cigarettes.
The big day that would change the life of Barney Ostridge was almost here, on his 47th birthday.
As usual Barney sat on his bed strumming away at his acoustic guitar which was saved from the ashes of the earlier house. I believe he saw it as a god send.
He never spoke, only singing his creative lyrics in his head.
His 47th birthday was like any other day; he sat strumming as his brother arrived home from school.
“Hi mum, hi dad!”
“Smelly dear! Did the bullies come after you again?”
“Yes! But I was not afraid of them! I stared them in the eye like you said and then they didn’t hit me as hard.”
His mother smiled, she was happy that one son was confident.
“Barney! Would you come down? I’ve made you a nice, safe birthday pie.”
Barney loudly slouched down the stairs drunk and walked over to the kitchen. “What is it mum?” He grasped onto a chair and then tipped it over causing a loud echo across the house.
“Your brother has something for you.”
Smelly Ostridge, the small seven year old came up to Barney with a beaming smile on his face. He held out a teddy bear. “I saved up all of my pocket money, happy birthday big brother.”
Barney growled in his deep voice, “A teddy bear? What you want me to do with a teddy bear?”
Smelly was still smiling, “You can name it if you like.” He said in a sweet, jolly voice. Barney pulled out his lighter, and clicked.
The teddy bear shot up in flames in Smelly’s hand.
Over a minute the bear was black, weak. Its arms fell off in sparks and Smelly dropped it to the floor.
There was silence for a moment until Barney opened another bottle of beer.
He pushed himself up the stairs and landed on his bed.
Smelly stood flooded in tears. Lolley hugged the boy and cut a slice of Barneys birthday pie.
The burn of his present hit Smelly Ostridge like a bullet.
________________________________
Lolley Ostridge was vacuuming the front room; Barney stood staring at her drinking his beer.
The Hoover pressed against his foot, “Darling Barney, could you just step outside while I Hoover this bit of carpet.”
Barney was shocked; in anger and drunkenness he stepped out of the front door and slammed it shut. “Thanks darling, I’ll only be a minute.” He heard from inside.
Barney stood alone on the street; he turned and faced the road.
“GET OUT BARNEY! WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE!” This is what Barney apparently heard in his drunken state.
He picked his guitar up from the garden and walked off into the sunset.
_______________________
“Even if the world cannot see me.”
When I was younger
I begged for money
All I want, is a beer
Gimme a beer
My parents, they left me on the street
They left me there to die, to die of starvation
How did that make me feel?
Sad, lonely, depressed, unloved, rejected like a piece of dirt.
Even if the world cannot see me
But I cant see the world instead of it
Barney wrote his first song, begging on the streets. Eventually his music was recognized by the public and he was continuously given tips.
One day whilst by the shopping centre he found his new love, the trolley.
I might as well let the song he wrote tell you this story.
________________________
“Trolley”
Oh Trolley, oh trolley.
Where have you gone?
Oh trolley, oh trolley I miss you so much.
You carried my beer, my clothes, my money, my sleeping bag and everything I own
Oh Trolley, oh trolley.
Where have you gone?
Oh trolley, oh trolley I miss you so much.
Please come back to me
Even if you cannot see me
But I can sure see you
Oh I miss you so much it just aint funny
I miss you so much
I don’t know what to do without you I don’t know how to live my life
Ever since I was on the street when I finally found you at the shopping centre car park
Trolley oh trolley you mean everything to me.
_________________________________
He was known to occasionally say Oh Flippa Oh Flippa at various gigs of his.
Others, he did not even show up to.
On the streets he earned himself a small fan base of both the homeless and the well paid.
He eventually got fatter and his beard grew. As he got older the fact he never had a shower caused mushrooms to grow in his whiskers.
His family reported Barney Ostridge missing. Due to his change in appearance he was never found by the police.
Shop window:
“Today in the news a man was kidnapped from his front garden today, his parents are rather depressed. Here is a picture of his face. Call crime stoppers”
One day his parents walked down his street as he sung his song.
As soon as Lolley saw him she screamed in happiness, recognizing him straight away. “IT’S BARNEY! IT’S OUR SON BARNEY!”
Barney’s father pointed out the name of the homeless man was “Alfred Dirt”. “It is not our son dear.” He held her tight and they moved along down the street, tears in her eyes.
Alfred stared in anger and then took a sip of his beer.
“Barney?”
Stood in front of Alfred was the principle of his college, Richard Gold. “It is you right?”
Alfred shook his head, stood up and began playing “Even if the world cannot see me.”
Richard’s eyes widened as he listened, “Mate, you shouldn’t be on the street playing this music. You deserve the full drunken audience! Come to the Golden Star tomorrow, it’s my pub down the road! Let me be the one to give you your ‘big break’.”
“Pub?” Alfred smiled.
The Golden Star pub was like no other pub. Inside, the walls were showered with bottles and the floor was a pool. To the sides were counters and in the centre stood a small stage.
“The folk sit in the pool, have their meals and drink up. They listen to live music.” Richard Gold was soon explaining the dos and don’ts of the Golden Star Beer Garden.
Soon enough Alfred was doing his first live show:
“Pure Beerenation” (Which he stole off of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Although he denies this, claiming they stole it from him.)
Come with me
To Golden Star
To content with Pure Beerenation
Take a drink
And you’ll see what beer does.
Come with me
To Golden Star
Share a drink
To Pure Beerenation
Take a drink, you will see
You’ll get drunk
If you want to view Beeradise
Simply drink around and drink it
Even if the world cannot see me
There’s nothing to it
(Open your eyes, Make a wish upon a beer)
Share with me
One last drink
To content with Pure Beerenation
I was called Barney Ostridge
In my first life
Come with me to Golden Star
To content in drink imagination
Have a drink, have my beer.
It will be cool.
________________________________
The audience applauded.
“Did they like it? Did they like it? I knew they did! I knew it!” – Alfred Dirt.
Through a shop window, Alfred Dirt stood. Guitar and sleeping bag slouched in the Coles trolley.
The man on the TV sat at the news desk, “Today in the news a mother of three deserted her family. Lolley Ostridge was seen catching a train and leaving. She became very violent in the house and then ran out on them.
Leaving behind a nine year old boy named Smelly and a new baby girl named Trolley
Ostridge. It is believed the daughter was named after a song sung by a homeless man in the centre of Fremantle.”
Alfred continued to perform his music at the Golden Star.
And eventually Richard asked Alfred if he’d like to release an official album.
His first album, “Apples Dipped in Beer”
Based on his favourite drink.
“Apples dipped in Beer”
Apples dipped in Beer
Dip them in a glass
Talk about your taste of beer at the Golden Star
Alfred Dirt can
Who can make the apples rise?
Dip them in the beer
Soak them all day to make a apple and beer pie
Alfred Dirt can
Alfred Dirt can drink anything he wants
Satisfying and Drunklishous.
Talk about your childhood wishes
Though I never had any childhood wishes because my brother smashed them all.
Who can make the bubbles rise?
Pour them in the glass
Soak them in the beer to make a beer and bubble pie
Alfred Dirt can.
________________________
“I love apples dipped in beer.”
Alfred Dirt was invited on the Tomothy Live show on his 50th birthday.
The release of the album shocked the world.
Instead of buying a home with the money he earned he bought a huge recording studio and named it Dirt Records.
There he lived.
“So I think you’ve created your own genre haven’t you?” Tomothy.
“Yes.”
“The dirt genre…. Dirt music! Storm across the world.” Tomothy
Soon his life was great, he lived in his huge studio recording his sounds and visiting the Golden Star.
One day the buzzer went off. “Hello?” Alfred spoke through.
“Hi, this is Richard Gold.”
Alfred smiled, “Yes.” He drank some beer and pressed the button opening the front door of the studio.
Richard stepped in on the reflecting tiles.
“Alfy, I just… I was just wondering why you didn’t turn up to the gig yesterday… at the Beer Gardens…”
He hesitated, rather afraid of the drunken man in front of him.
“I WAS DRUNK” Alfred said smashing the bottle against a counter. Richard stood back as Alfred picked up a gun from the shelf near by.
“My parents…. Left me on the street….” He stepped forwards, “How do you think that makes me feel?”
Richard spoke, “Sad... lonely...” He was frightened.
“How do you think that makes me feel?”
“Erm...”
There was a shocking bang and blood splattered from Richard’s chest. He collapsed onto the tiles bathing in his own pool of red liquid.
Alfred put the gun down and began drinking another bottle of beer.
The sun set and Alfred did not care what happened next, he never did. He eventually stopped smoking realizing the taste was sickening.
In his spare time he started to build a tower of beer bottles, though was too drunk to continue. He fell into the tower knocking every one onto the tiles.
He sat in his armchair strumming his guitar; the dead body on the floor was invisible to him.
Richard Gold organized gigs, recording and interviews. Now he was dead Alfred felt a weight lift off of him.
Alfred continued to drown his sorrows with alcohol.
The phone rang.
“Gday, Alfy here.”
“Hi there, this is Barbara. I am a nurse at the local hospital. We have a patient here who claims to be your father. I don’t know how to say it Alfred, but your father is dieing.”
Alfred Dirt waited at the bus stop in his drunken state. A woman stood by with a baby in a pram. She gave the child a bottle of milk.
Alfred spat out suddenly taking his beer bottle away from his mouth. “This is OFF!” A dribble of thick vomit dropped down his beard.
He noticed the baby’s bottle.
Alfred’s thought: “A classic Golden Star Beer! Man, I must have that!”
He took the bottle from the baby’s mouth and started drinking. At the same time he dropped his half empty beer bottle into the pram.
Alfred spat once again noticing the flavor was off throwing the milk bottle towards a passing car. It crashed through the front window and caused the vehicle to spin out of control.
It shot past the bus stop and crashed into a stop sign. Smoke clouded the street as the bus finally pulled up.
The mother of the child was screaming in shock, the baby was drinking a bottle of beer.
Alfred stepped onto the bus.
“Sorry, no bums allowed,” The driver spoke.
“I’m not a bum! I’m Alfred Dirt!”
There was silence, a frown on the drivers face.
He began to sing, “Even if the world cannot see me!”
“But I can see the world instead of it”!
Everybody on the bus sat there in silence and all had their eyes focused on Alfred.
That afternoon Alfred arrived at the local hospital, Saint Enemy hospital.
Inside, at reception Barbara greeted Mr. Dirt. “Your father is Feedthe Ostridge yes?”
Alfred did not reply.
Barbara led Alfred to a white room along one of the halls and opened the door. Inside laid an old man, Feedthe.
“Barney.” His father spoke lightly; he was shaking as he did.
Alfred shook his head and pulled a beer bottle from his pocket, “No, I’m Alfred DIRT.”
“Don’t be an idiot Barney, I know it is you. I knew it was you when I first saw you on the street. No one could ever miss that beard. I assured your mother it was not you just so she wouldn’t get any more hurt than she already was.”
Alfred continued to frown.
“It’s nice to see you again though, son.”
“I don’t have a family! They kicked me out onto the street to beg for money! How do you think that made me feel?”
Alfred gulped down a large amount of alcohol in one. His father smiled, “We didn’t kick you out Barney. Leaving was your own choice. We thought you were kidnapped.”
Alfred was constantly moving in the drunken state. In anger he threw his bottle towards the floor. It exploded into thousands of pieces firing across the tiles.
“HOW DARE YOU KICK ME OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
There was once again silence.
Until.
“Father!”
A man with a dark black hat and sunglasses ran into the room with a sandwich in his hand. “Smelly!” Feedthe screamed in happiness.
“No father, you know I’ve changed my name to Rick Wey.” He tipped his hat to his father.
In a deep voice Alfred spoke in shock, “Smelly Ostridge?”
Ricks eyes met Alfred suddenly, “Alfred Dirt... or Barney Ostridge…” He was constantly frowning towards Alfy.
“Dad, why did you invite him?” He was obviously angry.
His father replied, “He’s my son too. Don’t forget that.”
Rick Wey was around twenty one now standing before the two of them. “He’s drunk…”
Feedthe laughed, “He’s always drunk.”
Alfred felt his eyes widen, the shock of seeing two people from his past in the same room. Alfred picked up his guitar from the wall and began to strum.
“Oh smelly please get out of my life. I hate you so much. You’re a bad brother to me. You’re younger than me but you never give me any respect. Well, not the respect I deserve.”
Rick’s bland expression did not change. “Here…... is your sandwich Dad.” He handed Feedthe the sandwich and watched him unwrap the plastic.
Alfred noticed the sandwich and walked over to his father, “Here’s a sandwich for you Dad.” He took the top bread from his father’s sandwich and then stuffed his beard between the bread.
Suddenly, before anyone could move the beard sandwich was being stuffed into Feedthe’s mouth.
He was suffocating, struggling manically as Alfred laughed drunk. Rick stood in horror, as he moved forward Alfred swung a fist back and bashed him into the wall. Rick collapsed into the corner of the room.
Suddenly there was a long lasting bleep and his father was dead.
Alfred stepped back slowly.
On his way out he smeared himself with sandwich insides and crept out of the building silently
_______________________________
Sat at home beside a small radio Alfred listened.
“Hello! This is Golden Star radio. Today Alfred Dirt’s place of number one was beaten by a certain, Mr. Bindy.
Mr. Bindy is a new musician whose music has rocked the world.
His first single “We Start Living” was huge in the country and now his new song, “We all hate Alfred Dirt” has brought him a whole new audience.”
Alfred listened as a high pitched voice sung that they hated him constantly to a guitar and drum track. Soon enough a crowd of children’s voices joined in the singing.
A tear formed in Alfred’s eyes.
Over the next few months more songs were released talking negatively of Alfy.Soon his music moved down the charts and he continued to get drunk. Money disappeared and furniture was removed. No one was buying his music any more. People who listened to his tunes had downloaded them illegally.
Soon, he was homeless once again.
After so many millions of beers Alfred lost the sense to make music. His music sounded worse than dirt.
There was a gravel sound, two cars pulled up beside Alfred slumping beside a bin. They were police cars, a man stepped out. “It was hard tracking you down Mr. Ostridge. But here you are. You’re under arrest for the murder of two men. Mr. Richard Gold and your father Mr. Feedthe Ostridge.”
“I WAS DRUNK!”
Alfred pulled himself up and then began to run. His beard was flapping in the wind as he moved.
Alfred Dirt was drunk.
It was 12:30 at night.
Alfred crashed through a window and found himself in a dark waiting room. He watched as the two police cars shot past leaving him safe from capture.
The lights flickered in the room. Alfred got up wiping glass from his flesh.
Suddenly there was a bell and the lift doors opened firing in a blinding light. A silhouette stood in the lift.
“Up stairs,” the man said.
Alfred moved slowly towards him, finally traveling into the lift. “Who is this?” Alfred asked still moving around.
The doors shut in front of him and the lift bellowed a new sound. It was moving upwards.
After a minute or so the doors opened revealing the level 6987. That is pretty high up…
The man stepped out into the light, instantly Alfred recognized him.
Rick Wey, formerly Smelly Ostridge stood in front of him.
“Hello Alfred. It was nice of you to drop in to the hospital once again. After the last time you were here you murdered my father.”
Alfred burped, “I was… drunk.”
“I thought id give you a little choice. Alfred, you deserted our family didn’t you?”
“NO! They kicked me out to beg for money! How do you think that makes me feel?”
Rick frowned once again.
“Alfred…. Do you remember your 47th birthday?”
“Yes… the house burnt down.”
“No… that was your 18th. You burnt my present. You set it on fire.”
“Well you made the walls turn yellow.”
“Shut up, that was you.”
“With your smell!”
“Smelly was just a name Alfred.”
Alfred giggled, dribbling on his shirt.
“I want you to say sorry.”
“What for?” Alfred asked.
“For everything. Putting our mother through so much, burning the teddy bear… leaving us… not to mention ruining the music industry with dirt music.”
“Where is mum anyway?” Alfred was staring around the room.
“Mother left, after our sister was born. Father wanted to call her Trolley after your song. He missed you as well but didn’t want to interfere with your new life.”
“I won’t ever say sorry, YOU ALL KICKED ME OUT MY HOUSE. LEFT ME THERE TO DIE, TO DIE OF STARVATION!”
“How did that make you feel?”
Alfred went silent.
“You probably felt drunken Alfred. You always do. See, a person like you does not even deserve to live. But I’m going to give you a chance.
First off I wanted to ruin your life again.
So I joined up the Wey Organization. We brought together musicians and people that hated you. Mr. Bindy, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, even Phil Collins. We all worked together to produce music that told the world what you were REALLY like.
We brought you down Alfred, we made you homeless again.
Tell me Alfred, how did THAT make you feel?”
Alfred was still silent.
“Say sorry or we both die. This hospital is loaded with dynamite. It will rip open from bottom to top. We’re at the top.
Say sorry or I detonate.
You’ll be killing all of those people, all of those patients and night staff…. And yourself. Because as we all know, you only ever think about yourself.”
Alfred twitched, “Please, I’ll give you my beer. I swear.”
Rick Wey grinded his teeth. “Just say sorry.”
“Our parents kicked me out, don’t you believe me?”
“Just say sorry.”
“Sorry for WHAT? I was drunk!”
“5.”
Silence.
“4, 3, 2”
Alfred skimmed the area and made his way for a restroom. He ran inside a cubicle and closed the door shut loudly.
Rick Wey detonated the bomb.
A blast of energy came from the bottom of the building, ripping open the first level. Then the second exploded. Like a chain reaction, a Mexican wave the building burst separately into fire.
Rick Wey laughed as the floor got hotter. The building shook under his feet and the top level finally exploded burning everything.
The sky lit up as a small cubicle spun through the air and fell downwards.
Down below Grand Heights primary school were having a school fair. Children lining up for the bouncy castle watched as sparks and rubble fell from the clouds and the hospital burnt.
The cubicle collapsed onto the bouncy castle bursting a large hole in the rubber. Alfred collapsed out and fell down off the front of castle.
He was motionless for a minute, but soon pulled himself up to see a hundred children’s eyes on him.
The bouncy castle started falling in on itself. Alfred got up and walked slowly through the crowd of children staring at the sky.
__________________________________
Supervising the children of the fair was a 60ish year old woman. She had turned her attention from the children, the burning hospital, to a fat old man.
“That beard…” She said staring at him.
Alfred walked past her stumbling as he did. “BARNEY?” she called towards him.
He stopped in his steps.
Maybe he recognized the voice?
“Are you Barney Ostridge?” The woman said.
Alfred smiled, “Yes I guess I am… or was.”
“It’s me, Flippa, Flippa Empire. Do you remember me?”
Alfred thought for a moment, “Yes, you left me on the slides, my beard stuck on the sides!”
“Barney, we moved away. My family moved to Sydney… I was to shy to tell you.”
Alfred stood for a moment listening, “Oh….
I’m sorry.”
_________________________________
Gday, this is Andrew Denton again. I’m not sure what you may think of Alfred after all of this. I feel sorry for him after writing his earlier life, but also feel sorry for the people he hurt on his journey.
Alfred Dirt ended up getting married to Flippa Empire. But unfortunately died of Alcohol poisoning at the wedding.
The song “Flippa” was released after they reunited.
--
Lolley Ostridge, his mother was never found. Trolley, the sister that he never knew moved away and never made contact. Flippa became the principle of Grand Heights School.
RIP Alfred Dirt (Barney Ostridge)
The End
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