Noahs Ark

Today in the news Moses said to Noah. "Let me on that ark."

But Noah said, "No, it not for you mcnugget. It be for me int these 2 of every kind animals gottit? Oh, and dee wife, we onlee got nuff rooms for us and da pets. So shove off or ill put dat voodoo doll i has of u into a bucket of water."

Moses replied, "It does not matter, i will drown if i am not saved anyway."
Noah: "I knowz, that is why me is saying it."

Moses: "Oh... well fart it be better if i was to move with you? I could feed and hug the animals."
Noah: "No, you iz bad to God like well dat iz what he is tellin me."

Moses: "You are mistaken. The burning bush told me to come here, travel with you and then let my people go!"

Noah: "Hold on.. yeah that iz what he iz saying. You fink all mighty watery God iz gunna set a tree on fire, fire is satans workz.
Satan wants you to come on the boat and let yal people go, throwing uz and the animals back into the sea so only you will live."

Moses: "No, that cannot be right."

Burning Bush: "Yes, it is true. I am sorry Moses. I have these mood swings you see. Anyway, your next job is to hold me up so you drown and i LIVE!"

Moses: "NO GEORGE BUSH! I WILL NOT DO AS YOU WUSH!"

Burning Bush: "G-George? Anyway! Of course you shall! What else is there to do? The ark has left without you!"

Moses: "No it ha.... oh it has."

Noah: "Byyyeee............"

Moses: "Darn you tree!"

Tree: "Hey!"

Moses: "Oh ... sorry."

Burning Bush: "It is all over now. We shall just wait to get washed away."

Tree: "Hey, do you guys have a knife or something?"

Burning Bush: "NO! NOW HUSH WHILST I WATCH EVERYONE DROWN!"

Tree: "Well it is just i wanted to paint my creation before i drowned it. But i cannot open my cans of coloured paints!"

Moses: "Oh God... here, let me help!"

Tree: "Oh thankyou kind sir."

Moses: "Wait, your creation?"

And before Moses had run out of air he pulled the paint cans open firing an amazing ark of coloured lines across the sky.

Noah sent out a dove, it returned with a plant. "There iz still der life out thatta way oh deary! Let us shiver onfast!"
So the ark moved forward and came across a lonely tree sitting on a rock, below it was only water... and a frozen hand gripping onto the stone.
The dove sat on top of the tree.
Tree: "Well done Noah. You did a fine job saving those animals. We got rid of all those nasty things earth had to offer when we washed it."

Noah: "What happened to zat Moses Innit?"

Tree: "Twas meant to die a hero. That's his hand there."

Noah: "Ew."

God ended the story with an advertisement:
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