It has come to our attention that you are suffering from 'Old People Syndrome'. You have reached a certain age, whether it's 40, 30 or even 10 where you want to stop. Captain Jem North from South-East-West Society is willing to give you that opportunity.
Send to us your chosen amount of money. (All amounts must be over 1,000 local currency). As soon as the money is collected and given to a Panda related charity we will send off our special, "Age control' Tablets.
Soon enough your wrinkles will disapear oldies. Your wobbly knee's will be bouncing you from building to building. You will be eating young people for breakfast.
What age you look and feel will only depend on how many life threatening tablets you take. But don't take more than 0% or you'll find out what the small print says!
As this is clearly readable. The small print is actually hidden in invisible letters.