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Tony Blair performed his stand up act in Paris today after his very quiet audience in Sydney yesterday. Today was very different, millions of people turned up and made plenty of noise. But all in all both performances had negative audience views.
Some of his jokes were quoted:
"I can only go one way. I've not got a reverse gear.
Tony Blair
Once his wife goes to sleep it takes a minor nuclear explosion to wake her.
Tony Blair
all quite bland, a tiny laugh came from this joke:
You only require two things in life: your sanity and your wife.
Tony Blair"
The audiences who were not throwing tomatoes collapsed in their seats.. sleeping. Blair needed to rise again so he told a joke his mother used to say.
"Why did the chicken cross the road?
To escape the Nazis."
The Daily Crumb: "So why do you think you're comic act went down so badly?"
Tony Blair: "Gosh.. i couldnt say, i think maybe having all that tomato in my mouth made the audience not hear the jokes."
The Daily Crumb: "But do YOU think the funniest thing you said was?"
Tony Blair: "I had some juicy ones in there Nathan. Like these for example.
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
You call him an ambulance. He may have fractured his skull.
&
A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
.. it tell you, they are all pure gold. I even told one about Gordon Brown.
"How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.. brown one!."
The laughter going on in that room, i saw people even crying!"
The Daily Crumb: "That was probably the onions in their eyes."
Tony Blair: "Heh"
The Daily Crumb: "So, still planning the tour?"
Tony Blair: "Oh yes! after how free i felt today! I want to get all the way back to London, i've giving all my parliament mates free tickets for that one.. FREE OF CHARGE!"
The Daily Crumb: "We.. we just wanted to ask, who told you that you could do stand up comedy?"
Tony Blair: "You did Nathan."
The Daily Crumb: "Aaah....."
So, get your tickets for tommorows performance in Tirana folks! Unfortunatly none of the celebrity guest arrived except John Howard who didnt have anythin
John Howard: "Hi all... do you like jogging? i like jogging. No ones seen a tape of me kicking a child when i was jogging so .. that was a joke. I didnt really do it, well i did but i thought.. tell your life in a story made people laugh.. ok.. erm, yeh. Yesterday i signed a few papers, and missed my jog... next i was having meetings and my ears were filled with people talking to .. me. How long does this last..?
Tony Blair: "Hour."
John Howard: "Ah.. right. I am a humouress guy.. well thats what they say. People like my smile.. but they dont like.. me.. because.. AGHH!"
*Flying tomatoes*
The Daily Crumb: "Maybe it's because people still believe the rumours that you two and Mr. Bush are all cannibals."
John Howard: "No, they are not rumours kid."
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MUNCH NEWS:
I filmed and edited the latest HOBBY EPISODE
Matthew Menhenicks THE HOBBY 3
I'm not quite sure whether i like it or not, it had no storyboard so editing was hard. Check it out below.
NATHANVINEY.COM news:
The website are slow on updates at the moment, soon enough the videos page will be full again. Some of the links do not work, some, i cant fix. We'll leave that to a jerk.
goodnight, eat your lunch and thankyou, for reading todays Crumb.
- Nathan (munch) Viney
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