Change the life of an ugly fictional character for Comic Relief

Today in the news, ladders used in exaggerated sword fight.
Walkers find stange shoes on the end of their legs
and glass goes plastic.
All in
The Daily Crumb Today.

Have you ever wondered why i began writing have you ever wondered? It just seems like a good way to continue on after the main news.
There was a slight loss in people on planet earth today as 80% of them were wiped out by a rolling blue whale.
"They're not THAT big!"
Huh?
"They are not THAT big!"
So it could not have been a blue whale?
"Never mind."
That is my best buddy Goobus, he just came over to borrow a cassette tape. He is afraid of elephants.

*

As well as a large amount of people no longer living a giant chicken has agreed to do an interview as long as his identity is kept hidden.
"So what do you think of all this crazy stuff with the Whale?"
"I only came for a tape, i did not agree to be a giant chicken in your paper."
"Just get the suit on!"
"My beak is stuck! You put it on if it is so easy."
"No, i am the interviewer."
"Right, i think i'm in."
"Where is your face?"
"The suit is too big, i've sunk!"
"Well get up then."
"No, i am stuck! let me out! I can't breath!"
"I thought you liked small spaces."
"I am claustrophobic!!"
"Typical. Here, grab the rope."
"I can't see the rope, i can't see anything!"
"Can you see the light?"
"A very small glimpse really far away."
"Ok, i am just going to roll you out the front door so i can get on with the news."
"Ok... wait.. what??"
"Bye."

*

The Daily Crumb should make a religion. That spaghetti monster made one, now everyone worships him. He called me the other week on Skype.
"I am just hovering down town and people are trying to grab my pasta. I've recently been dragging people along the street by their mouthes."

That guy is one of a few characters that has had their life CHANGED by the power of Comic Relief.
So if you feel like chicken tonight please text YES to 66609 to donate £5.00 to Comic Relief.

You could change the life of another really ugly fictional character.

EXTRA EXTRA! Read all about it!
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Did you also just realise you have been spammed this newspaper through email??
Well without getting angry at us at The Daily Crumb think first. You have obviously got the article because you are special.
So


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You know, it is such a great cause. Have you seen snoopy recently?

With your money lil old snoopy right there will be well again. He just has not been the same since Charles M Schulz died.



- The Daily Crumb