George Shambles' Day at the Library

George Shambles' Day at the Library

Written by Michael Shambles & George Shambles

Before I begin, I'd like to thank a few people. I'd like to thank Bobby Hunt from the local library for not getting too upset when I returned the book, 'Top 10 Teas that start with T' three days too late.
I know we didn't talk much, but your understanding lead me to oggle your name tag and mention you in this story.
Usually that lady with the dark hair is quite rude to me when I return books late, “She says, HOW DARE YOU GEORGE!” She likes to exaggerate. So do I. She's never really said that, I'm so sorry Imogen Perkins, I meant no harm and I'll be sure to keep your identity secretive.

If I'm completely honest, Imogen gave me a bit of a grumpy glare and then moved on. But for the rest of that day I was sat slurping my tea noisily in upset.

This week, while I was in the garden watering the pumpkins and feeding the Flamingos, it suddenly dawned on me. 'Top 10 Teas that start with T' was still on my bedside table, chaps. Not only that, I'd left my little light on. So I ran upstairs (I walked), crashed through my bedroom door! (I opened it gently, didn't even creak.) And I went for a nap on my bed. It was very comfortable you see. The duvet was so cosy and warm.

It was raining outside and I was just ready to slip into dream land. There was absolutely no other option.

Three days later I picked up the book and caught the bus to the library, dreading I'd see that nasty nameless woman again! Luckily for me, the sun was shining that day and Bobby Hunt was stood at the desk waiting for an old man to stumble through those electronic doors.

Can we just talk about those electronic doors for one second please? So on most occasions, they know when I have arrived. It's very good of them, I always tip my hat to the robots if I'm wearing a hat that day.

But sometimes, perhaps I step too far or too soon... sometimes the doors do not open. First I wonder, “Gosh, is the Library closed? That's very inconsistent with their window sign." I even check my personal folded up calendar I keep in my trousers. It's quite a big calendar, folded seven times down to a pocket fitting size. But once it's unravelled, blimey, it'll cover a whole Town Hall pinup board. The calendar answered none of my queries.

My next thought, after continued ignorance from the door ghosts, was “Am I banned?”

The problem is chaps, after one or six late book returns, who knows what these Libraries are capable of? I thought, 'Right! That Imogen has locked the doors for good. No more books for George.'

Just a little bit of information about myself before we move on. Sometimes, I like to not take the books out, but instead stick a little bookmark in it and put it back on the shelf. Problem is, I then forget which books I've read. Who knows how many books are ravaged by my bookmarks by now? Scattered across the bookshelves like a load of old books in a library full off bookmarks.

I thought this could well be the reason for this despicable shut down of my rights.

It turns out, the doors just do that sometimes. I was let in and took my book to the front desk.

Bobby was there, hardly even out of school he was. His face looked like a handful of freshly cut grass blades had been distributed delicately over a slice of pizza. He said he liked my pink jumper, I told him he should get one. Highly fashionable In 2020. He said he would think about it and took the library book from my giving hands.

“Ah George Shambles. Great name. You know this book is three days late?”

I pondered for a moment, could I perhaps use the dementia card? Yes quite an idea, George!

I replied, “Sorry sir, I seem to have left my dementia card AT HOME.” I winked at Bobby for a minute or two and waited for a response.

He stood in front of me, confusion creasing up his face like a wet sponge. “Oh...”

“That's okay George, it will just be a very small fee and you'll be on your way to borrowing more books.”

Bobby was a wonderful chap. IS a wonderful chap, and I'll never forget that delightful gesture he gave to me.

'Top 10 Ts that start with a T' was successfully returned and I was ready to stick my bookmark in the next unsuspecting gardening publication.

By the way, the question on everyone's lips is ,"George, what did you think of the book?" I thought it was very interesting. I'm not sure I would have gone for Tiramisu Tea as number one myself, but at least Turkey Tea came above Tissue Tea in the final countdown. If I were to write the book, I'd have shot Torchlight Tea RIGHT to the top, due to it's glow in the dark characteristics.  

Thank you for reading my short story, “George Shambles' Day at the Library”. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed living it and then telling my grandson to write it all down.

• George Shambles