Update

The moment they released the 99p cheese burger at Burger King my life changed completely. I'm now a better man for it. I've produced 500 comics in the last hour, i'm fitter than i ever was, eating healthier. I've got into writing music, releasing my first album next week and I don't mind admitting my voice is almost as good as Taylor Swifts. It's going to be titled 'Almost as Good as Taylor Swift' and it has hip hoppy cameos from well done rappers like Dog Daddy and Bibby Bo Jay Jay the Frog. Catering! Baking, I can do it all, Paul Hollywood says I'm the next Mary Berry. I even joined the army for a bit, did my bit for the country, for the world. It does not stop there, I've created a massive fast food restaurant of my own and hired hardish working homeless people and thirsty african children (who are now no longer thirsty (Vanilla Coke on the house!) to work there! Queen even cut the ribbon, AND The Queen too. I even see my kids once in a while these days. Thanks Burger King.